Be warned. The Girlfriend and I spotted Halloween decorations at Costco yesterday. Let me repeat that: Halloween decorations. In August. A full week before Labor Day. And not just any old rubber-bat or paper-skeleton-style Halloween decorations, but light-up inflatable lawn displays like those obnoxious things that have been so popular at Christmas time for the last couple of years. And they have an audio component, too, stereotypically spooky sounds like screams, blowing wind, creaking doors, and, of course, John Carpenter’s Halloween theme. Oy.

All Hallow’s Eve is my favorite holiday, but I don’t want to think about it this early, not before Labor Day, and ideally not before October 1st. I also don’t want to think about Christmas in September or Valentine’s Day in January. I have a theory that part of the reason why it seems like time moves so quickly these days and everybody’s so stressed and feeling like they just can’t catch up is because of crap like this. The retail industry seems to be increasingly out of sync with the actual seasons of the year, and thanks to their shopping “seasons,” we consumers are, too. You can’t buy a swimsuit in July because the back-to-school stuff is already on the shelves, and you can’t get a new coat during the deep-freeze days toward the end of January because the spring lines are coming out, and we’re expected to be worrying about Halloween before the pumpkins mature and Christmas while there’s still leaves on the trees. Basically, the sales pitches insist that we always be looking ahead instead of enjoying the now, and the time between the advance sales and the calendar seasons seems to grow wider and wider every year. It makes me crazy…