So, I don’t know about everyone else out there in Internet-Land, but I can’t wait for the election to be over with.

In case it hasn’t been obvious from my posts lately, I’ve been obsessively following the campaigns for months now, listening to downloaded MP3s of speeches, watching the Sunday morning talking-head shows, reading blogs and political books. I’ve lived, breathed, ate, drank, thought, crapped, and sweated politics… and I realized this afternoon, while I was in the middle of a political post intended for this blog and which seemed to be well on its way to becoming a dissertation, that I’m tired of it. I’m tired of feeling outraged and argumentative all the time, tired of worrying that the world is on the edge of an abyss and that half the population of this country thinks we should lean one way and the other half thinks we should go the other, and that both sides think the other is idiotic for leaning in their particular direction.

I’m tired of trying to be even-handed in the things I write in this space in order to avoid confrontation with my friends, and I’m tired of the confrontations that always seem to come anyway. I don’t have the energy to debate anymore (sorry, Cheno!). And so I’m not going to anymore, at least not for awhile. I’m not going to pretend that my humble ramblings in this space have a Popsicle’s chance in hell of changing a single mind out there, or that people give a damn about my thoughts on which is the better candidate. I’m convinced that most people made up their minds on this election months ago and have only gotten more hardened over the course of this very long and nasty summer. Except for those notorious undecideds, of course, and to them I would ask this: what more do you need to make up your minds? Jeez, I thought I was bad because I spent ten minutes at the grocery store tonight trying to decide which brand of hash browns had the more appealing photo on the bag. Not that they ever look like the photo on the bag when I cook them, regardless of brand.

Getting back to the point, I’m tired of feeling like civility is dead and that it’s a risk to voice your honest opinions where others might hear them, whether on a blog in cyberspace or in a Denny’s in Sandy. I hate that I have to watch what I say around strangers because I don’t know which side they support. I hate arguing with my friends, or worse, struggling not to argue, for fear of screwing up the friendship.

I’m tired of being a liberal in Utah, of feeling absolutely alienated and powerless. It really doesn’t matter how I vote on Tuesday, does it? The electoral votes will go to Bush regardless of who I want to see in the Oval Office. The GOP is so sure of it that we haven’t even seen a TV ad for the presidential candidates in this state. (Of course, our local politicians have more than filled this void — I’m just about ready to load John Swallow into the nearest available rocket and shoot him into the sun.)

I’m tired of the way some people pronounce the words “liberal” and “Democrat” as if they were filthy four-letter words that refer to unnatural relations with one’s own maternal relatives. People on the left side of the spectrum really are not the enemy, guys. We just have a different set of priorities and perceptions.

You want to know what my dissertation-length post was about, the one I’ve been working on for three days but decided to abandon this afternoon before I set off in search of hash browns? The one that made me realize, finally, how sick I am of politics?

It was an attempt to rationally, reasonably address the reasons why I intend to vote against President George W. Bush on Tuesday. Unlike my previous effort to explain why I don’t like Bush, that book review written way back when I first started this blog, I was choosing my words carefully for this new post, trying to avoid giving in to anger or frustration, trying to avoid offending anyone with an unfortunate turn of phrase. I thought it was going fairly well… until I realized that it didn’t matter how I phrased it or how polite I tried to be. The mere fact that I disapprove of this president is going to be enough to offend some people. And I’m really tired of that, too.

I think a lot of people are tired of feeling offended, regardless of which side they may be on. I suspect the reason why no one has commented on the last few politically oriented posts I’ve made is because my friends haven’t wanted to argue with me. Why? I don’t think it’s because they’ve suddenly converted to my way of thinking. Probably because they’re as tired of this Sisyphus crap as I am. Or maybe no one is even reading the political posts anymore, which is a pretty good reason to quit doing them.

I am convinced that the election on Tuesday is going to be one of the most significant in the history of our nation, one that, more than any other in my generation’s memory, is going to determine the course of the future. I’m not alone in feeling this way — it seems that a lot of people are, on both sides, and that all those who feel this way are absolutely dreading what will happen if their guy doesn’t win. I can’t remember the country ever being so divided, or so anxious. Some commentators say it’s like the 1960s, others say it’s like the climate that surrounded the New Deal. Still others say that it’s far worse than either of those times. Myself, I can think of only one other moment in our history when the divisions between us were so deep, and that was in the election of 1860…

Needless to say, walking around with those kinds of thoughts in my head has been… difficult. It feels unreal, actually, like I’ve stumbled through a hidden doorway into a parallel-universe version of Earth where everything is almost but not quite identical to my Earth, where everything is subtly wrong. And I’m tired of living on that Earth.

So, here’s how it’s going to be: in roughly 72 hours, I’m going to step into a booth and cast my vote for John Kerry. (Sorry to those friends who keep emailing me exhortations to “vote my conscience” by going for a third-party candidate, but I don’t share your zeal for making futile, idealistic gestures. Oh wait, I’m a Democrat in Utah, so I guess I will be making a futile, idealistic gesture. But it will be a gesture that at least has the appearance of practicality.)

If anyone asks why I intend to vote for Kerry, I will explain that I don’t share George Bush’s ideology, I think his record stinks for various reasons, and I dislike him personally. If anyone out there, friend or stranger, disagrees with my beliefs on this matter, then so be it. This is America, after all. You go ahead and vote for your guy and give me the space to vote for my guy. And with any luck at all, it really will be over with on Tuesday night, with none of the agonizingly drawn-out nonsense we saw in 2000. Democracy in action, freedom on the march.

And then maybe we can all go off and have a nice long vacation on a different parallel Earth, the groovy one where the raindrops taste like gin, and everyone looks good naked. Or at the very least maybe I can get back to obsessing over something that doesn’t make me feel utterly depressed…