An acquaintance of mine told me a few days ago that he had no interest in watching the Academy Awards because it was always the same old thing. Or, as he more colorfully described it, “Guy in tux wins something, gives awkward speech; next actor and actress come up and awkwardly recite some boilerplate stuff before announcing next winner. Lather, rinse, repeat.” Another guy I know boycotted the show this year because the nominees “never reflect the tastes of real people.” (He was pissed that The Dark Knight wasn’t up for Best Picture. Little tip for the uninitiated: The Return of the King notwithstanding, science fiction, fantasy, superhero, and horror flicks have no chance of ever winning in the “major” categories. They’re just not taken seriously enough by enough people. I suspect the reason ROTK won was less a recognition of its quality than of the sheer massive effort that went into filming the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. And of course I’ll never forget or forgive tedious and unfunny Annie Hall beating Star Wars back in ’77. Grr.)

Personally, I like the Oscars, even in those years when I haven’t seen many of the nominated films. Actually, I think I might enjoy them a little more when I don’t have a horse in the race, so to speak, because then I’m not feeling competitive and I’m free to simply enjoy the self-indulgent spectacle. That doesn’t mean, of course, that I like every year’s show equally. Some years, they just don’t work very well…

I’m sure my regular readers won’t be at all surprised to learn that I have a lot of pleasantly nostalgic memories associated with the Oscars. I used to watch the awards telecast every year with my mom when I was a kid. This was before the airwaves were blanketed with “infotainment” shows, before the paparazzi had inundated us with endless photos of celebrities swilling frappacinos in their patched sweatpants and thrift-store parkas. Movie stars still had a mystique to them in the 1970s, and Oscar night was one of the few occasions when we mere mortals could see them being essentially themselves. Dad worked swing shifts for much of my childhood, and he never really cared about movies anyhow, so in my mind, it’s always just me and mom, sitting by a crackling fire, eating popcorn cooked in a proper popper — no microwave corn yet — and soaking in the glamorous final days of “old Hollywood,” when the personalities were larger than life and the fantasy of what actors and movie-making was all about hadn’t yet crumbled.

This year, I watched the Oscars by myself. My parents were off doing something, and The Girlfriend was at her parents’ house, indisposed with the latest round of a very long fight against some kind of super-virus she’s been battling for about six weeks now. I had no fire and no popcorn… but you know, it was almost like old times.

In other words, I really enjoyed what they did with the show this year. You see, the thing that made the biggest impression on me as a kid was the sense that the film industry was this small, tight-knit group of people who all knew and respected each other. It was like a cocktail party that we in the audience were privileged enough to have been invited to. This year’s show, with the stage extended right up to the first row of the audience and the low-hanging chandeliers, had that same feeling of intimacy I recall from the old broadcasts; the Kodak Theater felt more like a nightclub than a sprawling auditorium. The glittery proscenium was decidedly old-fashioned, a throwback to the ’40s, perhaps, the Golden Age of the studio system, and the celebrities on display mostly seemed to be from that earlier, more dignified time as well. Traditional tuxes and gowns everywhere, and no kooky swan dresses in sight.

I thought Hugh Jackman made a wonderful host — he was charming, funny, sexy, a well-rounded entertainer in the old-school song-and-dance-man mold, and he’s obviously well-liked by his peers. A major improvement over Jon Stewart, who seemed painfully aware of how out of place he was last year. Memo to the Academy: consider this an experiment proven. In future, let movie people host the movie awards. No more stand-ups who’ve gone past their prime or antagonistic television personalities with chips on their shoulders.

Not that anyone cares now, nearly a week after the fact, but here are a few other thoughts I had while watching:

