Monthly Archives: November 2008

I’ve Won a Major Prize!

This is an unexpected pleasure: Jaquandor, who recently re-entered the blogging fray after a few months off, has bestowed upon me the “I Love This Blog” award:

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He calls Simple Tricks “a terrific geek blog” and says that yours truly “writes a lot of well-considered opinion on topics wide and sundry.”

In all sincerity, thanks, man. I’m honored to think that my silly little rantings here provide someone I don’t even really know with some entertainment value and/or food for thought. One thing I find interesting, though: I don’t really think of this as a “geek blog.” I just write about whatever happens to be on my mind when I find the time to write. Which I suppose says quite a bit about me, doesn’t it? Oh, well… we should all accept who we are, I guess.

Anyway, this prize comes with certain obligations:

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Narcissism, Thy Name is Thom

I’m probably going to lose about a thousand coolness points for admitting this, but there was a time, many years ago, when I actually liked the work of — prepare your gasps of derision now — Thomas Kinkade.

Yes, that Thomas Kinkade, the self-proclaimed Painter of Light™ — he’s actually trademarked that phrase, you know — the guy whose brand of schmaltzy nostalgic paintings adorn everything from collectible plates (trust me, folks, those damn things won’t increase in value, no matter how long you hold onto them) to greeting cards, calendars, music boxes, and who-knows-what-else. The Thomas Kinkade whose shopping-mall retail outlets sell mass-produced copies of his paintings printed on canvas and then “texturized” by low-paid minions to make them resemble original oils. The guy who gets basically zero respect from art critics but nevertheless confounds the hell out of them by selling millions of dollars worth of stuff to adoring fans. The guy whose licensing division is so thoroughly dedicated to imprinting Kinkade’s name and gauzy fantasies onto anything salable that there are actual housing developments modeled after his work. Yeah, that Thomas Kinkade.

Now, before you shake your head and forsake me forever because of my appalling lack of taste, let me explain myself.

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More Trivia About Moi

Another meme courtesy of Jaquandor. I’m such a sucker for these things…

Anyhow, this meme apparently started its life as one of those “getting to know your friends” e-mail quizzes but has now morphed into something more bloggy. It comes in two parts, a “things you’ve done” list followed by some questions.

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You Can’t Expect Historical Accuracy from a Video Game, I Guess

The other night, I dined alone at a local greasy spoon called Johanna’s Kitchen before meeting a friend to see the new Bond movie. I don’t often get the chance to just hang out on my own like that anymore, so I relish the experience when it presents itself. I sat at the counter like I remember the old guys doing when I was a kid, I indulged in some fine people-watching, and I savored every last bite of a mushroom-Swiss burger the size of my head.

This being the 21st Century and all, there was of course a flat-screen TV mounted above the counter. Normally, I hate that, because public TVs are almost inevitably tuned to some sporting event, and I don’t care one bit about sports. In fact, I find the screaming crowds and over-excited announcers to be downright bad for my digestion. Thankfully (and unexpectedly), this TV was set to the History Channel, specifically a documentary about the Battle of Gettysburg, so I found myself enjoying occasional buzzes of recognition whenever the camera lingered on a place I recall from my Gettysburg trip earlier this year. I just love those moments when I’m able to point at a TV screen and exclaim, “Hey, I’ve been there!” But that’s kind of beside the point of this post.

Getting at last to my point, during each commercial break in the program, there was an ad for a Civil War-themed video game. (Gotta love that synergy!) The sound was down low, so the first time the ad ran, I wasn’t certain I’d heard the voiceover correctly. I paid closer attention on the next break, and sure enough, the narration said exactly what I thought it said the first time. While a computer-generated man in a blue wool coat and a forage cap runs around the screen carrying a musket, a deep, “movie-trailer-guy” type voice breathlessly proclaims, “These are the missions that flew under the radar!”
Does anyone notice anything… odd… about that particular metaphor being used in conjunction with a game set in the 1860s? Or is it just me? Think about it…

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Play It Nobly

I’m not sure of the original provenance of the following quote — I got it from SamuraiFrog, who didn’t post a link back to the source — but I thought it was worth passing along:

Gail Simon, current writer on Wonder Woman: “In general, I’m very skeptical of any fake irony when dealing with Wonder Woman. If we’re getting some kind of post-modern satire of the Lynda Carter series, I’d rather they just pass on the whole idea entirely. Christopher Reeve showed that the noble characters work best when played nobly. Winking at the audience insults everyone involved.”

