I’ve seen an unusual number of attractive movie-related memes over the last couple of weeks, but, as you may have noticed, I’ve been somewhat preoccupied with other matters. Still, no good meme can go unmeme’d, so bear with me now as I launch into a veritable orgy of meme-ing. Or something to that effect. Basically, I’m trying to warn you that there’s a mess o’ memeage coming down the chute. But you probably gathered that already, didn’t you?

The first up is a pretty high-falutin’ one that I borrowed from SamuraiFrog. What do I mean by high-falutin’? Well, just wait until you see some of the questions and then tell me that anyone but a total film fanatic and/or snob would even know who or what they’re about. I don’t think anyone would consider me a slouch in the film-buff department, and even I had to look up quite a few of these. Nevertheless, I gave it a shot…

1. Best transition from movies to TV (actor, actress, producer/director, movie/show)?
   It used to be that the worlds of TV and movies were entirely separate, and television was the low-rent ghetto that movie people looked down upon. Now, of course, the barrier between them is much more permeable, and talent from both sides of the camera move back and forth pretty much at will. Still, TV seems to have morphed into the place where movie burn-outs go to find second chances, and I can think of no better examples than the stars of NBC’s Two and a Half Men, Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer. Sheen went from critically acclaimed early performances in Platoon and Wall Street to crap like The Rookie and The Arrival, garnering more attention for his personal foibles than anything he was doing on-screen. And Cryer, probably still best known for playing the painfully earnest Duckie in Pretty in Pink, was always just “that dude who looks like Matthew Broderick.” But then along comes Men, a crass but funny guilty-pleasure sitcom that lets both of them riff off their own real-life images as, respectively, an aging Lothario and a high-strung second-banana loser. They’re both really likable guys, career and personal-life missteps aside, and I’m thrilled to see that they’ve found some success after flaming out.
2. Living film director you’re most missing seeing on the cultural landscape regularly?
   Hm. Well, James Cameron hasn’t done anything since Titanic in ’97, and I’ve mostly enjoyed all his work. But I can’t say that I’ve really missed him.
3. Eugene Pallette or Charles Coburn?
   My first thought on this item was, “Who now?”, but a little googling reveals that I know both of these men on sight, if not by name. They were character actors who appeared in many of the classics of the Studio Era. Pallette was a regular fixture in movies of the 1930s and ’40s, notably appearing as Friar Tuck in Errol Flynn’s Adventures of Robin Hood. Coburn appeared in The Lady Eve and Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, among other things. Of the two, I have to give the nod to Pallette because of his memorable, rumbling voice that lent itself so well to playing various grouches and villains, often for great comedic effect.
4. Fill in the blank: “I pray that no one ever turns _____________ into a movie.”
   Pac-Man. These days, it’s about the only thing that H’wood hasn’t co-opted into a movie franchise.
5. Jane Greer or Veronica Lake?
   I’m not big fans of either — I’m familiar with only a couple of Lake’s films, and I don’t recall ever seeing any of Greer’s — but Veronica Lake has more va-va-voom-ness.
6. What was the last movie you saw in a theater? On DVD? And why?
   Theater: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Why: Silly question.
   DVD: Martian Child. Why: It’s been sitting on The Girlfriend’s coffee table for two months and Netflix was starting to wonder if they were going to get it back.
7. Name an actor you think should be a star.
   John Cusack (speaking of Martian Child) is, in my opinion, one of the finest actors of his (my) generation, but for some reason — either because he tends to choose smaller, character-driven, quirky movies, or because he’s so “everyman-ish” — he’s never really become a star. Sure, he stars in movies and pretty much everyone knows who he is, but he’s not a movie star in the sense that Brad Pitt is. And that’s too bad, because I think John Cusack rocks.
8. Foxy Brown or Coffy
   I’m sorry to say I’ve never seen either… but somehow I’ve always seemed to know who Pam Grier is anyhow. Go figure. Guess I picked that up from pop cultural osmosis or something. Or I have a finely tuned detection system for hot ladies. Something.
9. Favorite TV show still without its own DVD box set.
   Hm. Tough, since nearly all the major series are available now. Tales of the Gold Monkey, perhaps.
10. Jack Elam or Neville Brand
    Elam. It’s the eye… you can’t look away!
