Monthly Archives: November 2012

What Diabetes Is Like

I saw this pic of an “insulin cupcake” on Boing Boing a few days ago, and it’s kind of haunted me ever since:

insulin-cupcakeI’m fortunate not to require insulin myself — I’ve got my case of the ‘betes pretty well controlled with only two pills a day, watching what I eat, and taking an afternoon walk — but my relationship with food has changed irrevocably since my diagnosis, and this picture is a good metaphor for the new paradigm. I am now extremely conscious of everything that goes in my mouth, and every decision I make about food requires a careful cost-benefit analysis. Hell, the mere fact that there is a decision to make is a major adjustment. It used to be somebody at work would offer me a donut or a cupcake, and I’d take it and enjoy it without the slightest worry. But nowadays my answer to “Would you like a… ?” has become an automatic “Yes, but…” I can no longer even look at desserts without feeling a twinge of dread. Rich chocolate cake has assumed an ominous air, pecan pie seems downright treacherous, and I just know the Oreos are plotting against me. And it’s not just sweets, either. I approach white-flour pasta with the same trepidation as pistols at dawn, potatoes may as well be radioactive these days, and I shy away from umbrella drinks as if they were made out of the same green-glowing sludge that transformed Jack Nicholson into the Joker.

In short, I don’t find a lot of comfort in my comfort foods any more. It’s not that I can’t eat the things I’ve always loved. I can, at least once in a while. But I can’t do it with joyful carelessness anymore. Now food is freighted with consequences. It always was, of course, which is why I’m in this mess to begin with, but now I’m aware of them in a way I didn’t have to be before. I am hyperaware of them, actually, as well as the knowledge that I’ll have to adjust something else later in the day to compensate for what I do now. For me, the pleasures of eating have been blunted by anxiety. And I fear that’s never going to change… ever. This is who I am now.

I hate it.

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Quick Take: Cop Land

I missed James Mangold’s Cop Land when it was first released 15 years ago, but I recall being curious about it, because everyone was talking back then about Sylvester Stallone’s uncharacteristic performance. I finally managed to catch it this morning, and it turned out to be a good movie, if not quite an outstanding one. A story of corrupt New York cops and a small-town New Jersey sheriff who could’ve been one of them but for a chance act of heroism when he was a teenager, it suffers a bit from being somewhat familiar stuff. In fact, it reads like a second-tier Scorsese flick (the presence of Scorsese regulars Harvey Keitel, Robert DeNiro, and Ray Liotta, as well as the grittily realistic East Coast settings, no doubt contributes to that feeling) with a dollop of High Noon thrown in for good measure. But don’t misunderstand: It is well worth your time if you haven’t seen it, a solidly entertaining character study and cop thriller.

As for Stallone, well… all the buzz back in ’97 was completely deserved. I’ve never cared much for the man, to be honest, but this film is a genuine revelation. In Cop Land, he proves that he really can act (and no, I’ve never seen Rocky, which is usually offered up as a counterpoint when I say that). Here he plays a man who is pretty much the polar opposite of his usual on-screen persona. Instead of a swaggering, macho cartoon superhero, Freddie — the New Jersey sheriff — is a regular guy who’s been almost completely beaten down by disappointment and the feeling that he just wasn’t good enough to get what he wanted out of life. He’s overweight, wounded, tentative, complacent, the kind of man who takes a lot of shit and just smiles his way through it, even though something inside him twinges every single time one of his so-called friends cracks a joke at his expense or asks him to look the other way. He’s immensely likable and sympathetic in this part — we all know somebody like this, and I think many of us can identify with him, too. In the memorable words of DeNiro’s character, he’s a man waiting for something to do… and of course we all know that in the end he’s going to rise to the occasion and do it. What a shame this movie didn’t propel Stallone’s career onto another path as a true character actor, and that he’s instead had to pump himself up on steroids and just keep doing the same old schlock…

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Thanksgiving Day Wishes

I gotta be honest, I don’t get really “get” Thanksgiving. I like the four-day weekend, of course, and the pies — honestly, I could take or leave most of the traditional Thanksgiving-day foods, except for the pie — but the day itself has always seemed like kind of a second-tier holiday to me, really just a placeholder between the far more significant Halloween and Christmas, and nowadays of course nothing more than a prelude to the insanity of Black Friday shopping. And my personal history with it has not always been… good. And then there’s the ritual that seems to have sprung up of people publicly announcing online all the things for which they’re thankful, manifested most recently on Facebook as daily postings, one item a day, throughout the month of November. Um, yeah. That’s not really me either.

