In case you haven’t heard, it seems the world is supposed to end tomorrow, or rather begin to end as all the faithful born-again Christians get Raptured off to their eternal reward while the unrepentant sinners have to endure five months of torment until the earth finally explodes. Or something like that. Given that I’m largely indifferent to religion, I’m kind of hazy on the details. But I do know that an 89-year-old evangelical radio personality named Harold Camping has calculated through some arcane Bible-based numerological formula that the End of Days starts tomorrow, May 21, 2011, right around suppertime. Of course, this is the same guy who predicted the Rapture would happen back in September of 1994. And then again in 1995. But for some reason, despite the rather glaring lack of Armageddons over the past couple of decades, people keep listening to this con artist, so there’s been all kinds of buzz this week about what’s going to happen — or not happen — on Saturday.
Personally, I’m planning to cut my lawn and pull a few weeds, then in the evening perhaps visit friends, go see Pirates 4, or just sit home and watch all those season finales The Girlfriend has DVR’d. That’s because I am reasonably certain that if this mass teleportation thing happens, I’m not too likely to be among the saved. After all, I was once told by a Canadian college professor that I was one of the two most blasphemous bastards he’d ever met. (Now there‘s a good story…)
I think it goes without saying that things are going to be very different if the Rapture does occur. Fortunately, we left-behind Gen-Xers will know exactly how to behave in the terrible, new post-Rapture world. We were briefed on what it would be like nearly three decades ago by all those nihilistic music videos that borrowed their wardrobes and set trappings from The Road Warrior. This could be our moment to shine, kids! Dig out your punk-rock leathers and old football shoulder pads, and get ready to face the collapse of civilization! Our tribe will need to stay socially organized, though, and I think you’ll agree we can best accomplish that through a shared anthem. I have the perfect one in mind, a song by Blue Oyster Cult — yes, those guys who did “Don’t Fear the Reaper” — that probably no one remembers except me, but trust me, it really is perfect for what we’re facing come Sunday morning… ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present “Dancin’ in the Ruins” from the Club Ninja album (long out of print, naturally):
If that doesn’t work for you, how about a little Tom Petty? Here’s another post-apocalyptic wonderland presented in the song “You Got Lucky.” The irony for we damned types is purely intentional, of course:
Tom Petty – You Got Lucky from RescueTech LA on Vimeo.
Man, if you’re any kind of sci-fi geek, you gotta love that one… there’re the obvious riffs on the Mad Max films, of course — the motorcycle, the weird outfits, the general “lost civilization” feel — but we also get Vasquez Rocks, a distinctive formation not far from Los Angeles that has appeared in countless films and television shows, most notably the original Star Trek TV series. Then there’s the weird purple sky rushing overhead at unnatural speed, no doubt inspired by similar effects in the George Peppard/Jan Michael Vincent flick Damnation Alley. The video clip that Petty watches of LA being destroyed by alien spacecraft comes from Galactica 1980, the utterly indefensible sequel series to my beloved original Battlestar. And lastly, I’m not 100-percent certain, but I’m thinking the vehicle Petty drives up in is a maze-car from the old Logan’s Run TV series. Anyone able to verify that? Or tell me where I can loot one after The End comes?
On a more serious note: I’ve been having some fun with this Rapture thing, but the fact is, a not-insignificant number of people really believe this nonsense. They’re preparing for it, worrying about it, and counting on it. In extreme cases, they’ve stopped paying bills, given away possessions, and even broken off relationships. While I don’t for a moment believe people are going to start vanishing tomorrow, the Rapture is a very real phenomenon in the sense that it’s having a real effect on human lives. And I can’t help but wonder what’s going to happen to those believers come Sunday morning when they realize that nothing happened. Will they lose their faith? Will they beat themselves up thinking they failed somehow, that they weren’t worthy of being Raptured, or of bringing it about? Will they just assume that Camping got his sums wrong again, as he’s done at least twice before? And how will they react to these realizations? Will some people commit suicide? Or fall into serious depressions? At the very least, are they going to end up feeling completely and utterly humiliated by the whole deal? Those feelings can be devastating, too.
Look, it’s not my place to disparage anyone else’s religious beliefs — gently mock them perhaps, but not outright piss on them — because I figure what someone believes is their business, not mine, and as long as it doesn’t interfere with my life, then why should I care? But when it comes to something like this, a belief that very well can and probably will result in genuine harm to people… well, it pisses me off that there are folks like Camping out there scaring the gullible, whipping up emotions and then acting like they’ve done nothing wrong when those emotions get dashed. He may not be making any money off this, but he is a sort of con artist. And he and everybody like him needs to just shut up. Before someone really does get hurt…
