Monthly Archives: August 2008

Aug102008

Dr. McCoy Was Right!

Yeah, I know, it’s another lolcat, but this one seems so appropriate coming on the heels of the redshirt-death video…

cat
more cat pictures

Real entry coming soon, I promise!

(For my non-Trekkie, non-nerd readers, the title refers to Dr. McCoy’s oft-expressed discomfort with the process of beaming. He’s always nervous about having his molecules scattered or reappearing inside a solid object. Which would, of course, be bad… I wonder if the JJ Abrams reboot movie will continue this gag, or if Bones will be “reimagined” into a manly man who’s not afraid of such mundane little things. Sigh.)

spacer
Aug082008

I’m Alive (Not for Long, Though)

Any student of classic Star Trek knows that one’s sartorial choices have a direct impact on your potential longevity. So much so, in fact, that the term “redshirt” has come into general usage in sci-fi fandom to denote “the minor character who won’t make it to the end of the episode.” As evidence that color choices matter, allow me to present this amusing video montage:

The music is “I’m Alive” by ELO (that’s the Electric Light Orchestra, for you young’uns in the audience). Extra credit to the first commenter who can name the one episode that racks up the highest redshirt body count (a clip from said episode begins this video, if that helps at all).

spacer
Aug072008

Is the Dog Cloner Also the Mormon Manacler?

So, have you heard about the woman who reportedly sold her house to raise $50,000 so she could pay a South Korean company to clone her dead pit bull, which went by the charming and tasteful name of “Booger?” The basic story is pretty weird on its own — not least of all because the woman apparently thinks the cloned puppies are reincarnations* of Booger, based on her statement that they “know her” — but now it seems to be getting even weirder. I’ve been reading some speculation that Bernann McKinney, the proud owner of a litter of clone puppies, might in fact be Joyce McKinney, who, 30 years ago, abducted a Mormon missionary and took him to a rented cottage in the English countryside, where she chained him to a bed with mink-lined handcuffs and had her way with him — several times — in the hopes that he would marry her. The British tabloid The Daily Mail has the gory details, if you’re interested.

Brenann McKinney is denying that she’s the notorious missionary rapist, but I see a strong resemblance in the photos on Paul Rolly’s blog, and Salt Lake filmmaker Trent Harris, who once did a documentary on Joyce McKinney, is quoted as being “pretty sure” they’re one and the same person.

I vaguely remember hearing about the missionary abduction when I was growing up, but I always thought it was an urban legend, like Emo’s grave or the satanists in Memory Grove. I should’ve known better… if there’s a weird story out there, it almost always seems to come with a Utah connection. This state seems to exert a magnetic pull on colorful characters and offbeat occurrences. I consider it one of the many fringe benefits of living here…

* You know, this is a common misperception, that clones are not merely genetic duplicates but somehow retain the memories and personality of the donor organism as well, and it drives me crazy. It’s nonsense, of course. A clone is no more the same animal — or person, because you know that’s coming eventually — than a so-called “identical” twin sibling. They may share the same DNA, but they have their own thoughts and experiences, and often don’t even look all that much alike. The culprit is, I believe, a whole lot of really bad made-for-TV movies and a big dose of ignorance.

spacer
Aug062008

Paris for President

So, did you hear McCain compared Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, apparently in an effort to paint him as a pretty but vacuous celebrity instead of a serious politician? Here’s Paris’ response:

(Go on, click it — you may be surprised. God knows I was…)

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

I don’t know about you, but that clip fills me with a killer case of cognitive dissonance. Who knew anything that sensible could ever come from her beglossed lips? I know, of course, that this material was surely written for her, but still… she actually sounds as if she knows what she’s talking about! If nothing else, she reads from the teleprompter better than McCain or our current Fearless Leader…

spacer
Aug062008

Explosive Decompression

Yeah, I know. The lolcat thing is so over. Nevertheless, I thought this was funny:

cat
more cat pictures

Because I’m a sci-fi nerd, and we’re all about the airlocks…

spacer
Aug062008

I’m Not the Only One…

It’s been a while since I last addressed the matter of Star Wars on DVD — specifically, George Lucas’ stubborn and frustrating determination that the general public will never again see the pre-1997, unrevised (which, by the way, is quite a different animal from unrestored) editions of the classic original trilogy in any kind of high-quality video format.

For those of you who may have only recently joined us, let me state for the record that I am not one of these “George Lucas raped my childhood” types. I didn’t think the prequels were all that bad, Jar-Jar Binks is not the end of western civilization, and I don’t even begrudge George becoming very, very wealthy by exploiting the devotion of his fans. After all, nobody held a blaster to our heads and forced us to buy yet another box set of the same damn movies we already own five copies of, and it’s not like Lucasfilm is the only company guilty of practicing the “double-dip” marketing strategy. Hell, I don’t even particularly mind that he chose to use our beloved franchise as a test platform for his ideas about digital filmmaking — which I suspect was his true (and probably only) interest in revisiting Star Wars all along — and I also forgive him the sin of not being the man he was 35 years ago. People age, and their thinking about a lot of things changes along the way, and sometimes their skills decline, too. That’s life.