Even so, I would like to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving, and I hope when you sit down at your respective dinner tables, you do find some meaning in it all…

CE3K_potatoes (Extra credit if you get the meaning of that image!)

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Labor of Love

A couple years ago, I ran across a neat little site called the Sci-Fi Airshow, which is predicated on the notion that the spaceships and other miscellaneous vehicles we remember from the movies and TV series we grew up on were in fact real. Supposedly, the shows themselves were fictional, but rather than faking everything with special effects, the producers either built or acquired actual spacecraft and filmed them in action. And now, this conceit goes, these old machines are in the hands of private collectors and traveling the world on the airshow circuit so the public can see them up close, take ground tours of them, and maybe even go for rides, just like the 1940s warbirds I so love.

In reality, of course, the Sci-Fi Airshow site is just an excuse for a guy named Bill George to demonstrate his formidable art skills and love of 1960s and ’70s sci-fi through lots of gorgeous, photo-realistic renderings of imaginary spacecraft sitting in real-world settings. (I love the irony of “proving” the existence of nonexistent things by using CGI, which is arguably less “real” than the physical F/X miniatures that embodied these ships to begin with!) But the pretense is maintained throughout the site, and Bill has obviously had a lot of fun cooking up “true-life” back stories for everything. For example, it seems that the Battlestar Galactica shuttlecraft sat neglected for years on the Universal Studios backlot tour, where it eventually became a home for drug-using squatters…

Anyhow, I saw this morning that Bill has really outdone himself with the site’s latest addition, a short film all about the Jupiter 2, the iconic ship from the campy TV classic Lost in Space. The tone of the video is a dead-on imitation of similar materials from real-world airshows, from the generic music and slightly-too-cheerful host to the cheesily dramatic title graphics to the inarticulate gushing comments made by spectators. One technical thing that caught my interest: when the video references the Jupiter 2‘s cinematic ancestors — the flying saucers seen in movies of the 1950s — what we see is not footage from those early films, but digital re-creations that manage to look simultaneously identical to and better than the original effects shots. The obvious explanation is that Bill didn’t want or could not pay to license authentic film footage, but I wonder if perhaps we aren’t meant to think these vessels were “real” as well, and we’re what we’re seeing is “behind-the-scenes” footage?  Or maybe I’m just overthinking it, as I’m prone to do…

In any event, I have nothing but the highest admiration for Bill George’s talent and dedication to his fannish obsessions; this is truly cool stuff. Give the site a look, and watch the video below. Oh, and keep your eyes open during the vid for glimpses of other fan-favorite machines from vintage sci-fi, including that creepy robot spider-thing from Jonny Quest, the ANSA Icarus spacecraft from Planet of the Apes (seen here in its upright launch configuration!), and Star Trek‘s Galileo

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Friday Evening Videos: “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around”

It’s a grey and gloomy day here in the SLC — by mid-afternoon, it felt in my office like it was past dinnertime already, because the light was so dim outside — but it’s not too terribly cold, a combination that always puts me in a strange, difficult-to-describe frame of mind.

As it happens, my trusty iPod often seems as if it’s capable of reading my mood and somehow proceeds to find exactly the right song for the moment. Here’s what it served up while I was out taking my daily constitutional today along South Temple, Salt Lake’s grand boulevard of Victorian mansions and towering oak trees:

I don’t have much to say about this one. I have no particular memories associated with it, aside from being introduced to the song in the back bedroom of my grandma’s house by my cousin Stacey. Despite being a year younger than me, Stacey always seemed to be slightly farther along the arc of musical sophistication, and I recall her introducing me to quite a few songs and artists at that crucial moment when you’re beginning to take an interest in adult things, but still haven’t quite reached puberty… that moment in which, in my experience, so much of our tastes are truly formed. As far as I can recall, I’ve always liked this song. And I really like looking at Stevie Nicks circa 1981, but I suppose that goes without saying.