11. What movies would top your list of movies you need to revisit, for whatever reason?
    Hm. Well, in general, if I like something, it’s pretty much guaranteed I’ll see it again at some point, and if I don’t like it, why bother with it a second time when there are so many other flicks out waiting out there for my attention? That said, I guess I ought to give Better Off Dead another go, since so many people I know love that one and I can’t remember a single thing about it…
    (It occurs to me that that’s another John Cusack flick. I seem to be on a Cusack kick here…)
12. Zodiac or All the President’s Men
    Haven’t seen Zodiac (it’s in the neverending Netflix queue), so All the President’s Men by default.
13. Using our best reviewer-speak, what is an “important” film comedy? And what is to you the most important film comedy of the last 35 years?
    I’m not going to attempt the “reviewer-speak” — I long ago had that particular gland removed — but I’d say a comedy is important if it is (a) has more going on with its characterization and dialogue than merely setting up the next punchline, (b) uses humor to somehow illuminate a touchy subject, or (c) represents a sea-change in our culture that has perhaps gone unnoticed. For an example of Category A, I’d note American Pie, which on the surface is just a raunchy teens-who-want-to-get-laid comedy, a throwback to the early-80s sex comedies I grew up on, but which elevates itself beyond that by creating real human characters and elevating the females to the positions of power in the sexual equation. Category B is exemplified by Mel Brooks’ Blazing Saddles, which I consider to be one of the most honest movies about the American problem of race ever made. And finally, for Category C, consider Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. But Bennion, I can hear you say, that’s just a stupid stoner comedy and we’ve had plenty of those. What sea-change are you talking about? That one’s important because the movie’s leads are an Asian and an Indian, but nobody in the audience seemed to notice, probably because their ethnicity just doesn’t matter that much. They’re just guys, you see. Guys who happen to have different complexions than everyone else in the cast. That, to me, says something about where we’ve come as a culture compared to twenty years ago, when Cheech and Chong were making pretty much the same movie, but played in the broadest of Latino stereotypes. We haven’t solved our race problems in this country, but we’ve come a long way from where we were when I was a kid.
    That said, I’m going to have to name Blazing Saddles as the most important comedy of the last 35 years. Charmingly un-PC, it enabled blacks and whites to laugh at the same jokes, even while pointing out how foolish both sides of the race divide can be. When was the last time any one film accomplished that?
14. Describe the ideal environment for watching a movie.
    In a grand old movie palace with a thousand-seat auditorium, a screen the size of a semi trailer, plush velvet seats and a waterfall curtain that opens before the presentation… and a jamming device that renders cellphones into plastic bricks that won’t even light up. Oh, and no one under the age of nineteen.
15. Michelle Williams or Eva Mendes?
    Depends on what criteria you’re judging them by. Williams strikes me as a better actress, Mendes is much, much hotter.
16. What’s the worst movie title of all time?
    The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?. Hey, I used to do the marquees every week at both of the theaters I worked at, and I guarantee you this thing would’ve been a marquee-monkey’s worst nightmare!
17. Best movie about teaching and/or learning?
    Gross Anatomy, a little-remembered 1989 “dramedy” about first-year med students. The movie takes some soap opera-ish turns in the end, but it does a masterful job of showing the horrifically grinding demands of medical school and how wanting to succeed is sometimes more important than raw talent. All the characters grow and evolve during the course of the film, and the final scene is one of those good old-fashioned feel-good moments guaranteed to send you out of the auditorium with a smile. Remember when they still made modest movies that didn’t have huge, epic ambitions but were merely good?
18. Dracula (1931) or Horror of Dracula (1958)
    Haven’t seen Horror of Dracula, so Bela takes it by default.
19. Why do you blog? Or if you don’t, why do you read blogs?
    Beats standing on a street corner shouting at random strangers. They haul you away when you do that.
20. Most memorable/disturbing death scene.
    I found the “slow stabbing” in Saving Private Ryan pretty damn disturbing. Most memorable? Obi-Wan Kenobi vanishing without explanation…
21. Jason Robards or Robert Shaw?
    This is rather a strange pairing, isn’t it? How are these guys or their on-screen personae remotely comparable? Still, if you force me, I’d say Robards… he’s one of those classy old-timers that lends a degree of dignity to whatever he appears in.