• I didn’t really care for the new presentation technique for the acting awards, wherein five former winners came out and each directly addressed one of the nominees. It was a nice effort, an attempt I think to increase that intimacy factor I’ve been talking about, but it seemed very contrived and a little weird.
• As did pretty much all of the scripted presenter jokes. Jack Black’s remark about taking his DreamWorks pay and betting on Pixar films landed especially hard; not the best career management there, Jack. Ben Stiller’s riff on Joaquin Pheonix’s recent weirdness was funny for about ten seconds, then became tedious. And I didn’t like Judd Apatow’s short film, either, although the thought of Janusz Kaminski getting baked with Seth Rogan was kinda funny. Here’s an idea, Oscar producers: how about letting the presenters wing it once in a while? They’d probably be more coherent…
• WALL-E should’ve been up for Best Picture, just as Beauty and the Beast was way back in 1990. Proof that setting up a special ghetto for animated films was just plain dumb.
• Even so, I was glad WALL-E won in its category, and that it seemed to be receiving a lot of love throughout the night.
• Who actually sees the nominees for Best Animated Shorts? I’m not cracking wise here, I mean, how does one see them? Where do they play? And how does one find out about it? Because the only ones I ever hear about and/or manage to catch are the Pixar ones that precede Pixar features.
• The winner of the Best Animated Short was interesting: a film with a French title directed by a Japanese man. Globalization indeed. And he cracked me up with his reference to “Mr. Roboto.”
• I liked the concept of explaining how a movie is made via the various Oscar categories. The only problem was that the concept was dropped about halfway through the show. Why? It went away too soon, in my opinion. I mean, I’m a film buff and even I barely understand the distinction between “sound editing” and “sound mixing.” And by the way, what kind of travesty is it that Ben Burtt didn’t got a nod for his sound work on WALL-E? What, did they think the little trash compactor’s “voice” was too much like Artoo’s?
• When Benjamin Button won Best Art Direction over The Dark Knight, I swore I heard thousands of geeky voices cry out in anger. Sorry, guys, but this is one result I agree with. It’s a lot harder to take us through most of a century in a single film than to create a loosely fictionalized version of Chicago, and a lot more impressive when someone manages to pull it off.
• Best Make-Up was a bitch of a category this year, but I think I agree with those who’ve pointed out that many of winner Benjamin Button‘s effects were achieved — or at least heavily assisted — with CGI and so it’s not quite right that it won. I’d rather have seen Hellboy II, which used lots and lots of good old-fashioned latex and grease paint, take the statue. The Dark Knight‘s take on the classic Joker clown-face was horrifying and indelible, but ultimately not all that amazing; how many well-done teenage Jokers did you see at Halloween this year?
• Sorry, Twilight fans, but Robert Pattison is not gorgeous. He is, in fact, kinda funny looking. As are most of the current young male actors, come to think of it. What the hell is up with our standards of attractiveness these days anyhow? The only twentysomething actor I can think of who isn’t funny-looking is Shia LaBeouf.
• When Natalie Portman said “wizard cinematographers,” am I the only one who briefly thought that was some kind of reference to The Phantom Menace? “Wizard, Annie!”
• How is it possible that Marisa Tomei is getting even more adorable? Seriously, I’m finding those smile lines around her eyes extremely sexy…
• I didn’t understand a word Janusz Kaminski said during the Best Live Action Short Film presentation, but at least he didn’t mangle the title of the winning film. Way to go, James Franco!
• I’m not a fan of musicals by any stretch, but I thought Hugh Jackman and Beyonce’s production number was terrifically entertaining. Men in top hats and tails, women in cabaret outfits… wow. Now that’s how they did it in the good old days. I really should’ve learned to dance. (Incidentally, I didn’t catch Beyonce’s “wardrobe malfunction,” but if you’re curious about that sort of thing, our friend SamuraiFrog has the relevant still right here. Not that big a deal, really, although Beyonce is a very attractive young woman.)
• Kevin Kline is one of the few men around these days who can honestly be called “dashing.”
• For a black man, Cuba Gooding Jr. really sucks at jive-talkin’. Must be all those lousy family films he’s done.
• Heath Ledger’s win for Best Supporting Actor was no surprise, but I was nevertheless pleased. Still, the question will always linger: did he win because his performance in The Dark Knight was that wonderful (I think it was, for the record; certainly the best thing about that otherwise overrated movie), or out of sentiment because he died young? We’ll never know…
• I noticed Brad Pitt and Adrian Brody looking very teary-eyed as Heath’s family made their acceptance speeches. I wonder why… did they know him? Or are they just soft-hearted guys? Regardless, their sensitivity makes me like them more than I already did. I choked up myself, actually…
• Bill Maher’s self-promotional jokes during his presentation of Best Documentary fell flat, didn’t they? Honestly, Bill… I’ve liked a lot of your work and agree with many of your ideas, but you came across as extremely whiny because your Religulous didn’t get nominated. Haven’t seen it, maybe it was a huge injustice that it was ignored, but still, show a little more dignity, will you?
• Liam Neeson is effortlessly cool, and Indian woman are effortlessly hot. Interesting, no?
• I always enjoy the “in memoriam” montages, and I thought having Latifah sing live accompaniment to this year’s instead of using a pre-recorded track was a nice touch, but the camera work — the constant zooming in and out, cutting from one TV monitor hanging over the Kodak stage to another, was ridiculous. Even on my large HDTV, I couldn’t see a lot of the montage. The multiple montiors were probably cool for people in the audience, but they sucked bigtime for the home viewers…
• Sophia Loren is damn sexy for a woman who’s closing in on 80, but Shirley MacLaine’s facelift is way too tight. She looks like a mob hitman has just slipped a plastic drycleaning bag over her head and is beginning to pull…
• Re: Kate Winslet’s winning for The Reader, the Academy just can’t resist a movie that has the slightest connection to the Holocaust, can it? I did like her flustered but not babbling acceptance speech, though, and the moment when she asked her dad to whistle so she could locate him in the audience was one of those spontaneous, lovable events that we Oscar-watchers thrive on.
• Only Robert DeNiro could get away with reminding Sean Penn of Fast Times at Ridgemont High! Incidentally, I haven’t seen The Wrestler yet but I can’t imagine Mickey Roarke’s performance was any better than Penn’s turn as Harvey Milk. He truly is a gifted chameleon.
• And finally, Best Picture… I thought it was really weird to mix clips of previous winners into the videos of the current nominees, although it was interesting that a scene from Milk was juxtaposed with one from Braveheart. That popping sound you may have heard at the moment was probably Mel Gibson’s head exploding.
  As for the winner, Slumdog Millionaire, again I haven’t seen it, but it was no surprise. We’re in tough economic times and the movie is a feel-good picture… of course the Academy was going to vote for it. The heavy stuff is most likely to win when people are happy. And Slumdog is about India, so the voters have the double rush of feeling all multicultural and inclusive as well.

And there we have it for another year. Sorry I was so late with this entry. I know everybody else on the InterWebs has already commented on the broadcast, but as usual, I’ve got to have my say.

With any luck, I’ll get to actually see one of the nominated films this weekend. I suggest you try and do the same…