It was a busy day in the Proofreader’s Cave, deep in the bowels of one of the glorious metropolitan skyscrapers in fabulous downtown Salt Lake. And not merely busy, but spiritually trying as well. Because, for some reason or other — evil spirits? Sunspots? Global warming? — there was a steady stream of extraordinarily ghastly material passing before my aching eyes today. It’s usually not so steadily awful. Most of the time, it’s adequate-to-good with only occasional clunkers to liven up the mix. Today, though… wow. It was all bad today. However, there’s awful and then there’s awful, and the following sentence stood out even against that vast, wine-dark sea of fetid effluvium:
[Acronym A], an enhancement to [Acronym B], allows [Company Y] to manage the performance of critical enterprise applications end-to-end globally and optimize the performance dynamically across any network according to user criticality and bandwidth allocation.
Got that? Yeah, neither did I, not until I’d read it three times. Which is not exactly the hallmark of what I’d call good writing. It burns the creative soul to have to read this stuff, let me tell you…
Incidentally, as long as we’re chatting, here’s a Jargon Alert for you: “value stack,” as in “both competitors are moving up the value stack into IT services.” That’s one I’m going to be trying to work into daily usage for sure.
And finally, the amusing error of the day: I requested that the word “synchronization” be changed to “synchronize.” Well, someone misunderstood my scribblings, so when I got the document in question back for final inspection, I saw that the word had become — are you ready for this? — “synchronizate.” That’s almost as good as the time in 9th grade geology class when my buddy Keith couldn’t think of the verb form of the word “revolution” — that would be “revolve,” of course — and came up with “revolute” instead.
Yeah… good times down there in the old Proofreaders Cave, good times…