22. A good candidate for Most Blasphemous Movie Ever.
    Geez, I don’t know… I’m not one to get all squirmy about religion, probably because I’m not terribly religious. Monty Python’s Life of Brian seems to get people worked up, although I’ve not seen it in years and don’t really remember enough of it to say anything intelligent about it.
23. Rio Bravo or Red River?
    Haven’t seen either. Not a big fans of westerns.
24. Werner Herzog is remaking Bad Lieutenant with Nicolas Cage—that’s reality. Try to outdo reality by concocting a match-up of director and title for a really strange imaginary remake.
    An updated version of The Thin Man directed by Uwe Boll and starring Tina Fey and Adam Sandler as Nick and Nora.
25. Bulle Ogier or Charlotte Rampling?
    I don’t know any of these women’s work. I haven’t seen many French movies.
26. In the Realm of the Senses— yes or no?
    Haven’t seen it.
27. Name a movie you think of as your own.
    Sam Raimi’s 1990 misfire Darkman, for reasons that are too long to explain here. My friends from the old multiplex days will get this one, though…
28. Winged Migration or Microcosmos?
    Haven’t seen Winged Migration — again, it’s in the queue — so Microcosmos by default. If nothing else, it’s got the hottest insect sex I’ve ever seen on film…
29. Your favorite football game featured in a movie.
    See, I don’t like sports so I don’t usually see sports-themed movies, and when I do, the games are the least memorable aspect of them for me. The last football movie I saw was Leatherheads, so let’s say the big game in that one. I don’t remember what happened in that game, of course…
30. Wendy Hiller or Deborah Kerr?
    Hiller, because she was in Anne of Avonlea, and I have a sneaky affection for those danged PBS pledge-time mainstays…
31. Dirtiest secret you have that is related to the movies?
    Um… I’m not sure of how to answer this one. I’ve never shared a theater with Paul Reubens, if that’s what this thing is getting at.
32. Name a favorite film and describe how it is illuminated and is enriched by another favorite film.
    Another toughie. The first example that comes to mind is perhaps not the best one — Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom isn’t so much informed by Gunga Din as it is a pastiche (or a rip-off, if you’re uncharitable) of several key scenes from the older film — but I so strongly remember the feeling of wondrous epiphany, that “a-ha” sensation I experienced when I saw Gunga Din on late-night TV in high school and suddenly realized where Spielberg, or Lucas, or most likely both of them, had borrowed (stolen) some of their ideas. It was oddly pleasurable to make that connection, and a key step in my understanding that many of the things I’d grown up loving were in fact reflections of the things their makers had grown up loving. It’s all one big web of borrowed ideas and homages…
33. It’s a Gift or Horsefeathers?
    Haven’t seen either.
34. Your best story about seeing a movie at a drive-in?
    In the fall of 1987, I was dating a cute brunette named Melissa, who I met following a motorcycle accident. (She’d been in the accident and was covered in dirt and blood and was in shock when I came upon the scene; I thought she was adorable, all disheveled and filthy and looking like she needed a hug.) We went to a drive-in double-feature of Adventures in Babysitting and Can’t Buy Me Love. To this day, I can’t tell you what Can’t Buy Me Love is about.
    Actually, I guess that’s not much of a story. At least not a unique one. Anyone who’s ever been to a drive-in can probably tell something similar. Still… that was a good night…
35. Victor Mature or Tyrone Power?
    Power. He was Zorro before Antonio Banderas was even a twinkle…
36. What does film criticism mean to you? Where do you think it’s headed?
    I think popular film criticism — the kind that ordinary people might actually read — is hopelessly debased these days. Most professional critics are no better than guys like me, just schmucks with either blogs or columns — which are really just old-school blogs, when you think about it — throwing out simplistic binary opinions — “I liked it” or “I didn’t like it” — to audiences that don’t pay much attention anyhow and go see whatever the weekend’s big release is because, well, it’s this weekend’s big release. The only pro critic I care about is Roger Ebert, and that’s because he actually knows a few things about film history and how a movie gets made.
    As for academic criticism, meh. I find academic criticism of all the humanities to be so insular, so cut off from anything that the average citizen can relate to, that it’s pretty much useless.
    I think academic criticism will continue to chug along, unnoticed by anyone except college professors and their students, while pro critics, newspaper-style critics, are probably going to die out and be replaced by some kind of Web 2.0 popularity ranking. But then, I’m a cynic…