FYI, I had some weird Internet problems all weekend, so I was unable to post several political entries that I had in mind as follow-ups to the previous one, or to respond to the comments left on “Disgusted” until this morning. I’m thinking that’s just as well; I really don’t want to continue mulling such an incredibly depressing and dangerous development when there’s so damn little I can do about it personally. At least until election day, when I’ll make my usual futile gesture in the name of good conscience (i.e., voting blue in the most overwhemingly red state in the union; it’s like spitting into the wind, but I’ll do it anyhow).

In the meantime, let us think of more amusing things. Things like a list of the Top 176 Star Wars Lines Improved By Replacing A Word With “Pants”. As you can imagine, many of these have naughty overtones, and a few cross the line into outright tastelessness, but hey, there’s nothing wrong with that, right? Here are a few of my favorite examples:

• “Chewie and me got into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.”
  (Hmm… talk about taking your friends everywhere with you.)
• “I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.”
  (I can see how that might be a distraction.)
• “I sense the conflict within you. Let go of your pants!”
  (What every teenage boy says to his girlfriend at least once in the course of their relationship. Most often heard at drive-in movie theaters midway through the second feature.)
• “I think you just can’t bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your pants.”
  (Aww, how endearing.)
• “Alderaan is peaceful, we have no pants!”
  (Ah, yes, Alderaan was a happy place back in the day.)

The number-one item on the list is, predictably, “I find your lack of pants disturbing.”

Indeed we do. Indeed. We do.