But the one thing I can’t forgive is The Great Flanneled One’s zeal to suppress the earlier, more significant editions of three of the most important movies of the last 50 years.* It wasn’t the Special Editions that changed everything for Hollywood, and I don’t understand George’s lack of respect for film history, if not for his own fans (I’m the first to admit that hard-core fans can sometimes be pretty damn annoying). Even so, his position on Star Wars is downright hypocritical given his support for film preservation in general; he’s been quoted as saying that he’s concerned about saving the films he watched when he was young. Just not the films people of my generation watched when we were young, apparently.

But don’t take my rant for it. Consider this lengthy but well-reasoned op-ed that outlines the history of the situation and makes a passionate argument on behalf of both old-school fanboys and general cinephiles (I count myself as both, incidentally). The following point, in particular, is the thing I wish we could somehow get through George’s thick skull:

Continue Reading…

spacer
Aug052008

Ricin Maker Pleads Guilty

If you’ve been following that bizarre story about the guy who was brewing up the deadly toxin ricin a little too close to home for my comfort, here’s the latest:

A former Utahn suspected of making ricin pleaded guilty Monday in a Las Vegas federal court to possession of the deadly toxin and possession of unregistered firearms.

 

As part of his plea, 57-year-old Roger Von Bergendorff agreed to forfeit a pistol and two silencers. He faces up to 10 years in prison and a $250,000 fine on each count when sentenced Nov. 3 by U.S. District Judge Robert C. Jones. Prosecutors are recommending 37 months behind bars.

Now, I’m not really a reactionary throw-away-the-key kind of guy, but doesn’t “37 months” and “agreeing to forfeit” a gun sound a little light for making a poison so potent that a drop the size of a pinhead can kill a person? And why does he have to “agree” to give up the pistol and two silencers? Aren’t silencers illegal, and given everything else we know about this guy, shouldn’t the weapon simply be confiscated as a matter of course?

One other thing that struck me: the court records reportedly say Bergendorff knowingly possessed the biological agent for an “unjustified purpose.” Isn’t that a cute little piece of jargon… “unjustified purpose.” What would be a justified purpose for owning this stuff?

spacer
Aug022008

Loose Definitions

I was just standing in line over at the grocery store and I noticed that they had 2GB USB flash drives on sale there at the cash register, right alongside the gum and lip balm and all the impulse-buy crap that you usually see in the grocery store checkout lane. For a moment, I was charmed by this spectacle — how unspeakably science-fiction-y and cool is that you can now get computer memory devices at the same neighborhood store where my mom used to buy me Idaho Spud candy bars in the far-off days of childhood? (Well, technically it’s not the same neighborhood store — the grocer built himself a new and improved building about fifteen years ago — but you get what I mean.) And that buying these things isn’t any big deal? They’re not down a special aisle or kept locked behind the service counter or anything, they’re just hanging there with the ChapStick, as innocuous as disposable lighters and People magazine.

But then I noticed this thing was called the JetFlash Classic. Classic? I think not. The term “classic” is something usually reserved for objects that have stood the test of time and are widely seen as the apotheosis of that category of objects. Levi’s 501s are classic. A ’57 Chevy Bel Air is a classic. But a flash drive? How long have flash drives been around anyway? Has there ever been anything that qualifies as an iconic, perfected flash drive design? No, there have been dozens of different looks for flash drives since they became widely available just a short handful of years ago, and none of them had a look that I think anyone would call definitive. They can (and do) look like anything from suppositories to humping toy dogs. And do we even know that flash drives will still be around in another five or ten years, or will something else replace them and they’re destined to end up about as classic as five-inch flop disks? How the hell can you call anything “classic” under those conditions?

You can’t. It’s all about marketing and branding. I get so tired of marketing and branding and the way perfectly good language gets warped to sell things that would probably sell just fine without giving them labels they haven’t earned. Words matter, but people don’t believe they do… and that makes me sigh and grumble under my breath like all the other grumpy old men who’re pissed that the world doesn’t run according to their watches…

spacer
Aug012008

Speaking of Disneyland…

Here’s an item I’ve been meaning to post for a while now, a rather amusing map of the afterlife inspired by the layout of the Magic Kingdom, right down to Cinderella’s castle in the middle of the “lands.” As usual, click to enlarge:

mapofheaven.jpg

I suspect that once I’ve traded in my mortal coil for a celestial E-Ticket, I’ll be spending a lot of time in the Arena of Answers trying to figure out just what the heck was going on down here on Earth, and I could actually use that Nu-Body machine right now. So I’ve got some things to look forward to, at least. How about you?

(Source via.)

spacer
Aug012008

The Scouring of the Shire

A couple years ago, I took note of a new housing development in Bend, Oregon, that was to be modeled after the bucolic Shire of Tolkien’s (and Peter Jackson’s) Lord of the Rings. I recall being both intrigued by and dubious of the project, writing at the time that:

…it would be the ultimate in geek bragging rights, I suppose. “Hey, look, I live in a hobbit hole!” But ultimately, it just seems a little too contrived to be desirable…

Turns out everybody else agreed with me. Today, I read the bank is foreclosing on The Shire. Only two homes (of a planned 31) have been finished, and only one of those has actually sold. The developer behind the project, Ron Meyers, is quoted as saying, “Some people were turned off by living in ‘Disneyland.'”

Um… yeah. You didn’t think of that before you took out massive loans and broke ground? And you didn’t consider that the sorts of people who might like to live in a Disney-style re-creation of a fictional place probably don’t have the income to buy million-dollar homes? Seems to me that folks who have that kind of scratch are usually interested in something a little less… gimmicky.

Somebody didn’t do their market research, it seems…

spacer