Monthly Archives: May 2009

Which Famous Adventurer Am I?

I haven’t done a silly Internet quiz in a while, so I happily followed Michael May‘s example with this one. The questions were leading — if you’re into adventure stories at all, you’ll easily guess which character each question is describing — but it killed five minutes and I’m pleased with the results:

Which Adventurer Are You?Quiz brought to you by
Tripbase – Vacation Ideas

If you’ve never read King Solomon’s Mines, run to the library or click over to Amazon straightaway. It’s a great tale, even if it is an obvious product of its times (i.e., it’s Victorian, and that includes Victorian attitudes toward race and gender), and Quatermain is an obvious inspiration for the quintessential adventurer of modern pop culture, Indiana Jones, if that piques your interest at all. There have been two film versions that I’m familiar with, the 1950 version with Deborah Kerr and Stewart Granger (which is pretty fun), and the 1985 version with Richard Chamberlain and a young Sharon Stone (this one can be a certain kind fun if you’re into bad movies, but be warned before you press “play” that it can’t be described as “good” in any of the usual ways). And of course Sean Connery played Quatermain in the execrable film League of Extraordinary Gentlemen; he was the only good thing about that pile of steaming camel dung…

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Something I Learned Over the Weekend

The Girlfriend has acquired the mildly annoying habit of stuffing straw wrappers, napkins, crumpled-up receipts, and other little bits of paper detritus into the cup holders of my beloved Mustang. It’s not that big a deal, and I suppose it’s really my own fault because I’ve always resisted hanging a trash bag from the gear shift like most people do. But still, neither of us ever seems to remember to remove this crap immediately when we get home, so it tends to build up and make my car look kinda white-trashy. And it reduces the functionality of the cup holder, too, since cups don’t sit evenly on an uneven wad of junk. They tend to tip and tilt, and if they’re full, they’ll spill a little, which makes the cup holder and the debris layer sticky, and, well… it’s just not an optimal situation, as my friend Jack would say.

So I was delighted yesterday to discover that this trash problem takes care of itself if you accelerate to 60 mph with the top down on a brilliant sunny evening. It’s unclear whether it’s strictly necessary to have Foghat’s “Slow Ride” booming from the stereo in order to actuate the de-trashification process, but I recommend it anyhow because it’s a totally bitchin’ song.

(Incidentally, I realize I never reported on how the repairs to my car came out… there was a bit of heartburn because the body shop used a “pre-owned” door to replace my damaged one after promising to use a new one, but they did a really nice job of matching the paint and I doubt if 98% of people looking at the car could tell anything had ever happened. Still bugs me that the accident happened at all, but I guess it turned out all right.)

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Movie Review: Star Trek

Kirk and Spock 2.0

I’ve now seen the new Star Trek movie a couple of times, and, for what it’s worth, my opinion remains virtually unchanged from the brief comment I made the other day.

Here’s the short and spoiler-free version: J.J. Abrams’ update of the venerable sci-fi franchise is a fun and exciting summer popcorn flick that frankly surprised me (I didn’t expect to like it at all, let alone as much as I admittedly did). However, it’s also a movie with a lot of problems, both from a film-making and screenwriting perspective, and also in terms of how well it succeeds at being, well, Star Trek.

For the spoilerized and sure-to-be-incredibly-nerdy longer version, voyage below the fold…

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In Memoriam: Dom DeLuise

Dom DeLuise in History of the World, Part 1

It’s probably very bad form to mention this under these circumstances, but I have to be honest: it’s been years since I thought Dom DeLuise — who passed away last week at the age of 75 — was funny. I used to, a long time ago. But somewhere along the line, I guess I just sort of got tired of his brand of bumbling silliness. Probably around the time he was making all those tedious and painfully self-indulgent movies with Burt Reynolds and Hal Needham. Just thinking about his “Captain Chaos” character in The Cannonball Run is enough to make wince. Ugh.

But as I said, there was a time when I thought he was very funny indeed, and that was in the early ’80s when he was one of the few comedic actors who could actually make my dad laugh. Dad’s always been a tough nut to crack when it comes to comedy; it’s not that he has no sense of humor at all, it’s just very, very hard to push his humor buttons. The one thing that seems capable of doing it with any consistency is a good fart joke. A good fart joke — and good ones are surprisingly rare, actually — can reduce my father to helpless, tearful gasping on the floor.

