Business writing is so painful sometimes…
Some see the emergence of UC&C as the catalyst for a sea change in long-established business organizational models, particularly as new methods of team productivity supplant conventional corporate hierarchies as potent mechanisms for wealth creation.
The first half of that sentence isn’t too bad, but everything from the comma forward… oy. It makes my heart hurt.
I’ve done an exercise in one of my classes recently, that let you choose 3 buzz words from a list of about 30 based on the area code(they were arranged in three columns). A combination a these three words could mean anything and nothing and be as business spiffy as you need them to be.
Hierarchical Technological Synergies.
Although anytime I hear the word Synergy from someone I tend to get violent (self smacking).
Yeah, “synergy” is bad. I also loathe “leverage” used as a verb. And of course in my example above, “conventional corporate hierarchies” and “wealth creation” are the ones that really make me reach for the Tylenol.
…reaching out across technology hierarchies to leverage operational synergies for the benefit of the customer…
I have yet to see an executive manager who will cringe upon hearing such a line in a presentation, as long as it is followed by:
…with forecast cost saves of $5M per annum…
Hey, the corporate world has its conventions. Using barely comprehensible language that sounds “lofty” is one of them.
Ugh, stop, please! You’re killing me!
(Actually, I know this sort of thing is, as you say, a matter of industry conventions, and that it’s quite possible somebody somewhere derives some value from these particular assemblies of words. But as someone who still likes to fancy himself a writer and a craftsman despite working a day job that places him in the thick of corporate jargon… well, as I’ve said before, this kind of thing just hurts. I cling to the idealistic notion that writing should be clear and accessible to anyone, regardless of whether they’re part of a given club or not; in that spirit, I defy anyone, even those in the corporate world, to give me a clear explanation of what “operational synergies” actually are.)
“Some see the emergence of UC&C as a new business model where new ways of working together are more profitable than the old ones.”
And yes, as Ilya says, quantified cost savings always win the day.
Also:
– “leverage” is a valid verb, as long as it means “to lift something.” Otherwise, it’s a nickel word where a penny would do…
– “operational synergies” = not wasting time.
Hey, this proofreading stuff is easy! (kidding…)
Well, technically, matters like these are more a related to copy editing and not proofreading (in the most conservative definition of my job, I’m only supposed to look for errors and ensure adherence to style, not comment on word choices and the like).
That said, I do understand corporate language, I just don’t like it much. As you say, nickel words when pennies will do. I tend to have a low threshold for pretension and/or jargon — it makes me feel like the writer is being condescending, or else trying to cover up a lack of anything to say by impressing us with his vocabulary. But then I’m a grump and a cynic…
Because I know I’m guilty of using “nickel” words even in everyday speech, here’s my excuse: I subscribe to the theory of having to use words in order to own them; and the range of my vocabulary is important to me because English is not my first language.
I hope I never go too far, Jason 🙂
If you ever go too far, Ilya, rest assured I will tell you! 😉
I think there’s a difference between having a sophisticated vocabulary and not being afraid to use it, and being jargony or willfully opaque, as so much business and technical writing is. It’s one of those things you just sort of know when you encounter it, at least it is for me…