I started thinking a couple weeks ago about what, if anything, I wanted to write here on the blog regarding my 40th birthday (which was Tuesday, in case anyone is compiling a dossier). I’ve tried not to be a drag about it, but if you’ve been paying attention, you’ve probably picked up on the fact that I’m not too happy about reaching this particular milestone. My reasons are pretty unremarkable, even cliche’d, mid-life crisis stuff, which means they’re probably utterly pathetic and boring to anyone who isn’t me. So I won’t bother to elaborate on them, beyond simply saying that I’ve been struggling for a while with a nagging sense that I’ve wasted a lot of time, energy, and money on unimportant crap instead of forging the life I used to think would somehow just happen. I realize that nobody’s life turns out the way you imagine it will when you’re a child or a teenager or even a college student, but it seems like a lot of folks at least end up in the right ballpark, even if they’re not actually pitching the game. I don’t feel like I have, and I know I’ve got no one to blame but myself. And that’s not an easy thing to admit or accept. Even worse, I’m afraid I may have missed the window of opportunity, passed my peak without even realizing it had arrived, and now a lot of what I’ve always wanted simply isn’t going to be possible.
But I said I wasn’t going to bore you all with that stuff, and honestly, I’m not nearly as concerned with it now, two days after the calendar page turned over, as I was earlier in the summer. My depression and angst seemed to peak last week sometime, and I was actually in a pretty good mood on my birthday itself. For this, I thank my friends and loved ones, who all realized I was having a hard time and did their very best to cheer me up. My coworker friend Diane surprised me with brownies and some nifty Bettie Page collectibles on Monday. My former coworker friend Amber surprised me with an Amazon gift card. Then there was the flood of good wishes from my various acquaintances on Facebook (I’ve been somewhat dubious of the sincerity of social networking “friendship,” but I have to admit that each wall posting from old coworkers and classmates gave me a genuine boost). Anne, my lovely Girlfriend, was wonderful, of course, as were my parents. Anne’s and my friends Dave and Sarah brought me a delicious homemade cheesecake.
And then there was the “present” I received from my old buddy Cheno. I don’t know how funny this will be to anyone who doesn’t know “The Dudes” — i.e., the guys I worked with at the multiplex way back in the day, who are still somehow, improbably, my friends — but it cracked me up:
In case you don’t know what I look like, I’m the dashing bearded guy in the middle…
Happy (belated) Birthday!
Cheno and I discussed doing something for your birthday but we received info that you didn’t want more attention surrounding the day. Maybe we can all do lunch or dinner and not talk about our age.
BTW- I have had some of the same thoughts that you have had regarding the big 40. It’s a funny thing to see how we view ourselves and our accomplishments. Regardless of what you think about yourself you have tuned out to be a good friend and none of that other stuff such as career, money, social status etc. counts with friendship.
Long live the dudes!
Hey, Cord, thanks for the birthday wishes.
Anne told me Cheno had contacted her about a party, and that she told him I wasn’t in the mood. Sorry to be a killjoy. Like I said, I’ve been having a difficult time with this one.
We need to get together soon. It’s been a long time…
We do owe you a dudes lunch or dinner, something a bit more formal than hot dogs 🙂 –
Ditto what Cord said too. Those who measure anything by career, money, social status, etc. probably have little in the way of lifelong family or friends.
Hilarious.
Happy Belated Birthday.
Ouch: I only rank as “former coworker,” not “friend.” I’m going out to the garden to eat some worms now. >;) You do realize that Dave C. is also a former coworker, yes?
But seriously, I could have written that first paragraph myself–all except the last part. I refuse to believe it’s too late for anything. I have resolved to make this year the year I work toward some of the things I used to think would just magically happen. Don’t stop believing. It’s important to be honest with yourself and take responsibility for your life, but it’s also important to believe in yourself and to believe in your dreams. If you don’t, well… I’m not really sure what the point is of being here.
On another note, I don’t really get “career, money, social status” out of what you are saying. It’s more just about doing the things you always dreamed of doing–which are inevitably a world away from the daily 9-to-5 grind. Friends and family are so very important, but they can’t scratch that particular itch.
Konstantin: Thanks!
Amber:
Ouch: I only rank as “former coworker,” not “friend.”
Doh! Can we chalk this gaffe up to me being sick for several days, filled with decongestants, and writing way too late after working all day on a much longer and more self-pitying entry that was deleted in favor of this ten-minute quickie? I’ve made a public correction, for whatever that’s worth…
As for the rest, thanks. You’re right about all of it, of course, including the “career, money, social status” vs. what I’ve long dreamed of doing. I’m far more upset that I haven’t written that novel yet or traveled nearly enough than I am about not being wealthy or living in a particular neighborhood. I think Cheno and Cord were just thinking in terms of our society’s quote-unquote “normal” markers of accomplishment. Not that I’ve achieved many of those either.
Like I said, just the usual midlife crisis-y stuff. For what it’s worth, I am feeling better with a few days distance, and another Rick Springfield concert under my belt. 😉
Happy Birthday! This would have come a week earlier had Cord and I not been so busy in the last week. LOVE the JibJab clip. Cheno did a good job. I laughed so hard. I could watch that over and over.
Hey, thanks, Tiff! No worries on being a few days late. As it turned out, I was sick most of last week and not spending much time online, so I might not have spotted it until now anyhow! 🙂
It is a pretty funny video. I liked it enough I actually shelled out five bucks to buy a download.
Pretend I am 362 days early for your 41st: Happy Birthday!
Nice pecs!
Hey, thanks, Ilya!