For the record, I have no particular affection for the character Wonder Woman or the old Lynda Carter TV series (although Lynda Carter herself was — and still is — quite yummy). I just happen to agree with the sentiment being expressed. I dislike remakes in general, but I really hate the ones that treat the original source material as a joke…

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Forty-Six Years Through the Barrel of a Gun

To commemorate today’s release of the 22nd James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, allow me to present a nifty video clip I snagged from Jaquandor. It’s a compilation of the “gun barrel” openings from all the previous Bond movies, from 1962’s Dr. No to Casino Royale in 2006. Oddly, it even includes the “unofficial” Bond movie Never Say Never Again, which couldn’t use the gun-barrel thing due to legal issues (the history of NSNA is one long legal nightmare) but attempted something similar.

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Scalzi on Watching Movies in Theaters

Even with the increasingly astronomical ticket prices and all the ill-mannered half-wits who can’t unplug themselves from their text-messaging gadgets for 90 lousy minutes, I still maintain that the best place to see a movie is in an honest-to-god movie theater. Yes, I have an HDTV and a huge collection of DVDs (and let’s not forget those pathetic old VHS tapes!) and I watch movies at home all the time, but these are really just a pale substitute for what I consider to be the primal cinematic experience., i.e., watching a movie projected onto a screen while sitting in a dark room surrounded by many other fellow humans. And just why do I think that’s so cool?

Because when you’re watching a movie at home, even if you’ve got a few friends over, you can’t possibly replicate the shared electricity generated by several hundred people sitting on the edges of their seats during a chase scene, jumping in fear when the velociraptor attacks, tearing up when Yoda dies, or laughing in unison at the antics of Charlie Chaplin. Movies can be watched in solitude, of course, and that has its pleasures, too (remind me sometime to recount my first viewing of The Silence of the Lambs — all alone in a gradually cooling auditorium in the wee hours of the night), but my strongest, most satisfying movie experiences have always been communal. While movies don’t always generate a strong audience reaction (sadly, most of the time they do not), when they work their magic on a big crowd, and the crowd’s reaction mirrors and amplifies your own emotions… well, it can be a form of genuine transcendence.

That’s my theory, anyhow. The ubiquitous John Scalzi has another one that I think is interesting, too:

So what does the movie theater still offer viewers that you can’t get at home? I’m going to suggest something that I think is counterintuitive: It offers lack of control.

 

Take WALL-E … My family sat down to watch it the other night, but we came nowhere near close to watching it [un]interrupted all the way through. The phone rang and it was my wife’s mother on the phone; we paused it so she wouldn’t miss something. Then at some point we all decided a bathroom break was in order. Another pause. Later, snacktime. Pause.

Contrast this with how I saw WALL-E in the movie theater. Once the film started, it was out of my control: The story unfolded at the pace the filmmaker chose, and the story’s emotional beats came in a rhythm uninterrupted by my personal life and preferences. Short of walking out of the film entirely, I had to take it on its own terms — surrender my will to the story, as it were. As a result, the emotional highs of the story were higher, the funny parts funnier, and the wrenching parts (yes, there are wrenching parts in WALL-E) that much more affecting. In the theater, you are able to approach the movie as a complete work, and as complete experience in itself. How we know WALL-E or any other film is a really good film is by how it makes us feel — which is to say, how much the film sweeps us along and makes us a participant in its story.

 

Being able to pause and rewind and such is all very cool — they’re part of the reason people like to watch movies at home, and it’s especially fun with science fiction films, because thanks to special effects there’s usually something cool to stare at in the background. … But these features come at a cost: Each pause and skip degrades the actual viewing experience. Each pause and rewind draws you out of the story and makes you aware of the separation between you and what’s going on in the movie, and that keeps you from getting everything you can — or everything the filmmakers hope you can — get out of it. You’re never more aware that you watching a movie than when you’re watching it at home, because you have control over how it plays. The extra bits and the commentary tracks and everything else that comes with DVDs these days are all super cool, but they’re not really “extras”: They’re compensation for what you lose.

