After a long, long period of trying to deny my true nature and pass for cool, I finally came out of the closet, er, comic book store, about ten years ago and announced proudly to the world that, yes, I am a geek. I think I’ve got plenty of street cred to justify the title, what with the Star Wars/Star Trek fanboy thing, the dozens of tattered sci-fi paperbacks that I devoured during my misspent youth, all my college-years debates over whether a Star Destroyer could beat the Enterprise in a fair fight (Duh! Of course it could!), and, of course, the toys and ephemera and other crap that I collect (quite a lot of it still in its original packaging, just as The Collector would insist). But there’s one particular subset of geekiness that’s never really grabbed my interest, one big hole in my curriculum nerdae that prevents me from becoming fully actualized as a true-blue, Wil Wheaton-level hardcore Geek Master, and that’s… gaming.

No form of gaming, be it electronic, board-, paper-, or card-based, has ever held my attention for long. Just not my thing, I’m afraid. I’ll admit to having some fond memories of the early-80s video arcade experience, but nothing beyond what every Gen-Xer probably shares; shoveling quarters into Donkey Kong and Zaxxon was a novelty that eventually lost its luster. As for role-playing games, the ultimate initiation into the world of the geekly arts… well, I went to exactly two Dungeons and Dragons sessions in my youth before deciding that the whole thing was kind of silly and pointless; all the different kinds of dice and little charts with arcane formulae and numbers and such frankly left me baffled and wondering what the big deal was. I went back to my paperbacks and left the RPGs to the folks whose idea of fun was crunching a few math equations, because as best as I could figure, that’s all D&D really amounted to. In all the years since then, I’ve never once felt like I missed out on something.

Until today. Right now, I’m wishing I’d spent a little more time hanging around the fringes of the RPG scene, because then at least I could interpret my results from the latest silly Internet quiz thing:

I Am A: True Neutral Human Wizard (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-10
Dexterity-13
Constitution-11
Intelligence-13
Wisdom-14
Charisma-11

Alignment:
True Neutral A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn’t feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he’s not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard’s strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

If anybody reading this knows anything about D&D, would you mind letting me know if a “True Neutral Human Wizard (5th Level)” is anything worth bragging about, or is it totally lame-o?