Just Because I’m Paranoid Doesn’t Mean…

So, the news this morning was the now-usual drumbeat of rising gas prices and calls to begin exploratory oil drilling in Alaska and protected coastal areas, and I was thinking of my dad’s irrational certainty that the high prices aren’t merely the result of supply and demand, that someone has just got to be behind the abrupt and seemingly unstoppable increases, and suddenly I had an epiphany. My idea was paranoid and sounded like a tinfoil-hat conspiracy theory cooked up by the lunatic fringe, but maybe, just maybe… well, consider this:

The very notion of protected wilderness areas has rankled oil companies and political conservatives for years. Even more frustrating (for them) has been their inability to sway public opinion sufficiently for them to overturn the protections once and for all. Oh, sure, the average citizen may not have strongly supported the environmental cause, but I think most folks have generally thought it was a pretty good idea to leave some parts of the country alone. But that’s because protecting wilderness hasn’t required any kind of sacrifice on the part of average Americans. I’ve always had the cynical, sneaking suspicion that the environmental movement would start to lose the battle as soon as environmentalism became too inconvenient for the regular folks in the ‘burbs.

So here’s my conspiracy theory: maybe my dad’s right and there is something more to those high gas prices. Maybe it’s all a scheme on the part of some cabal to break down the walls keeping the oil barons out of the wilderness zones. Let’s imagine “they” really have done something to raise gas prices beyond what ordinary market forces can explain. Soccer moms are feeling the pinch and getting desperate. The politicians respond by proposing the same thing they’ve been pitching for years: opening the Alaskan wilderness to drilling. Only now the public is more receptive to the idea because it’s costing so damn much to drive little Emily to her piano recital. And quick as you please, there are derricks pumping away in ANWR.

Crazy? Maybe. I don’t really believe it myself. But you’ve got to admit that it’d be an ingenious endgame, don’t you think? If there’s any truth behind this notion, and if it ends up being successful, the really sad thing is how little pushing it will have taken to break the well-intentioned but ultimately self-interested American voters…

[For the record, I am NOT any kind of major tree-hugger myself. Hell, I drive a Mustang, okay? I also don’t have any particular attachment to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, even though I do think there is value in untouched natural landscapes and that non-human life ought to have as much right to go about its business unmolested as we do. But I’m enough of a realist to acknowledge that many environmentalist goals are completely idealistic — no, worse, unrealistic — and unlikely ever to happen, or to be maintained indefinitely. Like the idea that no one will ever set foot in a certain region simply because it’s marked “off limits” on the map. I just think it’d be a damn shame if circumstances forced us into disturbing the place for a quick and easy fix instead of taking a longer, more painful, but ultimately better path — i.e., getting serious about kicking the oil habit — and it’d be an even bigger shame if those circumstances have come about because of a dirty back-room deal between guys who smoke more in Cuban cigars a month than I make in a year. I hate that so much of what goes on this country seems to be determined by that kind of secretive nonsense, aided and abetted by the forces of marketing and media. Just so you know where I’m coming from here…]

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7 comments on “Just Because I’m Paranoid Doesn’t Mean…

  1. Jen B

    No, I’m with you, and I don’t think you’re crazy… There’s no reason for gas prices to be skyrocketing the way they are, except that somewhere along the pike someone is getting huge amounts of money. And I think your idea is far from “harebrained”.
    As I see it, it seems to be driven by a combination of rumor of scarcity, plus the weak American dollar. And I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some effort being made by the billionaires in charge of the oil companies to put pressure where it’s going to hurt the most.
    Trouble is, it’s hurting the people who can least afford it. But nobody really cares, do they?

  2. jason

    The ones who are making the profits certainly don’t care.
    I don’t know… I’m still hesitant to flat-out accuse anyone of deliberately manipulating the market (as opposed to just floating the theory for the sake of conversation). But I do think there are those who are happily taking advantage of the opportunities this situation presents, while the rest of us suffer.

  3. Ilya Burlak

    Given the rise of fuel costs all over the world, this conspiracy seems to be rather global. I can’t imagine what Middle Eastern oil barons have to gain from drilling in Alaska…
    But I can easily imagine the glee of those who would profit on Arctic drilling; whether they manipulated the market or “lucked” into current conditions, it was a boon…

  4. Kisintin

    I agree with you as far as leaving ANWR alone, it does seem more along the lines of instant gratification ideas.
    1. There isn’t enough oil there to last long, or to have any significant impact on the import/local ratio.
    2. It would take approximately 5-6 years for the drilled oil there to actually MAKE IT to the market.
    3. Unfortunately for the U.S. we have very very very little natural oil reserves, compared to the amount we use.
    Cynical as I may be, I care about polar bears, but not enough that i would stop from getting the resources that are needed.
    But this ANWR drilling it’s not worth it.

  5. Keith

    Well, if you’re looking for conspiracy theories…they very low oil prices of the 80’s were to bankrupt the USSR and the current high oil prices are to break China’s and India’s growth…and gee Bush’s old co-workers to happen to make more money than ever in the history of mankind.

  6. jason

    Wow… I thought I was the only cynic in these parts… 🙂
    Ilya, Kisintin, Keith, I agree with all your points. We’re in a heck of a pickle, aren’t we?

  7. chenopup

    Regardless of who’s getting rich, I think the notion of being energy independent is a noble idea that has been around since the 70’s – it’s just taken 30 years for people to wake up and smell the roses.
    I’m for drilling in the US if it means less dependence on foreign oil and the ability to take back something that will give Americans more jobs. Something that we desperately need. We’re too dang dependent on other countries and although I don’t see drilling here as a long term option, maybe it works for the short term. USU is working on a really cool biofuel that uses Algae to produce the fuel. Alternatives are still in the works and I hope we go that route.
    As for the conspiracy? Lots of people are getting rich, I’m sure many from all over the world who could care less about prices going down. Maybe one of them could pay back Hillary. Funny though, you don’t hear any other candidates complaining about recouping all their lost money after losing a Presidential race though. 😉 That’s sure nice of Barack to help though. Good Political capital.
    Man, I wish the garbage version of Mr. Fusion was real, then we’re taking care of the landfills too!