The following sentence, gleaned from the endless flood of material that’s been flowing through my inbox the last couple of days, is perhaps the most fabulously inane bit of copy I’ve ever encountered:
[The device] will make a successful sound when successfully entering data into a field, and will make an unsuccessful sound when the scan does not successfully enter data into a field.
What the hell is a “successful sound,” anyhow? Is it one that owns a big house on the east side and a summer cabin up in the Uintas? One that skis in Vail every other weekend, and drives a black Escalade that never seems to have mud-splashes on the rear quarters?
What does a successful sound actually, you know, sound like? Is it like a bell? A chime? A bird tweet? The contented sigh of a bikini-clad teenage girl sunning herself on a hot summer day? For that matter, what does an “unsuccessful sound” sound like? The first thing that comes to my mind is the truncated raspberry sound at the end of the opening credits for Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Which tells you an uncomfortable lot about my mind, probably.
Lest you think I’ve pulled this sentence out of context for comic effect, let me assure you that this is the only line in the entire document that addresses these rival sounds. There is no further description — or even mention! — of them.
I think I’m done at the office for today. I’m blowing this pop stand and heading for home… ibuprofen and whiskey await.
The lack of parallelism is frustrating, too. The device . . . entering data . . . the scan . . . enter data. Who’s doing what, now?
To answer this question, I turn to the (only) thing I learned about Transcendentalism:
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Hence, we conclude, that a “successful sound” is one that gets heard by someone. An unsuccessful sound just travels through space and time, unheard by anyone, remaining sad and lonely for all eternity…
OK, I gotta stop reading Douglas Adams….
Robert, I probably caused some of the confusion there… my addition should have read “[The scanning device].” Which doesn’t help a lot, but maybe some.
Brian, it sounds like Adams is definitely getting to you. I recommend kicking back this weekend with a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster or three and unwinding… maybe throw some Disaster Area on the stereo…
The successful sound should be like a bling-a-ding… followed by a nice Fender riff.