The frequent visitor to Simple Tricks has probably noticed that I am prone to frequent and often uncontrollable attacks of nostalgia. What can I say? I’m well on my way to becoming one of those boring old farts who is convinced that the modern world is going to hell in a bucket and that everything was much better back in the day. As near as I can tell, this process of codgerification began right around the time kids started to talk about something called “grunge” and could no longer identify Night Ranger as the band who recorded “Sister Christian.” The rate of decay accelerated to light-speed when I realized that most of them couldn’t even identify “Sister Christian.”
In that vein of grimly humorous pop-cultural disenfranchisement, allow me to present the lyrics for my new theme song, a little ditty called “1985” by the band Bowling for Soup. It may help you better understand where I’m coming from. At the very least, it will give you something to read while I continue banging away at a very long political post…
“Debbie just hit the wall, she never had it all
One Prozac a day, husband’s a CPA
Her dreams went out the door
When she turned twenty-four
Only been with one man
What happened to her plan
“She was gonna be an actress
She was gonna be a star
She was gonna shake her ass
On the hood of Whitesnake’s car
Her yellow SUV is now the enemy
Looks at her average life
And nothing has been alright
“Since Bruce Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she’s uncool
Cause she’s still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985
“She’s seen all the classics, she knows every line
Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink
Even St. Elmo’s Fire
She rocked out to Wham!
Not a big Limp Bizkit fan
Thought she’d get a hand
On a member of Duran Duran
“Where’s the mini-skirt made of snake skin
And who’s the other guy that’s singing in Van Halen
When did reality become TV
Whatever happened to sitcoms, game shows
(on the radio)
“There was Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she’s uncool
Cause she’s still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985
“She hates time, make it stop
When did Motley Crue become classic rock
And when did Ozzy become an actor
Please make this stop, stop
Stop, and bring back
“Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she’s uncool
Cause she’s still preoccupied
With 1985”
That about sums up exactly how I feel about my life. Well, except for wanting to be in a Whitesnake video or molest a member of Duran Duran. OK, sure, I would’ve done the Whitesnake video, but only so I could meet Tawny Kitaen. (That’s Tawny Kitaen as she was back then, not the more recent insane version. Further proof that everything has gone to hell in the last few years.) And I’ve never wanted a snake-skin miniskirt or much liked Wham. But you get the idea…
Ah, come on. You’d look great in a snake-skin miniskirt. 🙂
Maybe a snake-skin kilt, but a tight little skirt? Nah.
*snicker*
Yeah, I’ve heard that song, and I’m feeling it. Not that I really wanted to be in a Whitesnake video or molest someone in Duran Duran either, but hey… I LOVED Wham. And Duran Duran, and Cindy Lauper, and Tears for Fears, and jelly shoes, and leg warmers, and big hair, and Beneton bags, and… and…
It’s scary how that list of “I remember” items just seems to keep getting longer, isn’t it?
Absolutely!! I love that song and no one else I know has heard it. I loved so much about the ’80’s. Can’t believe it was so long ago now!! And I do have to admit, so much is not how I had imagined or planned it.
That’s for sure… I always figured my life would be something like “Magnum, P.I.” About the only thing in my life that’s remotely close to Magnum’s is that I have a red convertible. Of course mine cost about $50,000 less than that Ferrari, but hey, I do what I can…