Up until a couple days ago, I was thinking that the hype machine had been curiously subdued on the matter of Revenge of the Sith. I just wasn’t seeing the kind of overheated, artificial hysteria that preceded The Phantom Menace back in ’99 — all the fast-food tie-ins, the TV commercials, the billboards, the collectible Pepsi cans, the flood of new toys. That was overkill, even for someone like me, a compulsive collector who loves a good graphic design that incorporates beloved characters and logos.

I thought maybe we were getting a different approach with Sith, something more organic and natural, based on word-of-mouth like the buzz that fueled the success of the original Star Wars in 1977. I thought perhaps the bean-counters had realized that they really didn’t need to advertise this one much, aside from the usual movie trailers, because everyone already knew it was coming.

Apparently I just wasn’t paying attention.

While watching TV this morning, I’ve seen five separate ads using Star Wars characters to shill for five different products. Maybe these have been airing for a while and I’ve missed them somehow. Maybe they just started airing as part of the final push leading into Thursday’s Big Event. I don’t know, so apologies if this stuff is old news for you. But it’s all new to me. The ads themselves range from the sublime to the utterly lame.

The best of them is the Diet Pepsi spot in which Yoda snakes a cheeseburger and fries from some dude in a diner. This one is utterly inspired, and genuinely funny. It’s brilliant because it plays off the public’s general conception of the Yoda character as a wise old Zen master who is above worldly concerns and desires, like, say, the craving for a big greasy plate of french fries. This ad produced genuine laughter from me, a rare thing.

The Dark Side M&Ms ad, on the other hand, garnered only a chuckle. Yeah, it’s kind of satisfying to see that obnoxious red M&M-guy get a Force-choking, but the thing about Vader choking people who displease him… well, it’s kind of obvious, isn’t it? Almost a cliche, actually. The Yoda ad works because it surprises us, whereas this is… expected. Keep trying, guys.

Next up was a Cingular ad featuring Chewbacca in a recording studio doing take after identical take to create the perfect Star Wars cell-phone ring. I thought this one was just plain dumb, given that Chewie actually makes a wide range of sounds throughout the original trilogy. (Oddly enough, Chewie also appeared on Live with Regis and What’s-her-name this morning to plug his new movie; the interview was conducted with subtitles, naturally.)

I also didn’t think much of an ad in which Vader shows up on a guy’s doorstep after he wins a lottery or something (I was so unimpressed I didn’t even catch what the ad was for) and tries to convince the dude that he needs to share his winnings. When “I am your father,” doesn’t sway the lucky winner, Vader tries “I am your uncle!” He gets a door slammed in his face for his troubles. So why didn’t I like this one? Well, this is going to sound very Comic Book Guy-ish (like the thing about Chewie didn’t, I know), but the “I am your father!” scene in Empire is arguably the most powerful moment in the entire six-part saga, and I don’t like it being used as a punchline. I don’t like Vader being used as a punchline, actually; the character should be treated with more respect. Besides, anyone who slams a door in the face of a Sith Lord is just asking for it.

Finally, there’s a Burger King ad running that gives me the creeps: Vader stands face-to-face with BK’s disturbing new plastic-headed mascot and the two of them just… breathe. No dialogue, no action, just these two faceless beings breathing on each other. If this is supposed to be funny, I don’t get it. The whole thing is an exercise in unbroken tension, and I keep waiting for the Burger King guy to start killing puppies or something. But then any ad involving the BK Regent tends to provoke that “danger” response from me. He’s just so… wrong-looking. A textbook example of what cyberneticists call the “uncanny valley.”

Hopefully, I can avoid seeing that one too many more times before Thursday…