The Glass Teat

May172012

True Geek Confessions

Michael May of AdventureBlog fame has recently been taking writing assignments from a shadowy online cabal known as the League of Extraordinary Bloggers, and when I saw the current one, I knew I just had to have a piece of that action:

What is something you absolutely hate or love or just don’t get, or maybe it’s something you have never even seen or read. What is your deepest, darkest geek confession?

Like Michael, I’ve elected to go for a straight flush and provide an answer for each proposed category. So, briefly but most likely provocatively:

  • Something I Hate That Everyone Else Loves: The “reimagined” version of Battlestar Galactica. I’ll admit, I was probably biased against this one from the start because of my affection for the original Galactica, but I gave the new series an honest chance to win me over, I really did. I watched the pilot film and the first half-dozen or so regular production episodes, and… it just didn’t do anything for me. While there were some interesting storylines (the one where the Cylons were harassing the fleet every 30 minutes or whatever was good, as was the one about replenishing the Galactica‘s water supply, an issue the original never touched on), I didn’t like what I saw as unnecessary changes in the show’s basic premise (the Cylons created by humanity instead of an alien race, the Twelve Colonies all existing on a single world instead of 12 separate planets), I didn’t like the shaky-cam cinematography, I didn’t like people from the other side of the galaxy wearing perfectly ordinary 20th-century business suits and having perfectly normal North American/European names… and worst of all, I just didn’t like the characters. Not one of them. I recognize that modern audiences have different expectations of their fictional characters now than they did in the ’70s, but everybody on this show was conflicted, bitchy, morally compromised, untrustworthy, and totally unsympathetic. By the sixth episode, I found I didn’t give a damn if the Cylons did wipe them all out, and that’s not a series I care to keep watching. Sorry.
  • Something I Love That Everyone Else Hates: As you might imagine from the above, the original Battlestar Galactica. Seems nobody can even mention this one anymore without sneering, or at least applying a qualifier like “guilty pleasure,” but I maintain it was not as bad as people think it was (at least not when you consider the context in which it was made, i.e., late 1970s broadcast television) and I personally far prefer its themes of friendship and family to the complete dysfunction I saw on the remake. I prefer my heroes with some innate nobility and joi di vivre — even in the face of total catastrophe — to unrelenting nihilism. And even though its dialog was notoriously clumsy with weird made-up jargon and its writers ignorant of actual astronomy (they seemed to think the terms “galaxy” and “star system” were interchangeable), the show conveyed a genuine sense of wonder about the universe that frankly no modern sci-fi movie or series seems able to capture anymore, not even the various latter-day Star Treks.
  • Something I Don’t Get That Everyone Else Seems To:  The Christopher Nolan/Christian Bale Batman movies. They’re undeniably well made, but I don’t find them especially thrilling or inspiring or fascinating, or even all that much fun. I’ve only seen Batman Begins and The Dark Knight one time each, and never especially wanted to see them again, nor do I really remember much of what happened in either of them. These films seemed to slide right across the surface of my consciousness without leaving a mark. Part of this is probably due to the fact that I have a very hard time seeing Christian Bale as anything but a pretentious, self-absorbed dick, so I don’t really care what happens to his Bruce Wayne/Batman. And partly, I dislike the unrelentingly downbeat tone of these movies. Like Neo-Galactica, it’s ultimately about unsympathetic characters and nihilism for me… But then I’m already hearing talk about rebooting this series after the third chapter comes out this summer, so there’s always the next version. (Really? A reboot already? You can’t give it a rest for a decade, guys? Sheesh…)
  • Something I’ve Never Seen That Everyone Else Has: Finally, this one isn’t really a “geek” thing, but it is a pretty major landmark that is constantly referenced, at least by people of a certain age, and I just have to nod my head like I know what they’re talking about because I’ve never seen… Rocky. That’s right, one of the watershed blockbusters of the ’70s and I’ve not seen it, or any of its sequels. Not do I really care. Not a big Stallone fan, you see…
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May162012

Ancient Memories and Weird News

The other day my brain wandered all the way back to a dim, cobwebby memory of my childhood in the 1970s, to something I thought I recalled seeing in those long ago days of macrame’ and man-perms… a made-for-TV movie that had something to do with two kids and a sea turtle into whose shell they carved their initials… and then as grown-ups these two encounter a gargantuan monster turtle, which naturally enough is revealed in the very final shot to be their turtle, for it still had their initials in its shell…

