Memo to James Dyson

You know James Dyson, the British guy who was so concerned about standard vacuums “losing suction” that he invented his own super-high-tech model with no bags or filters, which creates a hurricane-force vortex inside a stylish yellow chassis by tapping the hellish power of a tiny black hole? Well, okay, his vacuums aren’t really powered by black holes — damn it all, that would be cool! — but you know the guy, right? It seems that Jaquandor isn’t impressed with his latest venture, a bladeless room fan that costs $300:

Seriously, if he’s that big a techno genius, he needs to use his abilities for stuff that’s actually, you know, important. … This guy is like a supergenius with OCD who has decided to use his abilities to rid the world of all of his personal little pet peeves rather than advancing our world toward its ultimate goal of unlimited energy, flying cars and jetpacks, spaceships coming and going all over the place to our colonies throughout the solar system, and a Super Mario game that doesn’t make me feel stupid. We don’t need bladeless fans! Ye Gods, man! Let go of your anal retention and use your powers for good!

I myself have no ill will toward Mr. Dyson, even though I think anyone who’s willing to lay out 300 clams for a fan obviously makes too much money, but I can’t help but admire any rant that builds toward the expression “Ye Gods.” Oh, and the stuff about flying cars and spaceships to the colony worlds is good, too…

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5 comments on “Memo to James Dyson

  1. chenopup

    If you build it, they will come.
    He built it and now he’s gazillionaire. He must be doing something right. 🙂

  2. Derek

    Hey, maybe Mr. Dyson could work on the BP oil gusher.

  3. jason

    Couldn’t hurt, Derek… maybe he can put one of those black-hole vacuums to work sucking up the oil.

  4. Brian Greenberg

    I cilcked over to the site, and was more intruiged by the hand washer (http://www.dyson.com/technology/airblade.asp). It claims to be hygenic, because it cleans 99.9% of the bacteria from the air before using it to dry your hands. But when you’re done drying them, aren’t they right back in the same washroom air that the machine was just cleaning?
    As long as we’re writing a memo to Mr. Dyson, I’d really like to know how he can gloss over that part…

  5. jason

    Well, I don’t know about the bacteria issue, but I can attest that the Dyson Airblade does a bang-up job of drying your hands. The movie theater Anne and I go to regularly has them, and they do a much better and faster job than the usual “rub your hands vigorously for five straight minutes and still walk out feeling damp” variety.