A couple people have sent this to me today, so I thought I’d do my part and pass it along in turn: It’s a list of observations about England made by an American named Scott Waters following his fourth trip to that country. He posted the list on his Facebook page just under two weeks ago, and it’s since gone viral; supposedly it’s been shared over 50,000 times.

England is not the same as Scotland, of course — something the Scots are very quick to point out! — but both countries are part of the United Kingdom and have had an intermingled culture for centuries, which means that I noted many of these same points during my recent adventure north of Hadrian’s Wall:

• Almost everyone is very polite.
• The food is generally outstanding.
  [Ed. note: Proper fish and chips!]
• There are no guns.
• There are too many narrow stairs.
• Everything is just a little bit different.
• The pubs close too early.
• The reason they drive on the left is because all their cars are built backwards.
• Pubs are not bars, they are community living rooms.
• You’d better like peas, potatoes and sausage.
• Refrigerators and washing machines are very small.
• Everything is generally older, smaller and shorter.
• People don’t seem to be afraid of their neighbors or the government.
• Their paper money makes sense, the coins don’t.
  [Ed. note: This isn’t entirely true. The coins make sense, it’s just that the 5p coin is the size of an American dime, while the 10p coin is the size of a nickel, so it’s confusing to Americans who are trying to sort change without looking at it…]
• Everyone has a washing machine but driers are rare.
  [Ed. note: I thought it was rather charming to see actual clotheslines again…]
• Hot and cold water faucets. Remember them?
• Pants are called “trousers”, underwear are “pants” and sweaters are “jumpers”.
• The bathroom light is a string hanging from the ceiling.
• “Fanny” is a naughty word, as is “shag”.
• All the signs are well designed with beautiful typography and written in full sentences with proper grammar.
• There’s no dress code.
• Doors close by themselves, but they don’t always open.
• They eat with their forks upside down.
  [Ed. note: Okay. I didn’t notice this one.]
• The English are as crazy about their gardens as Americans are about cars.
• They don’t seem to use facecloths or napkins or maybe they’re just less messy than we are.
• The wall outlets all have switches, some don’t do anything.
• There are hardly any cops or police cars.
• 5,000 year ago, someone arranged a lot of rocks all over, but no one is sure why.
• When you do see police they seem to be in male & female pairs and often smiling.
• Black people are just people: they didn’t quite do slavery here.
• Everything comes with chips, which are French Fries. You put vinegar on them.
• Cookies are “biscuits” and potato chips are “crisps”.
• HP sauce is better than catsup.
• Obama is considered a hero, Bush is considered an idiot.
• After fish and chips, curry is the most popular food.
• The water controls in showers need detailed instructions.
• They can boil anything.
• Folks don’t always lock their bikes.
• It’s not unusual to see people dressed different and speaking different languages.
• Your electronic devices will work fine with just a plug adapter.
• Nearly everyone is better educated than we are.
• If someone buys you a drink you must do the same.
• There are no guns.
• Look right, walk left. Again; look right, walk left. You’re welcome.
• Avoid British wine and French beer.
• It’s not that hard to eat with the fork in your left hand with a little practice. If you don’t, everyone knows you’re an American.
  [Ed. note: Fortunately, I’m left-handed, so I was already doing that anyhow!]
• Many of the roads are the size of our sidewalks.
  [Ed. note: This is true! And terrifying… ]
• There’s no AC.
• Instead of turning the heat up, you put on a jumper.
• Gas is “petrol”, it costs about $6 a gallon and is sold by the liter.
• If you speed on a motorway, you get a ticket. Period. Always.
• You don’t have to tip, really!
• Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Cornwall really are different countries.
• Only 14% of Americans have a passport, almost everyone in the UK does.
• You pay the price marked on products because the taxes (VAT) are built in.
• Walking is the national pastime.
• Their TV looks and sounds much better than ours.
• They took the street signs down during WWII, but haven’t put them all back up yet.
• Everyone enjoys a good joke.
• There are no guns.
• Dogs are very well behaved and welcome everywhere.
• There are no window screens.
• You can get on a bus and end up in Paris.
  [Ed. note: Well, maybe eventually… it’d be a long ride from the Highlands, though… ]
• Everyone knows more about our history than we do.
• Radio is still a big deal. The BBC is quite good.
• The newspapers can be awful.
• Everything costs the same but our money is worth less so you have to add 50% to the price to figure what you’re paying.
• Beer comes in large, completely filled, actual pint glasses and the closer the brewery the better the beer.
• Butter and eggs aren’t refrigerated.
• The beer isn’t warm, each style is served at the proper temperature.
• Cider (alcoholic) is quite good.
• Excess cider consumption can be very painful.
• The universal greeting is “Cheers” (pronounced “cheeahz” unless you are from Cornwall, in which case it’s “chairz”).
• The money is easy to understand: 1-2-5-10-20-50 pence, £1-£2 coins and £5-£10, etc bills. There are no quarters.
• Their cash makes ours look like Monopoly money.
• Cars don’t have bumper stickers.
• Many doorknobs, buildings and tools are older than America.
• By law, there are no crappy, old cars.
• When the sign says something was built in 456, they didn’t lose the “1”.
• Cake is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for desert is pudding, even pudding.
• BBC 4 is NPR.
• Everything closes by 1800 (6pm).
• Very few people smoke, those who do often roll their own.
• You’re defined by your accent.
• No one in Cornwall knows what the hell a Cornish Game Hen is.
  [Ed. note: I’ll take Scott’s word for this. It didn’t come up in Scotland.]
• Football is a religion, religion is a sport.
• Europeans dress better than the British, we dress worse.
• The trains work: a three minute delay is regrettable.
• Drinks don’t come with ice.
• There are far fewer fat English people.
• There are a lot of healthy old folks around participating in life instead of hiding at home watching TV.
• If you’re over 60, you get free TV and bus and rail passes.
• They don’t use Bose anything anywhere.
• Displaying your political or religious affiliation is considered very bad taste.
• Every pub has a pet drunk.
• Their healthcare works, but they still bitch about it.
• Cake is one of the major food groups.
• Their coffee is mediocre but the tea is wonderful.
• There are still no guns.
• Towel warmers!
  [Ed. note: These are very nice, as are toast racks.]
• Cheers!