Now, I tend to have surprisingly good recall of the stuff I saw and heard as a kid — uncannily good, according to The Girlfriend, who despite being only two years younger than me remembers practically nothing of the ’70s — and my memories of TV are often especially clear, despite not having seen some of this stuff since it was originally broadcast. There was, for instance, an episode of Space: 1999 in which a monster pulled screaming astronauts underneath its body and then spat back a smoking, human-shaped pile of cinders. (It’s called “Dragon’s Domain,” and looking at the comments over on YouTube, it appears I wasn’t the only one who was completely traumatized by it.) And then there was an episode of the Patrick Duffy series Man from Atlantis in which people were infested by mind-controlling “spores” that looked like little blue lights. I remember KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park and The Paul Lynde Halloween Special (which also featured KISS, interestingly enough). Hell, I even remember a cheapo TV movie about Captain Nemo of 20,000 Leagues fame going up against a submarine-based laser weapon controlled by some kind of alien. All of those things are — and always have been — pretty clear in my mind. I’ve always known that those experiences did happen, that those movies and episodes existed. I retained at least a vague idea of the plotlines and casts and titles. But this turtle thing… all I had of it were the kids and the initials carved into the shell, and that stinger ending. I couldn’t remember a title or a plot. Just… images. I briefly wondered if maybe I had dreamed the whole thing — there are certain, very intense dreams I had years ago that I still recall in flashes, and I considered the possibility that this turtle movie was one of those.

There was only one way to be sure… so I fired up the Google-ator and typed in three words: “tv movie turtle.” And lo and behold, one of the very first items it returned was a cult-site review of something called The Bermuda Depths:

Broadcasted on Friday, January 27, 1978 on the ABC Friday Night Movie, THE BERMUDA DEPTHS is an American made-for-TV movie that was released theatrically in some foreign countries soon afterwards. Often sought out as the “giant turtle movie” or “that movie with the girl with glowing green eyes” by IMDB.com and Ebay searchers who cannot remember the film’s title…

Well, that’s all I needed to read. The review goes on to describe in great detail a story that doesn’t ring even small, unobtrusive bells. But I know that was my turtle movie. And from the sound of the review, it was very surrealistic, which explains my impression that it could have been a dream.

Curiosity aroused, I clicked the mouse a few more times… and learned that, of course, this thing is available on DVD as one of the manufacture-on-demand offerings from the Warner Archive, only $14.95. I filed that little tidbit away, thinking I may take a gamble one of these days and buy a copy, just to see what the heck it is that’s lurking in the musty corner of my memory. And that’s basically where this story would’ve ended… if later the same day I hadn’t spotted a news item about a man finding a turtle into which his son had carved his initials… in 1965.

Sometimes the echoes and resonances get to be a little spooky.

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Oct232011

My Favorite New Show of 2011

Let us now sing the praises of my favorite new television series of the fall season… and the way the ratings have been dropping week to week, we’d probably better hurry because it’s not likely going to be around much longer. And what a damn shame that is, because I’m personally finding Pan Am to be a refreshing change from all those dour forensics shows and police procedurals, the “reality” competitions that reward the most sociopathic behavior, and of course all the boring damn variations on the amateur talent-hour.

If you don’t know it — and based on those disappointing ratings, I’m guessing you don’t — Pan Am follows the adventures of four young flight attendants and, to a lesser extent, their male counterparts up in the cockpit, as they fly around the world exploring exotic destinations and discovering their own potential and limitations. The show is set in the early 1960s, when jet airliners were the latest thing, travel still had a whiff of glamour and privilege about it, and the Cold War insinuated itself into the background of just about everything. But while Pan Am does pay lip service to the social issues of the day, particularly the ridiculous sexism that told women they shouldn’t have any dreams beyond making babies and cooking Sunday pot roasts, the show’s really not interested in examining these themes in depth. To be honest, it’s got more in common with The Love Boat than Mad Men, and the plots tend to be a little far-fetched, if not downright silly. (One of the ladies is a courier for the CIA who occasionally gets herself into some overblown intrigue; I find the stories about her sister, an insecure young woman who ran out on her own wedding, far more compelling.) That’s not to say the show is stupid or lacking in genuine poignancy, because it’s not. But it is a trifle, and deliberately so. It’s obviously intended to be a light dessert rather than a heavy meal. And honestly, that’s the very reason why the show appeals to me, because simple escapism has been out of fashion for far too long. Even the generally lighthearted Castle has done its grim serial killer story. And I’m sick and tired of grim.

The one thing Pan Am does especially well, the thing that keeps me coming back for more, is the way it captures the un-ironic optimism of an era when anything seemed possible, as well as the bubbly excitement of going some place new for the first time. The show reminds me of what it felt like to be young. It’s a welcome break from the harshness of our current-day reality.

