I tuned out the local news last week while I was doing so much running around, so it’s only now come to my attention that liberal firebrand Michael Moore has been hired to speak at Utah Valley State College on October 20. Interesting. That means the grinding sound I’ve been hearing for the past few days is either the gnashing of teeth or villagers sharpening the points on their pitchforks. Anyone call Home Depot recently to check on the availability of torch oil?

For any non-Utah readers I might have out there, let me explain a couple of things. First, UVSC is located in the heart of Utah County, which is geographically south of my stomping grounds, Salt Lake County. (Yes, my home county is named after my home city. In addition, both counties are named after the physical valleys in which they are located, the Salt Lake Valley and Utah Valley. The concurrence of the names makes them easier to remember, I guess.) Things are different down in the U.C. The population tends to be very young, very fertile, and very blond, even by Utah standards. It isn’t the sort of place where you’re likely to stumble across a hidden bohemian district (Salt Lake has one, believe it or not), or even a lone hole-in-the-wall coffee shop that caters to the tattoo-and-piercing set. Instead, it’s as if the Salt Lake Mormon culture — which I’m told is substantially more uptight from the Mormon culture as it exists outside of Utah — has been fed through some kind of refining process to produce a level of unparalleled goody-two-shoe-edness.

Many Salt Lakers refer to Utah County, particularly the Orem-Provo area where UVSC is located, as “Happy Valley,” and if you’ve ever been there for any length of time — say an hour or two spent at the Provo Towne Center Mall — you’ll understand why. The expression perfectly encapsulates the place’s sticky, unnatural, Wonder Bready wholesomeness. In the simplest pop-cultural terms, Utah County is Pleasantville combined with Stepford, then populated by clones of Ned Flanders.

(To be fair, Utah County is also an aesthetically beautiful region with mountains looming to the east and a lake to the west, lots of manicured lawns, nicely maintained old houses, quaint old-timey main streets, and polite citizens. The crime rate is low, education levels are high, and the county routinely lands on lists of the best places in the nation to live, especially if you’re interested in raising a family. However, given the way I think and believe — not to mention look — I can’t imagine that I would feel comfortable living there. It just wouldn’t be a good fit.)

Needless to say, residents of Utah County tend to be politically conservative, often much moreso even than Salt Lakers. It’s not at all uncommon when driving through the area to see lawn signs demanding we “Get the U.S. Out of the U.N. Now,” and I’m certain that the anti-gay marriage amendment that’s made it onto Utah ballots this year will garner a near-unanimous vote in that county. (By contrast, I anticipate that voters in my own, more-diverse Salt Lake County will by-and-large favor the amendment, but not overwhelmingly so.) I frankly can’t imagine any place that would be less receptive to Mr. Moore’s views, unless maybe it’s the Oval Office.

For the record, I am no fan of Michael Moore, even though he supposedly represents my end of the political spectrum. I used to be, back in the days of Roger & Me and TV Nation. Back then, his approach was more subtle, and I enjoyed his persona of the puckish court jester who poked fun at corporate bigwigs and boneheaded politicos. But somewhere along the way, Moore changed. He lost his sense of humor and went from tweaking the nose of The Man to busting The Man in the chops. He’s turned into the Left’s version of Rush Limbaugh, just another fat-ass loudmouth who’s in love with the sound of his own voice.

Look, I’m angry about a lot of things that have gone on in this country over the past decade — to paraphrase the famous line from Altman’s Network, I’m mad as hell and I don’t want to take it anymore — but I think that Moore’s approach is all wrong. Pissing people off does little for the cause, whatever that cause may be. It doesn’t win you converts and you may actually lose some members of your club (such as myself) who have grown weary of the ranting. I am sick and tired of people screaming at each other in this country and I desperately wish we could re-establish some kind of decorum in our public discourse. I don’t think that’s going to be possible as long as we’re paying so much attention to people like Moore, who seem to take such childish delight in insulting their opponents rather than honestly debating their beliefs.

Nevertheless, I am appalled at the sound and fury that has erupted over Moore’s visit. In my opinion, college campuses are supposed to be places where students will be exposed to diverse ideas and opinions, and that seems all the more important in Utah County, where “diversity” is such an unfamiliar word that people usually have to look it up in the dictionary. More importantly, one of the fundamental concepts of the United States of America — perhaps the most fundamental one — is the idea that even minority opinions count, and that no one should be denied their opportunity to speak or to disagree. Total conformity is bad, people. We spent seventy years in this country railing against the evils of communism, a system defined largely by its insistence that no other ideology can be tolerated. Why, then, do ultra-conservatives — who were always the loudest opponents of communism — attempt to stifle opposing voices? Don’t they see the irony of their position?