Dom DeLuise gets off a good fart joke — as well as a belch joke and a number of other gags based on general slovenliness — in Mel Brooks’ History of the World, Part I, where he played a flatulent, venal, gluttonous, horny, petulant, and incredibly bored Roman Emperor. I knew it was a good joke because Dad insisted on rewinding the film — this wasn’t too long after we discovered the wonders of home video — about a dozen times, until he was, as I described, helpless and gasping on the living room floor with tears rolling down his cheeks. I suspect we probably wore out that particular groove of the RCA videodisc we’d rented from Sharon’s TV and Appliance down the street. Mom and I had stopped laughing on about the fifth viewing, but Dad was having so much fun it seemed churlish to tell him to let the damn thing resume playing.

Looking around the ‘net, I’ve seen many stories about what a nice guy Dom was, and I’m pleased to hear that. He was apparently loved by everyone who was fortunate enough to meet him, and you can’t ask much more of a life than that. Even though I personally outgrew his schtick, I always liked him, and I cherish the memory he gave me of my dad, clicking that rewind button over and over and over, and laughing just as uproariously at Dom breaking wind and scratching himself with the imperial scepter every single time. Thanks for that, Dom…

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Amazing What Regular Folks Can Do These Days…

Here’s a nifty little video I spotted over at RetroThing:

As the source blog notes:

We live in miraculous times. When Star Trek was on the air, creating the transporter effect was time consuming and expensive. These days on YouTube a guy not only beams himself into some classic Trek footage, he brings along his Theremin and does a really nice rendition of the classic theme.

I’m sure my loyal readers are wondering, so yes, I have seen the J.J. Abrams reboot movie that opened this weekend. I’m still thinking about my reaction to it. I can say that I generally enjoyed it more than I expected to, but there are many aspects of it I have problems with, not least of which is why it had to be done at all. But then, I am something of a curmudgeon on these matters. Casual fans, non-Trekkies, and The Damn Kids are going to like it just fine, I suspect. More on this subject at another time…

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A Little Note on Courage

I mentioned in the previous entry that I don’t think modern Americans have the same self-image of nobility that previous generations did. According to David Kurtz over at Talking Points Memo, we don’t have as much courage, either. Here are some numbers for you to consider the next time you see one of those over-the-top political attack ads trying to convince you there is no alternative to maintaining our own American gulag at Guantanamo:

Number of Gitmo detainees that the GOP hopes to keep off mainland U.S. soil with its “Keep Terrorists Out Of America Act”: roughly 250.

 

Number of Axis POWs detained in camps on the U.S. mainland at the end of WWII: roughly 425,000.

Axis POWs. That would be Nazi and Japanese soldiers captured abroad and shipped here, to our soil, to sit out the war inside American borders. Well-trained, fully indoctrinated fascists who would’ve loved to slit American throats for their Fuhrer and their Emperor. And yet we managed to keep them locked up, didn’t we?

I’ve got a prison only a couple miles from my house, and I’m sure it’s full of serial killers, gangsters, rapists, murderers, white supremacists, and paranoid militia types, but I’ve never lost one wink of sleep because of it. So why is the thought of 250 suspected terrorists — suspected, mind you, still not proven in many cases — locked down inside a mainland military prison or even a civilian Supermax facility so scary? We’ve already got terrorists locked up in our mainland prisons. The Blind Shiek and Timothy McVeigh come immediately to mind. (Okay, McVeigh is dead, but you see my point.)

Al Qaeda is not composed of immortal, superpowered, super-intelligent boogeymen, and behaving as if it is only gives them power over us. I, for one, am sick of being scared, or, more accurately, of politicians and talk-radio personalities telling me I ought to be. Gitmo is a PR disaster and must be closed if America is to regain the moral high ground in our struggles. If you’re that worried about the Gitmo detainees causing trouble, just turn them out with the regular prison population. I’m sure all those gangsters and militia types I mentioned earlier will be happy to keep an eye on them for us…

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The Whole Point of Civilization

Of all the objectionable things that emerged from the presidency of George W. Bush — and it’s a long list, in my opinion — nothing has troubled me more than the issue of torture.

I’m troubled by the fact that it happened at all, of course, that our military and civilian intelligence people drowned and abused and tormented prisoners until (in some cases) they literally lost their minds. But what really disturbs me about this whole thing is how few of my fellow Americans seem to care.

Even now, when it has become blindingly apparent that the torturers were not soldiers who lost control in the heat of battle but were actually acting on orders from the White House itself, when it’s been revealed that the White House had a cadre of lawyers — including, I’m sad to say, a number of guys with connections to my home state — writing memos and briefs to justify decisions the administration knew were legally questionable, even after all that, there are still people who would defend the Bush “interrogation” policies. The news media still can’t bring itself to use the word “torture” on any kind of regular basis, preferring instead Orwellian weasel words that were coined by the freaking Nazis. And many pundits are brazenly parsing whether certain techniques constitute actual torture or merely “harsh treatment.” (Here’s a clue: if we would call it torture when it’s done to one of our people, then it’s freakin’ torture, people!) Hell, some people are trying dodge the legal and moral questions altogether and debate only whether waterboarding actually works, as if efficacy is the only consideration when it comes to this stuff.

