The Glass Teat

TV Title Sequences: Bring ‘Em Back Alive

Over on his Atomic Pulp blog, Christopher Mills reminds us that Tales of the Gold Monkey wasn’t the only high-adventure series set in the 1930s that ran during the ’82-83 television season. CBS wanted in on the post-Raiders of the Lost Ark action as well (Gold Monkey was on NBC), so they offered up Bring ‘Em Back Alive, starring Bruce Boxleitner as big-game hunter Frank Buck.

Buck was a real guy, a celebrity of the ’30s and ’40s who’d found fame by capturing exotic animals unharmed during a time period when people were a whole lot less sensitive about shooting things, even rare and beautiful things. He wrote a book about his experiences, from which the TV series took its title, and eventually parlayed his celebrity into starring roles in the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus and a whole string of jungle movies, including an Abbott and Costello comedy (Africa Screams) and a 15-part cliffhanger serial. Now, I’ll be honest and admit that I don’t remember too much about Bring ‘Em Back Alive, but I think it’s probably a fair bet that Boxleitner’s version of Frank Buck didn’t have too much to do with the actual man.

Christopher Mills says that, while Gold Monkey was largely character-driven, BEBA was “more like old Republic adventure serials, with exciting stunts, a likable, two-fisted swashbuckling lead, and action-packed stories.” My memory of it is far less precise, as I said. I mostly recall thinking that Gold Monkey was the better of the two, with higher production values and a cool old airplane to boot (old airplanes being an immediate “value-add” in my book, even when I was 12). Weirdly enough, though, I have always remembered the show’s opening theme, which went a little something like this:

You see, for a couple of years I was recording TV themes by holding my old SoundDesign clock-radio with the built-in cassette deck up to the television speaker and trying not to make too much noise as I depressed the clunky “Play” and “Record” buttons. I must’ve taped several dozen themes from that general time period, all on the same cassette. I can only imagine it would make for an incredible time capsule now. Sadly, and rather unexpectedly given how much crap I’ve managed to hold onto over the years, that particular tape went MIA long ago. But I know that it had the theme for Bring ‘Em Back Alive on it, along with Gold Monkey, Magnum PI, Simon and Simon, Shogun, and a lot of other jaunty tunes that were just perfect for listening to on my Walkman as I rode around town on my old red Schwinn with the banana seat… damn, I wish I still had that tape.

Incidentally, you may have noticed Boxleitner’s co-star in BEBA, Cindy Morgan. She’s probably best known for playing the delectable Lacey Underall in Caddyshack, but she also appeared with Boxleitner in Tron the very same year that Bring ‘Em Back Alive debuted on television. Boxleitner was, of course, the title character, and like him, Morgan played a double role: Lora, the girlfriend of Tron’s User Alan in the real world, and Tron’s girl Yori in the computer realm. Hollywood must’ve been a truly small town back in the day. Morgan is still a lovely woman, judging from the photos on her official web site. It features a pretty nifty collection of photos from all three of her major works, Caddyshack, Tron, and Bring ‘Em Back Alive; the BEBA gallery is here.

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Finally! Gold Monkey on DVD!

gold-monkey_tvguide-spread.jpg

It’s been just over two years since I noted a rumor that the old TV series Tales of the Gold Monkey might be headed for DVD, and now — finally! — it looks like it’s actually happening. TV Shows on DVD.com reports that the series is now available in the UK and Australia, and an American release is planned for sometime in the spring of 2010. Even better — and quite surprising, given that this series lasted only a single year and is nothing more than a cult classic at best — it’s going to include an all-new retrospective documentary and recent interviews with the series’ stars, Stephen Collins and Caitlin O’Heaney, and there may be some other special features from the European release as well.

