The Glass Teat

Tales of Gold Monkey

Tales of the Gold Monkey, which I mentioned in the previous entry, was another one-season-wonder of a television show that gouged a huge divot in my impressionable young brain. Curiously, it ran in the same 1982-83 television season as Voyagers! (back when network series still had discreet and contiguous seasons instead of only occasionally airing new episodes in between re-runs); there must’ve been something in the air that year that caused TV shows to lodge themselves so firmly in my memory. Hell, I still remember the actual time slots of the shows I loved: Voyagers! was on Sunday nights and Gold Monkey was Wednesdays. Yes, I did spend far too much time thinking about what was on the tube…
Be that as it may, Gold Monkey was a nifty show, a good old-fashioned pulp adventure set in the South Pacific of the 1930s. I think it failed largely because people compared it unfavorably to Raiders of the Lost Ark; both were set in the ’30s and featured an all-American leather-jacketed hero and dastardly Nazis, so of course one had to be a rip-off of the other. But I didn’t care about the similarities when I was a kid, and I’ve since decided that Gold Monkey was actually far more similar to the Bogart-Bacall classic To Have and Have Not than any of the Indiana Jones movies. Even in the ’80s, however, nobody bothered to watch the classics, so the rip-off accusation stuck, and by the start of the ’83-’84 season, Gold Monkey was only a memory. At least until somebody finally gets those DVDs into production!

While we wait for that boxed set of shiny silver discs, here’s the opening title sequence, featuring an appropriately jaunty theme song by uber-composer Mike Post. I miss opening title sequences…

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Voyagers! on DVD!

Wow, here’s an announcement I never thought I’d read: the TV series Voyagers! will be released on DVD on July 17th.
What’s that? You say you’ve never heard of Voyagers!? Well, I’m not surprised. It lasted only a single season, but it made a huge impression on me. Aimed squarely at the 10-14 year old market, the show was about a handsome-but-lunkheaded time traveler who accidentally picks up a 10-year-old companion, then finds himself unable to return the kid to his own time. Not that the kid wants to go… you see, he’s a history buff and an orphan, so blazing through the past is far more appealing than growing up in a boring old foster home in 1982. And his knowledge of history comes in useful, because our grown-up Voyager lost his handy guidebook and doesn’t know crap about any of the events they keep finding themselves in the middle of.

It was all pretty silly and self-consciously educational in the way of early-80s kidvid, but I’m pretty sure this is one I’ll still enjoy. I’ve already earmarked my $49.98 for the set. Now, if only somebody would get to work on Tales of the Gold Monkey

Here are the opening credits for Voyagers!, which should give you a taste of the show if you don’t remember it, or generate a nice nostalgic glow if you do:

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WKRP: Looks Like I Won’t Be Buying This One

Well, this is entirely unsurprising and also extremely disappointing: reports are surfacing that that the upcoming DVD release of WKRP in Cincinnati — one of my all-time favorite television comedies — has been heavily edited because of music clearance issues. Jaime J. Weinman has the details, but the short version is that pretty much all of the original music from the show is gone. And so are many scenes in which characters explicitly reference the original music, or which only make sense in the context of viewers hearing the music (like the infamous scene in which Mr. Carlson asks burn-out DJ Johnny Fever if he hears dogs barking while a Pink Floyd album plays).

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Joey Fatone’s Star Wars Tango

Boy, does this ever sound like a recipe for total fanboy embarassment: take an ex-boy-bander who’s gone a bit beefy with maturity, put him on a dippy reality-show dance-off with a bunch of other has-beens and B-listers, and let him do a routine set to that old disco-ized version of the main title from Star Wars, complete with a lightsaber prop. When I heard about this, I was prepared to hang my head in shame for ever liking a movie that could lead to this… and yet it turned out to be surprisingly entertaining, if not exactly cool:

No doubt it was the girl’s Leia-style metal bikini that salvaged the whole thing…

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Denny Crane’s Past Comes Back to Haunt Him

That episode of Boston Legal I mentioned a while back aired tonight, the one that was going to incorporate footage from a legal drama William Shatner did 50 years ago. It wasn’t quite what I was expecting — the episode used only three short vintage clips, and their usage was rather understated, with none of the “significant television event” atmosphere that usually permeates this sort of stunt. But it was nevertheless a very good episode. Writer-producer David E. Kelley dialed his trademark silliness way down for a tense hostage-crisis story that’s really about the way fathers continue to influence grown men long after dad has passed on. Shatner, who is of course known as a relentless chewer of scenery and whose character on this show, Denny Crane, is something of a nutcase, delivered a subtle performance that I think ranks among the very best work he’s ever done. And the final scene, in which Denny discusses the day’s traumatic events with his friend Alan (James Spader), brought a lump to my throat; every BL episode ends on a similar note, with these two very successful, very damaged men sharing good cigars, good whiskey, friendship, and truths that have never before been spoken. But this one, in which Denny quietly says that he dosen’t want to go home tonight and Alan immediately offer to come keep him company, was immensely moving.

