My friend Erin posted a link to this clip earlier today, with the comment that it makes her happy every time she sees it, and “It’s just nice to know, with all the divisiveness and conflict in the world today, that there are still some things that are universal.”

I’ll be damned if watching it didn’t make me feel happy, too. See if you don’t agree:

It comes from the website of a guy named Matt, who apparently wanders the world and dances. Not a bad way to spend your life, actually. And not a bad way to start a long holiday weekend after a really long week… have a good one, kids.

It was plenty cool the other night when Michael Phelps landed his eighth Olympic gold medal (with the help of three other guys whose names you probably already can’t remember, the poor slobs), but there was such an air of inevitability around the event that it honestly didn’t feel like much of a triumph, at least not to me. (My lack of engagement might have had something to do with the fact that I was watching the rebroadcast in the wee hours of the morning, but still, I’m trying to make a point here…)

Things were different last night when 16-year-old Shawn Johnson finally won her own gold medal on her last routine in the Beijing Games. I confess, I’ve developed something of a crush on this kid over the past few days. She comes across as confident and cheerful (unlike some of her fellow gymnasts, who sometimes seem as if it’s all they can do to keep their eyes from going all Bruce Banner-y), and gracious to boot (I was very impressed by an interview I heard a day or two back when she seemed perfectly happy with the three silver medals she scored earlier in the week, which the media was of course trying to depict as a crushing tragedy. I believe she said something to the effect of, “the silver ones are actually really pretty,” with no real hint of disappointment over not getting a gold one.) And then there’s that smile… to employ the old cliche, she lights up the whole stadium when she smiles. And she was really grinning last night when the results were announced. It was virtually impossible not to share her happiness and to feel a cathartic sense that, yes, sometimes things do work out the way they’re supposed to.

Now, if only I was 20 years younger so I didn’t feel quite so unseemly about thinking how damn cute she is…

Catching up on a couple of stories we’ve been following here at Simple Tricks, I see that dog cloner Bernann McKinney admitted on Saturday that she is also Joyce McKinney, the notorious missionary molester. She reportedly hoped the press would focus on the puppy angle instead of dredging up the “garbage” from her past. She should’ve known better, given the tabloid-mentality climate in which we live today. I actually feel somewhat sorry for her — how awful would it be to have some stupid act you committed three decades ago still hanging over your head now? — but my sympathy only extends so far, because if she really wanted the news coverage to ignore her past, she should’ve taken steps to remain anonymous. How hard would it have been to require the cloning lab to keep her name and most especially her photo out of the press release? Because people don’t forget stories that involve a combination of sex, religion, and generally weird behavior, and, in her case, the face was pretty memorable as well. I’d say she’s lucky that Great Britain doesn’t seem to be interested in extraditing her (she jumped bail 31 years ago in the wake of the missionary thing).

Of course, there is the possibility that her discomfort at being recognized is a sham. The article I linked to above notes a history of oddball behavior and run-ins with the law. Maybe some little part of her — or maybe even a big part — craves attention, even if it is from the tabloid press. Maybe she was hoping for exactly what just happened. Hard to say, of course… but in any event, I imagine the former missionary she used to be obsessed with has had a rough week.

Moving on, there’s just one final loose end in the story of the man who was making ricin in my hometown: Thomas Tholen, owner of the Riverton, Utah, home where the toxin was produced, has pleaded guilty to knowing that his cousin, Roger Von Bergendorff, was illegally producing the stuff, and also to lying to investigators about it. He claims to have been scared, and frankly I don’t blame him. Still, he made the wrong choice; I can see him not acting while the looney was living in his basement, but why didn’t he report Von Bergendorff once the guy moved out?

Tholen faces three years in prison and a $250,000 fine; he’ll be sentenced on October 22. Von Bergendorff will be sentenced two weeks later, on November 3.

So, have you heard about the woman who reportedly sold her house to raise $50,000 so she could pay a South Korean company to clone her dead pit bull, which went by the charming and tasteful name of “Booger?” The basic story is pretty weird on its own — not least of all because the woman apparently thinks the cloned puppies are reincarnations* of Booger, based on her statement that they “know her” — but now it seems to be getting even weirder. I’ve been reading some speculation that Bernann McKinney, the proud owner of a litter of clone puppies, might in fact be Joyce McKinney, who, 30 years ago, abducted a Mormon missionary and took him to a rented cottage in the English countryside, where she chained him to a bed with mink-lined handcuffs and had her way with him — several times — in the hopes that he would marry her. The British tabloid The Daily Mail has the gory details, if you’re interested.

Brenann McKinney is denying that she’s the notorious missionary rapist, but I see a strong resemblance in the photos on Paul Rolly’s blog, and Salt Lake filmmaker Trent Harris, who once did a documentary on Joyce McKinney, is quoted as being “pretty sure” they’re one and the same person.

I vaguely remember hearing about the missionary abduction when I was growing up, but I always thought it was an urban legend, like Emo’s grave or the satanists in Memory Grove. I should’ve known better… if there’s a weird story out there, it almost always seems to come with a Utah connection. This state seems to exert a magnetic pull on colorful characters and offbeat occurrences. I consider it one of the many fringe benefits of living here…

* You know, this is a common misperception, that clones are not merely genetic duplicates but somehow retain the memories and personality of the donor organism as well, and it drives me crazy. It’s nonsense, of course. A clone is no more the same animal — or person, because you know that’s coming eventually — than a so-called “identical” twin sibling. They may share the same DNA, but they have their own thoughts and experiences, and often don’t even look all that much alike. The culprit is, I believe, a whole lot of really bad made-for-TV movies and a big dose of ignorance.