And of course it has airplanes and pre-TSA airports, and I like seeing those things…

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Sep062011

Possibly the Most Awesome Promotion for a TV Show Ever

I’m only vaguely aware of the HBO series Boardwalk Empire — I’ve heard the title and know that it’s a period piece set in Atlantic City, and that it stars Steve Buscemi, an actor who could radiate a clammy aura of sleaze even while baking an apple pie in a field of sunflowers — but this has got to be the most awesome (and possibly the most expensive) promotional idea I’ve ever run across:

Starting on Saturday, September 3rd an authentic vintage 1920’s train
will run on the express 2/3 track in Manhattan throughout September
(specifically, from 12 to 6 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays). Originally
operated by the Interborough Rapid Transit (IRT) system, the train began
service back in 1917 and will once again be operational. Customers who
have the opportunity to ride the vintage train will be transported back
in time to the Prohibition era with authentic details such as rattan
seats, ceiling fans and drop sash windows, as well as a custom branded
interior featuring Boardwalk Empire-inspired period artwork.

Scott Beale over at Laughing Squid was lucky enough to encounter this vintage train over the weekend. Here’s a little video he made of the experience:

What a cool idea. Somebody in HBO’s promotions department ought to get a bonus for this one. Scott also took a few stills; you can see them here. And the passage I quoted above came from here. And even though I live 2,000 miles away from New York, I am sufficiently intrigued by this stunt that I just may give Boardwalk Empire a look, so I guess the promo worked, eh?

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Apr042011

What, Another TV Meme?

I know I just recently did a TV-themed meme, but this one (already done by Jaquandor and SamuraiFrog) looked sufficiently different to be worth the time, and besides, last week was one of those weeks when I couldn’t seem to produce an original and coherent blog entry to save my life — even the weekend was a washout, thanks to a overnight snowstorm that brought down tree branches all over the Compound and left me with a chainsaw in my hand for most of yesterday — but I could answer a couple of questions here and there in between doing other things. Maybe I ought to try one of those “Ask Me Anything” deals like Jaquandor and John Scalzi both do…

Anyhow, the meme begins below the fold:

Continue Reading…

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Mar032011

2009 Media Wrap-Up

Yeah, I know, I’m a little late with this one. Usher, would you please show that heckler to the door? Thanks. I’ll wait until he’s… oh, okay, good now we can talk.

Last night, I was trying to look something up when I realized that I never got around to doing my customary overview of the books, movies, and home video I enjoyed in 2009. I’ve managed to hit every other year since 2005, but somehow ’09 got away from me. Well, anyone who knows me knows I can’t tolerate that sort of inconsistency! Luckily, I was able to find my handwritten notes for that year — yes, I keep notes about these things — so I’ve now been able to put together the official Simple Tricks and Nonsense 2009 Media Wrap-Up.

(I realize, of course, that this information is likely of very little interest to anyone but myself. I’m only going to the trouble of making a blog entry at this late date for my own records, and to satisfy my OCD. Thanks for your understanding. If you’re vacillating about whether to read on, it might help you to know that I’m not going to bother with any commentary on this one, it’ll just be lists of titles.)

Continue Reading…

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Mar022011

Five-by-Five TV Meme, Preceded by a Bit of Ranting

I struggled all last week to compose one of my occasional political cris de couer, this one motivated by the nonsense currently going on in Wisconsin. If you’ve been in a cave for the last month — and I know at least one of my Loyal Readers whose circumstances could be described as such — Wisconsin’s Republican governor is using a budgetary crisis, which he seems to have engineered himself, as a pretense to try and force his state’s public-sector labor unions into giving up their collective bargaining rights. In shorter words, he’s union-busting. But he’s not busting all the public-sector unions. No, he’s only after the ones whose members tend to vote Democratic. The Republican-leaning police and firefighter unions are safe. Which means this whole exercise is transparently partisan and blatantly ideological. I’m not interested in debating the pros and cons of unions — Kevin Drum pretty much sums up my opinion here, and says it better than I could anyhow — but the more unsavory political truth of the Wisconsin deal makes me mad. It is only the most obvious example of how Republicans nationwide are trying to take advantage of a shaky economy to ram through a radical right-wing social agenda that they haven’t managed to accomplish in decades of trying. In other words, they’re trying to kill things Republicans hate on principle anyway, while saying they have to do it to get the economy going.

Bullshit.