I can’t tell you all how happy this makes me. As I’ve explained before, Gold Monkey made a huge impression on me back in the day. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s a good old-fashioned adventure story about a dashing American cargo pilot and a cast of eccentric characters who live and work in the exotic South Pacific of the late 1930s. Coming on the heels of Raiders of the Lost Ark, which had been released the previous year, the series was marketed (rather inaccurately, in my opinion) and dismissed (rather unfairly, I think) as nothing more than an Indiana Jones knock-off, but it was a fun show in its own right and deserved more of an audience than it got. I picked up a VHS bootleg of the series several years ago and was very pleased at how enjoyable it still was. You always run the risk when revisiting childhood favorites of discovering that they weren’t what you remember them being; happily, Gold Monkey was pretty much exactly what I remembered. The bootlegs, however, weren’t worth the tape they were recorded on. They appeared to be 10th-generation copies with such a bad picture that I often couldn’t tell what I was looking at, so I imagine viewing a nice clean DVD version is going to be like seeing the show for the first time. I can’t wait…

In a somewhat related note, I see that the ’80s detective series Matt Houston, in which Lee Horsley of The Sword and the Sorcerer played a Texas oil millionaire who solved mysteries as a hobby, may also be coming soon. Which means that pretty much every TV series that’s ever mattered to me is or shortly will be available for me to own, except for The Wonder Years and the originally aired version of WKRP in Cincinnati, both MIA because of costly music licensing issues. Oh, and The Six Million Dollar Man; I have no idea what’s holding that one up. I have to admit, it’s a strange thing to consider, so much of my childhood being out there on the market now. It’s kind of sad in a way, like a long quest is at last coming to an end…

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Anniversaries of Note

The Berlin Wall coming down, November 1989

By some strange confluence of historical currents, there seems to be a number of noteworthy anniversaries happening within days of each other this week. The most significant, of course, is the fall of the Berlin Wall on this very night 20 years ago, when ordinary Germans took matters into their own hands — literally, considering they went after the Wall with hammers, crowbars, and even their fingers — and put an end to one of the most powerful symbols of Cold War tension and communist repression, while border guards and secret police stood by and let it happen without firing a shot.

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The Conundrum Faced by Every Middle-Aged Male Sooner or Later

Here’s something I was planning to throw into one of those Halloween entries I mentioned earlier, since it’s based on a publicity still from the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and I figured vampires and slayers and Halloween go hand-in-fang and all. But really, it’s the sort of gag that plays at any time of year:

anthony head and sarah michelle gellar
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Yeah, who among us has not been in that uncomfortable position while in the company of some pretty young thing? I sympathize, Giles, I sympathize…

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There Are No Cows in Space

So, that Castle/Firefly meta-joke I was looking forward to? Every bit as brilliant and funny as I hoped, from the rapid-cut “gearing up” and familiar Malcolm Reynolds action-hero pose to Castle’s daughter puncturing his balloon with her teenagery command of the obvious:

I loved this whole sequence. I do find myself wondering, however, if any Firefly fans took the “get over it” line as a slight; browncoats seem to take a lot of crap in certain corners of the InterWebs for making such a fuss over a series that lasted only 13 episodes. Personally, I doubt it was intended that way, but fans can be notoriously touchy, as William Shatner learned with his own “get over it” joke. Hopefully, we all learned something from that ugly incident…

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The Return of Captain Tightpants

The TV series Castle is about the only thing running these days that demands “must-see” status for me. It’s admittedly a trifle, but truthfully that’s why I like it so much. I’m really damn sick of all the scripted dramas with no sense of humor and a grim, clenched-tooth fascination with how sucky everything is. A lighthearted 1980s-style detective show is the perfect antidote to all that self-importance.

Anyhow, because of our conflicting schedules and mutual interest in the show, The Girlfriend and I usually record it and then catch up on each week’s episode a few days after it airs. We watched this week’s episode on Tuesday. It was a good one that tied up some dangling threads from earlier segments (I suspect this would’ve been the show’s finale if it hadn’t been picked up recently for a full second season), but what really made us both sit up and notice was the preview of the next episode.

I caught it first, a glimpse of something familiar…

“Hey,” I said, “Does that look like Nathan’s Firefly coat?”

“It sure looked like a duster to me,” Anne replied. “You don’t think…?”

“Well, it is the Halloween episode. Maybe Castle is dressing up as… Mal?”

