That obnoxious buzzing sound you hear? It’s gotta be Satan’s snowblower, because David Lee Roth is rejoining Van Halen for a concert tour.

(Naturally, the closest this tour is coming to my stupid little backwater is Glendale, Arizona. Sigh.)

The cynic in me gives Eddie and Diamond Dave maybe three performances before they’re at each other’s throats again and the whole enterprise is disintegrating under the weight of their respective egos. The romantic in me hopes that they somehow manage to hold it together, make a lot of money, and realize they could make even more money by adding additional performances to the roster… like, say, one in Salt Lake City. Hey, it’s not so crazy… The Police Reunion Tour is still underway, isn’t it? Of course, they passed over my hometown, too, the bastards…

Van Halen was never my favorite band, but they were pretty ubiquitous during my formative years (“Jump,” “Panama,” and “I’ll Wait” are indelible tracks on the soundtrack of my life, and “Dance the Night Away” is simply a perfect little summertime parfait), and I just think it would be way cool to see Dave and Eddie on stage together, as they should be. Nothing against Sammy Hagar, whose stint with the band also generated a lot of good music, but David Lee, as big an ass as he appears to be, is the one true lead singer of this particular group, as far as I’m concerned. I won’t travel to catch this tour, but if by some miracle they do add a Utah date, man, I’m so there…