With the exception of two deeply traumatic weeks round about 1995, I’ve worn a full beard for nearly all of my adult life. My father has had one for most of his grown-up years, too, and so did my late uncle Louie. Beards are cool, man. But that’s not a message that’s too widely accepted here in arch-conservative Utah. Seriously, the population here is overwhelmingly clean-shaven. You see a fair number of goatees among the younger crowd, but very few full-on, manly-men-style beards. Moreover, a great many people in these parts seem to be profoundly uncomfortable with the thought of facial fur; I’ve heard beards decried as “unclean,” “unattractive,” and “Satanic.” I’ve heard people say that men with beards are “untrustworthy” because they’re “hiding something.” I even had a young lady tell me once as I struggled through a dry-spell that the reason I couldn’t get a date was because women don’t like beards. No women. Not one. (I suspect The Girlfriend might have something to say about that!)

Fortunately, not everyone in the world is so ignorant. Some people are sophisticated enough to recognize the inherent, undeniable grooviness of The Beard. People like whoever made today’s video treat, which cleverly reveals the true reason why the Lord of the Rings movies rocked:

(Let me give you a hint: it’s because “Even the f***ing trees have beards!”)

I don’t know about you, but I want one of those limited-edition beard cases…