Sounds about right to me.

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Alphabet Movie Meme

I wasn’t tagged by SamuraiFrog to participate in the Alphabet Movie Meme, but you know me and memes…

Here are the rules:

1. Pick one film to represent each letter of the alphabet.

 

2. The letter “A” and the word “The” do not count as the beginning of a film’s title, unless the film is simply titled A or The, and I don’t know of any films with those titles.

 

3. Return of the Jedi belongs under “R,” not “S” as in Star Wars Episode IV: Return of the Jedi. This rule applies to all films in the original Star Wars trilogy; all that followed start with “S.” Similarly, Raiders of the Lost Ark belongs under “R,” not “I” as in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. Conversely, all films in the Lord of the Rings series belong under “L” and all films in the Chronicles of Narnia series belong under “C,” as that’s what those filmmakers called their films from the start. In other words, movies are stuck with the titles their owners gave them at the time of their theatrical release. Use your better judgement to apply the above rule to any series/films not mentioned.

 

4. Films that start with a number are filed under the first letter of their number’s word. 12 Monkeys would be filed under “T.”

 

5. Link back to Blog Cabins in your post so that I can eventually type “alphabet meme” into Google and come up #1, then make a post where I declare that I am the King of Google.

 

[Update: Doh! I forgot to link back to Blog Cabins as requested. If any of my taggees happen to amble by, I hope you’ll see this and modify your posts accordingly… Sorry, BC!]

 

6. If you’re selected, you have to then select 5 more people.

Okay, for the sake of this little exercise I am going to do my best to choose titles you may not expect from me, given my usual obsessions on this blog. Which means, no Star Wars and no Indiana Jones-related titles. I will, in fact, try to avoid the Lucas-Spielberg ouevre. Just for the sake of variety, of course…

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In My Duster, My Duster…

Here’s a quaint little something I’ve been meaning to post for a while. It’s a television commercial from 1985 that, as you will see at the beginning of the clip, originally aired during the very first MTV Awards show. I only vaguely recall the commercial — I think I must have seen a truncated version of it on regular network channels, but certainly not this long-form clip — and I don’t remember the car that’s being shilled at all. Which is weird because I usually have a pretty good memory for this sort of thing. (Have you ever noticed that the era of “classic” cars seemed to end with the ’70s? Seriously, aside from the DeLorean and a few high-end sportsters that no normal person could ever afford, are there any memorable cars from the ’80s?) Nevertheless, I just love this silly ad because it so wonderfully encapsulates the atmosphere of that moment in time, the heady combination of seedy glamour, escapism, fun-loving decadence, and cheese. Oh, and it’s got a catchy jingle, too; it’s only fair to warn you now, you’ll be humming this tune for days:

There is apparently an urban legend that this ad was shot in an operating cocaine factory, and that all the white stuff visible in the background and caked on the pipes and catwalks is the real deal, genuine Bolivian Marching Powder. I haven’t been able to find any solid evidence for or against this tale, but I tend to doubt it myself. Oh, there was probably plenty of blow floating around that set — some of those dancers are looking a little manic, and it was 1985, after all — but come on, an actual coke factory? Would it really be that messy, considering how expensive that stuff was (is)? That’s a little far-fetched, even by urban-legend standards. I’d imagine the owners of such a plant would be a very unhappy to see all their precious product scattered around the floor like that.

One final note: the pretty brunette singer in the poofy skirt is none other than Finola Hughes, one of the stars (at the time) of the daytime soap General Hospital. Later, she would appear in one of my favorite guilty pleasures, a low-budget flick called Aspen Extreme. (Usually described — and not inaccurately — as “Top Gun on the ski slopes,” the movie features some awesome, Warren Miller-style skiing footage and quite possibly the coolest bachelor pad ever seen in the movies, an old railroad caboose set up in the woods. Finola plays a wealthy temptress who leads our noble hero astray.) I had quite a thing for Ms. Hughes back in the day; I’m pleased to see on her official website that she’s remained quite yummy…

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