You know what, though? It doesn’t matter if it works, not in my book. Because it’s wrong. Because we’re supposed to be better people than those who would destroy us. We used to believe we were. But that appears to have changed in recent years.

I like to think — to hope — that this apparent shift is due merely to ignorance, that people simply don’t realize the techniques used in Abu Ghraib and CIA “black sites” were effectively ripped off from the Soviets and the communist Chinese. (I don’t know about you, but I find it immensely unsettling to think our people have done the same things we used to condemn the KGB for.) But honestly, I’m not so sure. In my more cynical moments, I find myself thinking, sadly, that a lot of people out there are perfectly okay with subjecting other people to horrendous inhumanities because they think torturing people somehow avenges 9/11, or because they’re racist, or maybe because they’d rather feel “safe” than accept the risk and effort of living up to our nation’s ideals. Well, maybe those people do feel safer knowing that we’re beating the hell out of people with Arabic-sounding names. Not me, though. Because I worry about what it does to us, to our very souls.

Kevin Drum said essentially the same thing last week, and his words have been echoing in my mind ever since:

 

I don’t care about the Geneva Conventions or U.S. law. I don’t care about the difference between torture and “harsh treatment.” I don’t care about the difference between uniformed combatants and terrorists. I don’t care whether it “works.” I oppose torture regardless of the current state of the law; I oppose even moderate abuse of helpless detainees; I oppose abuse of criminal suspects and religious heretics as much as I oppose it during wartime; and I oppose it even if it produces useful information.

 

The whole point of civilization is as much moral advancement as it is physical and technological advancement. But that moral progress comes slowly and very, very tenuously. In the United States alone, it took centuries to decide that slavery was evil, that children shouldn’t be allowed to work 12-hour days on power looms, and that police shouldn’t be allowed to beat confessions out of suspects.

 

On other things there’s no consensus yet. Like it or not, we still make war, and so does the rest of the world. But at least until recently, there was a consensus that torture is wrong. Full stop. It was the practice of tyrants and barbarians. But like all moral progress, the consensus on torture is tenuous, and the only way to hold on to it — the only way to expand it — is by insisting absolutely and without exception that we not allow ourselves to backslide. Human nature being what it is — savage, vengeful, and tribal — the temptations are just too great. Small exceptions will inevitably grow into big ones, big ones into routine ones, and the progress of centuries is undone in an eyeblink.

The eye is in the midst of blinking, people. What will we see when the lid rises again?

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If You’ll Just Get on Board…

My friend Karen points us today to a strange little website based on the following premise: “If we started a movie on the day you were born, and stretched it over your lifespan, this is where you’d be in that movie.”

You enter your birthdate and how long you expect to live, select your favorite movie from a list of well-known options, and the site will show you which scene in the film corresponds to the current moment of your life. My three loyal readers can, of course, guess which film I chose… it seems I’m right at the point where Han Solo is ushering his nervous passengers toward their ticket off Tatooine.

On the positive side, the really fun part of the movie is still ahead. Hopefully that says something about my life…

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A Couple of Hollywood Auctions

Via Evanier, I see that the final bits and pieces of the late Forrest J. Ackerman’s collection of movie memorabilia have gone under the auctioneer’s gavel. I’ve written before about Forry’s legendary collection, how it was reputed to be the world’s largest and how he would generously show it off to anyone who came calling on a Saturday afternoon, how plans to base a museum around it never seemed to come together and how in recent years he was forced to sell off the bulk of it to pay for his mounting medical expenses. I understand that the items that remained were his most cherished ones, the ones he couldn’t part with while he was alive, including Bela Lugosi’s Dracula ring, which Ackerman personally wore every day, and a replica of the Robotrix — a clear ancestor of C-3PO — from the silent classic Metropolis.

This news makes me deeply sad. To think that a man spends his entire life gathering around himself the things he loves only to have them scattered to the four winds upon his death… well, it all seems like rather an exercise in futility, doesn’t it? I suppose you could see it as these items returning to circulation now that Forry’s no longer using them, and hope that they’ve all gone to good homes with owners who love and appreciate them the way he did. Forry himself might have even wanted it that way. But I still have a problem wrapping my head around the way a person’s hobbies and interests just… evaporate. If your collection ends up being broken apart anyway, if the people you leave behind have no interest in saving it and loving it as you did, why collect it in the first place?

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