Anyway, for whatever reason, this turned out to be the perfect tune for a comfortably chilly afternoon with an iron-gray sky overhead and wet, faded-gold leaves whipping around my ankles as I walked and remembered things that once made me sad but recently seem to have lost some of their power over me…

And on that note, I’m calling it a week.

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Friday Evening Videos: “Patience”

Confession time: I’ve never especially liked Guns N’ Roses.

This may strike some Loyal Readers as strange, given my well-known affection for the hard-rock bands of the mid to late ’80s, the so-called “hair metal” guys. (I prefer the term “pop metal,” incidentally.) But G N’ R didn’t really fall into that category, did they? Their sound was louder and more anarchic than their contemporaries, closer in spirit to late ’70s punk than anybody like Def Leppard or Bon Jovi — which is, of course, what their fans and the critics thought was so great about G N’ R. But then I’ve never liked punk either. I enjoy a little melody with my crunchy guitars, please. Then there was the band’s image… oh, boy. Even at 19, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at lead guitarist Slash hiding behind that mop of hair and that dippy top hat, and lead singer Axl Rose is precisely the sort of scrawny little smart-ass who somehow manages to enrage me simply by breathing. He puts off the same vibe (to me) as Adam Sandler, another smirky, beady-eyed little twerp I’d love to sock right in the nose. You just know these guys used to be the kid back in school who’d fart in his hand and then hold it over your face — the dread buttercup technique, the name of which, I suspect, is one of the reasons why I’ve never warmed much to The Princess Bride and its unfortunately named heroine — and then somehow you would be the one to get in trouble for disrupting the class.

I do like a number of individual G N’ R songs, though, or at least I like them at first. That is, they start off great. But inevitably, somewhere just after the second verse, the drummer starts ramping up the pace and Slash takes off down some self-indulgent back alley, and the whole thing runs off the rails in a nerve-scraping crescendo that I rarely manage to tolerate all the way to the end. “Sweet Child o’ Mine,” possibly the band’s best-known hit, is a perfect example. The first two-thirds are a near-perfect rock tune. Then it just gets obnoxious. And this is enough of a pattern with the band’s output that it keeps me from ever really saying that I like them.

But Guns N’ Roses did record one song that I like without reservation, and it’s a song that’s been on my mind a lot this week, what with my anxiety leading into the election, followed by the apocalyptic post-election laments of the heartbroken Republicans and all the tiresome back-and-forth about what exactly happened that night and what it all means. I’ve also been thinking of the troubles a couple of my friends are going through at the moment, and of course there’s my own eternally fragile state of mind and my weariness with all the worn-out bullshit of life. And throughout this past week, when all this stuff has reached a critical mass and I’ve felt like I’m at my lowest, most exhausted point, this song has flickered through my mind… and weirdly enough, the thought of it has kind of helped. And maybe it can help some of the people reading this, too, the ones with the problems and the ones who are afraid and unhappy, and the ones who, like me, are just plain tired. It is truly a song — and a sentiment — for our moment.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you “Patience,” from the 1989 album G N’ R Lies:

And on the note, I bid you all a pleasant weekend…

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Just for Fun…

…I tracked down and scanned a photo of my favorite-ever Halloween costume I mentioned in the previous entry:

Halloween, 1979.

This was taken at my old elementary school during the student costume parade (do they even do that anymore?) in October 1979. I was in fifth grade, 10 years old, and this would be the last year I went trick-or-treating… the last full-blown costume I wore until I became an adult and started going to costume parties and rediscovered the joy of dressing up and role-playing. It was the best costume ever.

I also posted up some more fun vintage stuff tonight at my Flickr photostream. If you’re curious…

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