And then we both started grinning because it was so obvious, so likely, and so damn cool.

See, the star of Castle, Nathan Fillion, played the dashing space captain Malcom “Mal” Reynolds on the short-lived and much-lamented series Firefly. And Fillion is well-aware that much of his fanbase — and Castle‘s, too, I suspect — is composed of Fireflybrowncoats.” Because of this, I’m certain, every episode of Castle to date has had some kind of little shout-out to the science-fiction lovers who have stuck by him through several prematurely canceled ventures and are now delighted to see him in something that seems to be working. And what do you think would be the ultimate shout-out? Well, how about… this?

If you don’t recognize the outfit, I’ll confirm it for you: Fillion is wearing the complete Mal costume, right down to the really big gun. This is really a brilliant meta-joke… and considering how even that lousy cell-phone photo has plastered a big, big grin on my face, I can’t wait to see how it works in the full episode.

Props to the always-interesting Adventureblog for spotting this…

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More Items for My Never-Ending Shopping List

Remember that DVD-on-demand service I mentioned a few months ago, the Warner Archive? You may recall that I was very stoked by the idea of made-to-order obscurities, and couldn’t wait to try it out. Well, as it happens, I apparently could wait, because I never got around to ordering anything from the Archive. The truth is, none of the titles made available to date have been “must-have” enough for me to pull the trigger. But that situation has finally changed. The TV Shows on DVD blog is reporting that Warner just added to the line-up three made-for-the-boob-tube movies from the early ’70s: Genesis II, Planet Earth, and Man from Atlantis.

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I Like Crap

Reading the Sunday funnies yesterday brought me to an important moment of self-realization.

No, really.

You see, yesterday’s edition of “Get Fuzzy” turned on a disparaging reference to the TV sitcom Two and a Half Men, a series that seems to be deeply loathed by a not-insignificant number of people. I like it, myself; it’s not remotely deep, but I find it is consistently laugh-out-loud funny, at least to my sensibilities, and I’m frankly baffled by the level of ire I often see directed at this amiable — if admittedly crass — little show.

So I was thinking all of these things about Two and a Half Men and suddenly it struck me.

OMG… I like crap.

The things the sophisticates, connoisseurs, intellectuals, and hipsters generally decry as lowbrow, superficial, or — how I have come to loathe this word! — cheesy are often the things I most enjoy. And in turn the things that make them gush with enthusiasm and sweet, sticky joy tend to leave me, well, unimpressed. Consider the evidence:

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TV Title Sequences: Ally McBeal

I haven’t done one of these in a long time, and in light of the previous entry, this one seems appropriate:

So, you know what I was saying in the previous entry about not remembering Ally McBeal very well? I’d totally spaced that Courtney Thorne-Smith and Greg Germann were in this show. It all seems like a dream that’s evaporated before you make it from your bed to the bathroom for your morning rituals…

I really like that song, though, for whatever that’s worth…

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Drawing a Blank

I’ve been working today on a little project that’s led to me rediscover some music from deep in my CD collection that I’ve not listened to in a very long while. One of those albums is Songs from Ally McBeal, a soundtrack comprising mostly covers of 1960s pop tunes, with a few original tracks, all performed by the lovely Vonda Shepard. I’m finding that I still enjoy this music as much, if not a little more, than I did when it was current; Vonda has a warm and powerful voice, and her arrangements of old chestnuts are interestingly different from the familiar versions. Also, the whole album has a kind of pleasantly melancholy feel that’s very agreeable to me as I putter around the house.

But here’s the weird thing: I cannot for the life of me recall any specifics about the TV show these songs are from. I used to watch Ally McBeal pretty regularly, too, and it seems like I was as emotionally invested in it as in any program I follow. But I’ll be damned if I can summon up the plot of a single episode, or any character names beyond Ally herself, or much of anything really, aside from a few faces and that spooky CG baby that popped up from time to time. How is it possible that I still remember specific scenes and even lines of dialogue from shows I saw once when I was 12, but a series that’s only 10 years or so old has become a complete blank for me? And does this phenomenon say more about my mental state or the series itself?

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