Yeah, I know. The lolcat thing is so over. Nevertheless, I thought this was funny:

more cat pictures

Because I’m a sci-fi nerd, and we’re all about the airlocks…

Here’s an item I’ve been meaning to post for a while now, a rather amusing map of the afterlife inspired by the layout of the Magic Kingdom, right down to Cinderella’s castle in the middle of the “lands.” As usual, click to enlarge:

I suspect that once I’ve traded in my mortal coil for a celestial E-Ticket, I’ll be spending a lot of time in the Arena of Answers trying to figure out just what the heck was going on down here on Earth, and I could actually use that Nu-Body machine right now. So I’ve got some things to look forward to, at least. How about you?

(Source via.)

Just in case you were wondering, here is a list of the top ten conspiracy theories believed by 1,000 British adults surveyed in connection with the new X Files movie:

1. Area 51 exists to investigate aliens (48%)
2. 9/11 was orchestrated by the US government (38%)
3. Apollo landing was a hoax (35%)
4. Diana and Dodi were murdered (32%)
5. The Illuminati secret society and masons are trying to take over the world (25%)
6. Scientologists rule Hollywood (17% )
7. Barcodes are really intended to control people (7%)
8. Microsoft sends messages via Wingdings (6%)
9. US let Pearl Harbour happen (5%)
10. The world is run by dinosaur-like reptiles (3%)

For the record, I personally think all of these notions are bunk, and numbers two, three, and nine are downright offensive in both their ignorance and their cynicism (the Apollo missions were among the greatest achievements ever in the history of our ridiculous, half-savage species and should be revered as such, and the idea that any government would knowingly allow or even purposefully cause the deaths of thousands of its own citizens to secretly advance a political agenda is repugnant; not impossible, mind you, but so impossibly vile and complex in execution that I can’t believe they’d get away with it for long). Nevertheless, this list is pretty interesting, isn’t it? Notice that six of the ten items have something to do with the United States directly, and three of the remaining four are transnational. Only one conspiracy theory is uniquely British in its subject matter or, presumably, its origin. Come on, Brits, surely there’re more dark secrets in the halls of Westminster than just the assassination of Diana… it’s like you’re not even trying!

Incidentally, I understand those reptilian aliens who run the world are supposed to have a major underground base right here in Utah. Google around and you’ll find mentions of Dugway Proving Grounds, secret cloning facilities at the University of Utah, and, of course, connections with the LDS church, or at least with the Temple in downtown SLC. My personal favorite story is the “ancient tunnel network” that supposedly connected into Crossroads Mall — allegedly the site of many encounters with creepy alien and paranormal stuff. Of course, the block where Crossroads once stood is now a massive construction pit. No doubt just a front operation to fill in or otherwise conceal those pesky tunnels…

(Via.)

Another ungodly busy day, another lame non-entry entry. Maybe one of these days, I’ll find the time to write something worthwhile again. At least, I hope so…

In the meantime, check out this video of a close encounter between creatures from two very different worlds:

Orca & Dog from Chantelle Tucker on Vimeo.

Fun, huh?

Via.

So what does it say about me that people keep sending me video clips that have something to do with Star Wars and/or Indiana Jones? Do you think I’ve finally blown my cover and people are beginning to get the idea that I’m secretly a raving fanboy? And here I’ve tried so hard to be subtle about it…

Anyhow, the first clip is courtesy of my friend and co-worker Karen, who has a thing for the smaller and cuter varieties of camelids. As this video proves, however, she might want to be wary. An adorable, woolly face can conceal sinister intentions…

After watching that, I honestly don’t know whether I should run for cover or say, “Awwww…”

If alpacas aren’t your speed, here’s something sent to me by Brian that I’ve been meaning to post for a couple of weeks (sorry, Brian — bet you thought I’d forgotten!). It’s a rough animatic leaked from ILM showing Uncle George’s plans for a special edition of Raiders of the Lost Ark that’s more in line with his current thinking about when our heroes should and should not fire their weapons. Thankfully, these plans were shelved following the Great Fanboy Wars of 1997-2005:

Just to prove Mojo Nixon’s theory that Elvis is everywhere, have a look at this Roman sculpture dating to the 2nd Century AD:

Kind of eerie, eh? According to this article, this bust that bears such an uncanny resemblance to the one and only King of Rock and Roll is something called an acroterion, “a kind of architectural ornament often found for decoration on the corners of a sarcophagus, a stone tomb or burial chamber.”

Hm. A burial chamber? So perhaps this is a likeness of someone inside the burial chamber? And how could a man who died 1,800 years ago… look like Elvis? There are those who believe that Elvis was some kind deity… but let us not go there. A more likely theory — which explains a great many things about the truly weird life of Mr. Presley — is that he wasn’t entirely human. Think of it: an entire planet of Elvii who come here in their rhinestone-bedazzled spacecraft every century or so to try and teach our mortal species the wisdom of the universe… or perhaps there was only one Elvis, our Elvis, but he didn’t really die in the bathroom of Graceland in ’77 as everyone believes, he just quantum-leaped to another time and place… ancient Rome, say, where he became a man of sufficient wealth and influence to have an acroterion carved in his likeness.

Or perhaps this is a very silly blog entry being written by a man who ought to be putting his time to better use.
Me, I’m going with the Planet of the Elvii theory.

Via.