Here’s the thing: if you really care about cutting the deficit, then you’ve got to be willing to at least consider letting the Bush tax cuts expire. The tax rates during the Clinton years were hardly onerous — they were lower than the taxes in the prosperous 1950s — and they’d go a long ways toward balancing the books. And you also ought to be trying to find a way to convince the wealthy — who seem to think they’re above paying taxes — that they are still part of this country, even if they live behind locked gates, and it’s immoral of them not to contribute to the common good. Oh, and you’d get serious about making corporations pay their fair share too. And while I’m pipe-dreaming anyhow, how about re-regulating the financial industry that caused this mess anyhow? And sending a few CEOs to jail? Or at least taking their solid-gold parachutes away from them and giving the money to the employees who got laid off to bolster the stockholders’ dividends last quarter… but noooo, that’s class warfare and we can’t have that. Not unless it’s being waged on the middle-class people who actually do the work in this country and are fast on their way to becoming vassals of a new feudalism. The sad thing is, a lot of them seem to actually want that…

Yeah, anyhow that’s the gist of what I’ve been trying to write, but the damn thing just hasn’t wanted to come together in a satisfying way, so tonight I decided “Screw it, let’s do a nice harmless meme.” And as fate would have it, SamuraiFrog recently provided one…

Continue Reading…

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Feb092011

A Very Brady Episode of Vega$

So, I’ve continued to dip from time to time into Vega$, that late-70s TV show starring Robert Urich as a T-Bird-driving private eye which I briefly discussed last summer. I haven’t made it through the first season yet, and honestly, I’m not sure if I’m going to bother completing it. The show is entertaining in the bubbly, has-been-celebrity-watch fashion of many series from this era (Charlie’s Angels, Fantasy Island, etc.), but it’s ultimately pretty disposable. No, actually it’s downright confounding, because you can see how this show could’ve been so much more. All the pieces were in place for it to be a groundbreaking peek at the grime beneath the glitz of one of America’s greatest fantasy cities, with a compassionate hero who struggles with his own dark side even as he fights to ensure justice for the victims he encounters. In other words, it could’ve been very much like Miami Vice would turn out to be only a few years later. (Remember that Vega$ was created by Michael Mann, the producer of Vice; Mann didn’t create Vice, but he was responsible for the show’s look and tone, and I’m not surprised that his earlier work contains seeds that flowered on the later show). But Vega$ is what it is, sadly, and even if it were to be remade today in a grittier style, I think the horse has already bolted on the thematic territory I’m talking about. It’s been done, and fans of the original Vega$ would no doubt gripe about how everything has to be “dark” these days, just I’ve done myself with remakes of old shows I like. C’est la vie.

Anyhow, one of the more amusing aspects of the show is the frequent guest appearances by old-timey entertainers and Hollywood B-listers trying to keep their careers going just a little longer. And the episode I watched the other night, “The Pageant,” contained not just one, but two of these guest appearances by well-known faces that added up to a real doozy of a laugh. The plot was unusually serious for Vega$, involving a serial rapist preying on contestants in the “Miss Casino” beauty pageant. The first young lady to get attacked is the daughter of a state senator who hires our hero, Dan Tanna, to find and stop the perpetrator without the publicity attracted by regular police activity. The senator was ably played by none other than Robert Reed, better known as Mike Brady on the classic sitcom The Brady Bunch, seen here at the height of his mid-70s perm-and-mustache phase. And the senator’s daughter? None other than… Maureen McCormick, a.k.a. Marsha Brady.

This casting was so startling and funny to me that I can’t help but think it had to be intended as some kind of stunt. I can actually hear the voiceover in my head saying, “Tonight on Vega$: a Brady Bunch father-and-daughter reunion in the City of Sin!” I compared the dates of production and it turns out that only four years had elapsed since the end of The Brady Bunch in March 1974 and the airing of “The Pageant” in November 1978, so audiences of the day would surely have noticed the pairing of two such familiar faces. I wonder if anyone back in ’78 found it unsettling to hear Mr. Brady discussing Marsha’s rape with a two-fisted PI? Did the producers of Vega$ have some kind of perverse goal in casting actors so strongly associated with a squeaky-clean family comedy? Maybe they were trying to make the rape seem extra-tragic by having it happen to one of America’s favorite TV daughters? Or is it actually possible that McCormick and Reed were cast independently, without anyone even considering the Brady Bunch angle? It’s possible I suppose… but it still feels like a stunt to me.

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Feb082011

The Doctor Who Infographic

It seems like I’ve been mentioning Doctor Who quite a bit lately, and even though I always try to include sufficient background information when I’m blathering about something I suspect my readers might not know about, I imagine this show remains pretty esoteric for a lot of you folks. So in the spirit of being a good blog host, I thought this charming image might be helpful (Who fans are welcome to peruse it as well… it’s pretty fun!):

The Definitive Doctor Who Infographic
see more Lol Celebs

Ed. Note: Looks like in order to see it at full size, you’ll have to click the image to jump to the source page, then click it again to enlarge. Sorry for the runaround… I didn’t realize it would be that big a deal when I started this post!

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