I haven’t been a regular viewer of this show, but I think I like it more with every episode I see…

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Ken Burns Visits Utah

Shoot… I wish this wasn’t scheduled in the middle of the day, when I’ll be tied to my desk here in the Proofreader’s Cave: the filmmaker Ken Burns will be speaking at BYU tomorrow at 11 a.m. His masterpiece documentary series The Civil War was one of the most profoundly moving television programs I’ve ever seen, and I’m looking forward to his new series about World War II with great anticipation.

It’ll be interesting to see exactly how he stages this new documentary. His signature style — slow pans across or zooms into a vintage photograph while actors read from writings contemporary to the photo’s subject — has been much copied, almost to the point of cliche, but Burns can still wring deep emotions from the technique. He’s that good at what he does. However, in the case of WW II, there is a tremendous amount of motion-picture footage available — a resource he obviously didn’t have when he was discussing the Civil War — so will he continue on with the stills because they’re “his thing,” or make more use of moving images? I suppose it will depend on the effect he’s trying to achieve… but if he does go the motion-picture route, what will then differentiate his World War II series from all the other docs about that war, which is probably the most “documentarized” subject in world history?

I guess we’ll find out… The War is scheduled to air on PBS stations in September. In the meantime, if anyone reading this happens to attend Burns’ presentation tomorrow, drop me a line. I’d love to hear your impressions of him.

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Speaking of Shatner…

Today is The Shat’s 76th birthday. So let’s take a moment to consider all the wonderful things that this great, great man has contributed to our culture: James T. Kirk… T.J. Hooker… Denny Crane… Kingdom of the Spiders… the only movie ever made that’s entirely in Esperanto

To honor his continued existence here among us, allow me to present this video clip of The Shat clarifying, once for all, who and what he really is:

Remember, people: they were just puppets!

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Shatner on Shatner Action!

This is a fun idea: an upcoming episode of William Shatner’s television series Boston Legal will incorporate footage from The Defender, a courtroom drama that Shatner filmed 50 years ago, back in the days of live TV (it’s available on DVD, oddly enough), as a flashback to explain why a hostage taker has a grudge against Shatner’s BL character, Denny Crane. No word on if the old clips will be colorized or digitally massaged in any way, but with Boston Legal, you never can tell — they may run them in grainy black-and-white for effect.

I didn’t think much of Boston Legal the first couple times I watched it — I have the same problem with it that I have with most of David E. Kelley‘s shows, which is that no people in the real world behave remotely the way his eccentric characters do — but it’s growing on me, in large part because of Shatner. Readers of this blog know that I like him anyway because of the Star Trek connection, but in the role of Denny Crane, he’s finally shed any lingering typecasting from having been Captain Kirk and seems, for the first time (and the first performance) in years, to be really comfortable and happy in a role again. And his chemistry with James Spader is simply delicious.

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Young Indy on DVD

An article on IGN.com is reporting that The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles are finally on their way to DVD, according to the Great Flanneled One. However, it looks like I’ll still have to hold on to the old VHS recordings I made of the series when it originally aired:

The DVDs will include the reedited versions of the series previously available on VHS, which took the 44 episodes of the show and turned them into 22, 90 minute, feature length stories.
(Emphasis mine.)

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Jack Bauer to Speak to West Pointers About Torture

When the series 24 premiered way back in 2001 (has it really been that long ago? Wow…), I thought it was brilliant, inventive, exciting, and, above all, grown-up television. Yeah, the plot was full of holes when you viewed it from the mile-high, all-season-long perspective, and the show suffered a bit from the “one-damn-thing-after-another” quality of the cliffhanger serials from which it descended. But when taken episode by episode, 24 was (and still is, despite its flaws) compellingly watchable, suspenseful storytelling that makes a strong argument for serialized TV drama being the modern-day equivalent of Dickens’ episodic novels.

I’ve loyally stuck with 24 for the past five seasons, but I must admit that I’ve done so with an increasing sense of discomfort. My growing ambivalence for the show is partly a result of the inevitable decline that comes as any TV series ages out — in other words, the concept is just getting tired — but a much bigger issue for me is the question of torture.

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