One more for tonight: our esteemed colleague Jaquandor has declared me an excellent blogger:
Another terrific source of high-quality geekitude, Jason at Simple Tricks and Nonsense always brings the goods. Sometimes we agree on stuff, sometimes we don’t.
To which I say, with all sincerity, thanks, man. That truly means a lot to me. I’m glad people out there enjoy what I do.
And to everyone else reading this, if you haven’t checked out Jaquandor’s blog, Byzantium’s Shores, I highly recommend it. He’s a fine writer and seems to be a good egg. Have a look, in particular, at his on-going project to “fix” the The Phantom Menace; basically he’s writing a story treatment that retains the bulk of Uncle George’s screenplay as we saw it, but with a few tweaks that would’ve made for a drastically improved film. As he says of me, I don’t agree with everything he’s doing — I would’ve made far more substantial changes to Jar Jar Binks and the Gungan people than Jaq has chosen to do, and I probably would’ve jettisoned the midichlorians altogether rather than trying to find a way to make that idea work — but that’s the fun of these sort of geeky conversations. At least it used to be, back before everybody got so damn serious about them.
As you can imagine, this rewrite is a pretty lengthy process; he’s doing it by installments and is about halfway through the film at this point. Here’ s Part One to get you started…
I’m heading over to check out Jaquandor’s Phantom Menace “fix” now. I watched Episode I over the weekend, and my brain started re-writing it instinctively. I can’t wait to see what Jaquandor does with it. First, no believable culture would elect a 14-year-old queen. If George Lucas didn’t want another “Princess,” Padme could have been the prime minister’s daughter or something. The Trade Federation’s bad Asian accents have to go. Anakin should be a bit older, and he shouldn’t have built 3PO. The prequel trilogy needs a charming, humorous character like Han Solo. It can’t be Obi-Wan (he’s too serious), so it really should have been Anakin. If he had been a “scoundrel,” maybe it would have been believable when Padme fell for him. And the Gungans? I’m not quite sure how to salvage them…
I have no dog in this fight, but isn’t history littered with teenage kings and queens? King Tut comes immediately to mind.
Remember this is A LONG TIME AGO in a galaxy far, far away. Not A LONG TIME FROM NOW…
Well, Derek, Jaq’s not doing anything so drastic as your suggestions, so you may be somewhat disappointed by his revision. His whole point is that he doesn’t consider the movie to be as bad as everyone else seems to think, and that it only needed minor tweaks. Like you, I personally would make more drastic changes, but I can’t deny that Jaq’s ideas are making for a much improved story.
For the record, I don’t have an issue with the 14-year-old queen (although the political system of Naboo is frustratingly vague and weird — electing a queen? Is she just supposed to be a figurehead and Padme kind of shook things up by being so proactive?), nor was I bothered by the Trade Fed accents (I would ditch them only because so many other people took issue with them). And personally, I thought Obi Wan did have a roguish, cocky charm to him that gradually mellowed throughout the prequel series (I have this theory that’s why he kind of took to Solo when Luke thought he was just a braggart, because he recognized some of his younger self there), but I agree Ani would’ve worked better as an older, non-Threepio-building kid. (Would’ve made more sense to have Threepio be part of Padme’s retinue, just like Artoo was.)
Lastly, I think it would make a world of difference with the Gungans if they’d simply spoken in subtitles like so many other SW-universe creatures. It would instantly remove much of their foolish aspect and also explain Jar Jar’s bizarre patois, i.e., English (or Galactic Standard or whatever) is a second language for him, so of course he has an accent and mangles a lot of words.
But all of that is my take on the material. Your and Jaquandor’s mileage obviously varies… 🙂
I have no issue with a young king or queen, if it’s a rite-of-succession sort of thing. But ELECTING a teenage queen? Seriously, I think George Lucas simple wanted royalty, but didn’t want to repeat the Princess thing.
Jason, you nailed it with the Gungan subtitles. Jar-Jar would gain the audience’s respect translating for the other Gungans. Maybe Jar-Jar was the only one who bothered learning Galactic Standard (albeit badly).
For the record, I like the prequels too. But hey, this is how grown-up little boys keep their imaginations sharp, right?
Hm. You know… if none of the other Gungans had learned Standard, maybe even because of stubborn racial pride or something, that would’ve contributed to one of the major themes of the movie, i.e., the Naboo and the Gungans shared a planet but avoided one another until they were forced to come together in the face of a mutual enemy. Jar Jar, living on the surface as an outcast, would’ve had to pick up some Standard in order to survive. His character would be vastly strengthened because he would become the go-between between the two species at their moment of need.
Wow… one little revision — and a pretty simple one at that — would’ve made such a huge difference. Really goes to show you how important writing can be, eh?
Oh, and you’re right: this is exactly how grown-up little boys keep sharp. 🙂
My friend Cranky Robert once asked me during a conversation about Return of the Jedi, “how many years of our lives do you figure we’ve spent rewriting this movie?” And this was years before the prequels! Now we have even more rewriting opportunities…