Reading in the article I linked to above that “student leaders have been flooded with cries to cancel the planned appearance” disgusted me. Not because I love Michael Moore but because I love the idea of free expression, and I always get my back up when someone tries to stop someone else from speaking.

I’ve been watching the TV news as I type this. I’ve just seen video of a gentleman wearing military fatigues decorated with the Gulf War-style “chocolate chip” camouflage pattern scream himself hoarse about how disgusted he is that good men have died so Moore can spout “his lies.” Uh, listen, buddy, I also regret that people have died in Iraq and Kuwait and Somalia and Vietnam and all the other hellholes where we’ve sent people to die, but if you really believe that they were fighting to protect us folks back home (as opposed to fighting for some other cause such as keeping international peace, preventing genocide, or whatever), then you’ve missed the point of their sacrifice. You say Moore shouldn’t speak against the president because good men and women have died to protect his freedom and he should be appreciative of that. I’ll grant that we should all be appreciative of our soldiers’ sacrifices. However, what do you think they sacrificed themselves for if not the freedom to say that the president screwed up? Regardless of whether that is a correct assessment or not, we have the freedom to say it, and the people who carp on and on about “protecting our freedom” while also saying that certain people shouldn’t be allowed to express their views are hypocrites of the first degree. Either that, or they haven’t read the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution as closely as they like to believe.

(As a sidenote, I also fail to understand the anger so many feel toward John Kerry because he spoke out against the Vietnam War after he was discharged. The people who feel that way seem to think he betrayed his comrades-in-arms by trying to stop the war, but wasn’t he actually doing them a service by trying to keep anymore of them from getting killed for an enterprise that he didn’t think was worth it? Who better to say that a war is wrong than somebody who was actually there?)

Actually, there seem to be two controversies involving Moore’s appearance. The first is that he’s an unpopular figure here in GOP-dominated Utah, and a lot of people simply don’t want him here. Another problem, however, is that UVSC is paying Moore a $40,000 speaking fee, which will nearly exhaust the college’s budget for such things. There’s a valid complaint here, I think, in the sense that a small school like UVSC shouldn’t be blowing their limited resources on a single event like this, and many anti-Moore students no doubt feel like their student fees have been misused to pay for something they don’t support. You know what, though? I’ve got the same complaint with my tax dollars being spent on a destabilizing war that I don’t support instead of better thought-out efforts that will genuinely improve our national security. Shit happens. The money ceased to be yours the moment you signed the check and you can’t always control what happens to it after that, so suck it up and welcome the world of grown-ups, kids.

A more reasonable criticism of the money issue was made in a follow-up article published today, in which a student named Sean Vreeland says that he objects to his student fees being spent on any punditry, regardless of which side it represents. He believes that it would’ve been better to try and land speakers who actually work for the Bush and Kerry campaigns instead of inviting celebrity speakers. Bully for you, Sean, that’s a first-rate idea.

And bully as well to those students who are welcoming Moore’s visit, not because they’re fans but because they recognize that hearing opposing viewpoints is good for them. You guys understand what college is for. You get it. You give me some hope for the future.

One final note on this issue: Moore’s invitation and the resulting controversy has prompted UVSC to arrange for the uber-conservative anti-Moore Sean Hannity to speak as well. While I support this in principle — if you’re going to hear from one side, it’s only polite and reasonable to hear from the other — I have to admit that the apparent eagerness of some U.C. residents to get Hannity in there makes me roll my eyes. And I have to roll them again at the fact the Hannity is scheduled to speak first (nine days ahead of Moore, actually), and that a big deal is being made about the fact that he’ll be speaking first. It’s almost like some people need a pre-emptive strike from Hannity to reassure them that the nasty ol’ liberal won’t be able to harm them with his filthy ideas. I wonder if they view this in terms of being inoculated with a soothing dose of conservatism before wandering into the malarial swamps of liberal-land? It certainly seems that way to this observer.

Like I said in the beginning, interesting. The week these two are appearing should be quite the circus. Might be a good week to tune out again…