I used to think, back in the dark old days of the Reagan era, that human civilization would most likely end in an instant of nuclear fire, one brief flash of horrible beauty and destruction followed by eternal silence and ashes. After this morning’s commute, however, I’ve decided the end is going to come more slowly and far less spectacularly, in a prolonged struggle without end that fools us all into thinking we’re making progress and moving ahead, when in reality we’re just creeping our lives away inch by inch as we all slowly go mad.
I’ve decided, in other words, that humanity’s end will come in one colossal traffic jam.
I can see it all now… future archeologists from an alien civilization pondering the bizarre death rituals that would require each individual to be wrapped in a sarcophagus of steel and plastic and placed on a long ribbon of concrete running between our cities. Would they assume we wanted to keep our dead near us, above ground and in plain sight? Would they assume we shared some mythological vision of the dead traveling onward to our final destination? Perhaps the other seats within these sarcophagi were intended for symbolic passengers, or beings that we thought we’d pick up along the way. The scraps and crumbs littering the floor and control surfaces of the sarcophagi would surely be interpreted as symbolic meals to feed the travelers on their journey into the afterlife, while the various electronic devices plugged into the mummified ears of the deceased were perhaps intended to provide a way for the living to speak to the dead. I suspect these future scientists from another world will shake their heads at the sad superstitions that left we foolish humans so isolated, so wedded to the idea of perpetual motion despite the ironic fact that we really weren’t getting anywhere at all.
Yes, I can see it all… and I think I’m going to take the train to work the rest of this week.
AMEN to that blog! Sounds like your commute was a lot like mine this morning. Took me an hour to get from West Jordan to downtown. Why does it seem like no matter who you are, you work on the opposite end of the valley from where you live?
Some days it’s like the heavens open up and I have an “easy” commute. Other days, for no explanation whatsoever, the commute just plain(pardon my French) sucks! Unfortunately, I have more experience with the latter. I guess if there is a silver lining, it’s that I’ve learned to keep my road rage under control. That’s positive, right?
If you can control the road rage, Tiff, I’d say that’s more than a positive — it’s a bloody miracle! (Not to suggest you have an anger problem; it’s more that the traffic is so, um, stimulating…)
You know, I had another job about six years ago that required me to commute into downtown and it seems like the traffic wasn’t nearly as bad then as it is now — and that was before and during the big freeway reconstruction! I just don’t understand why it’s gotten so bad recently.
I would have to agree with you Jas! The commute in just the past few weeks has grown into a small nightmare. When I commute to and from work each day, I fell like a slow moving dry whale terd that just cant find its way to the a**hole. Those funny faces that you see me pulling on the UDOT traffic cameras are me trying to push my way out (big grunt noise).
I tend to think that the traffic became worse at about the same time school started again. Do you think that could be a factor? The traffic is very reminiscent of the I-15 reconstruction days.
Having school back in session could be part of the problem, but I don’t know why that would make such a huge difference this year over last, unless the U has a much larger enrollment this year. I know the trains have been a lot more crowded lately, but I figured that was because gas is getting so expensive. And if the trains are filling up, then who the hell are all those people on the freeway? The whole thing is baffling…