This irritates me something fierce. Four years ago, a theater student at the University of Utah, Christina Axson-Flynn, raised a stink because she thought it was unreasonable for her professors to expect her to swear when the script she was performing from required it. When Axson-Flynn (who is Mormon) couldn’t convince her professors to see her point-of-view, she did what every American is apparently required to do at least once in their lives and filed a lawsuit, alleging that the U. is biased against Mormons.

Yesterday, the case was settled, with the U. promising to draft a policy allowing at least some exceptions when religious beliefs clash with assigned classwork. Bzzzzzzzzt. Sorry, guys, wrong answer.

First off, for any non-Utahns out there in InternetLand who may be reading this, you need to understand that profanity is a big deal here in my home state. That’s because the dominant cultural force here is, of course, the LDS Church, also known as the Mormons, and Mormons don’t like profanity. They don’t like hearing other people cuss and they certainly don’t do it themselves, even if the words belong to a fictional character created by someone else.

Here in Utah, the public utterance of a certain word that makes Dick Cheney feel better after a hard day in the Senate causes some people to writhe on the ground like Smeagol with an elven rope tied around his neck. And you know what? That doesn’t bother me. Personally, I couldn’t care less whether people choose to swear or not swear. It’s their business, their conscience, and their choice. And if those same people don’t want to hear “bad language,” well, that’s their business, too. It doesn’t bother me in the least that some folks try to avoid profanity in their films, plays, music, or conversation (although I often think they’re missing out on some good stuff in order to uphold their standards). I usually try to watch my own language when I’m around such people. I admit that I often let something slip, but I do try. I try because I think it’s good manners not to offend people unnecessarily, and because I like to think of myself as a tolerant man.

However, I’m afraid my tolerance fails me when I run into a certain type of person that is all too common here in the Land of Zion. This type can’t seem to process the fact that the real world is not G-rated. Instead of finding a way to live with things they don’t necessarily like — which is what everyone else has to do every single day — these folks arrogantly try to force the world to play by their rules. They file lawsuits over relatively trivial matters, they whine to the press that they’ve been discriminated against for having unrealistic expectations, and they generally make themselves pains in the ass. These are the people that burn books and ban films instead of simply not reading those books or attending those movies that make them uncomfortable.

That’s what this case is really all about, isn’t it? Being uncomfortable? Axson-Flynn was asked to step beyond her comfort zone and say words she didn’t like, words that she considers immoral. I can understand why she didn’t want to say them. What I can’t understand is how she came to be in that position in the first place. I can only assume she ended up there because she was a naïve child.

Grown-up people know how to avoid situations in which they don’t want to be. I know a lot of grown-up Mormon people who don’t watch R-rated films because they don’t want to be exposed to the content one usually finds in such movies. I’m perfectly cool with that. The ratings system is a good compromise between keeping potentially objectionable content in the films for people who don’t mind seeing that content, and protecting the sensibilities of those who do mind. It’s there to give consumers some control over what they see, and educated consumers use it to help them make their viewing choices.

Here’s another example, a little closer to Axson-Flynn’s heart: Salt Lake’s largest professional acting troupe, Pioneer Theater Company, routinely posts notices in its schedules and programs that warn its patrons about plays that some may find offensive. I believe the Salt Lake Acting Company does the same. In practice, however, these notices are unnecessary because most native Salt Lakers innately know that they can expect “family-friendly” theater from PTC and edgier fare from SLAC. Those who are uncomfortable with edgy go to PTC. Common sense tells me that if you are uncomfortable with certain ideas, language or attitudes, then you don’t put yourself in a place where you’re going to be confronted with them.

And this is why I have so little sympathy for Axson-Flynn’s complaints about the U. of U. It’s a well-known fact of life to anyone who has lived in Utah for any length of time that the U. is the secular school, the “gentile” school, the liberal school. I don’t know Axson-Flynn’s background — possibly she comes from out-of-state and therefore didn’t grow up knowing that the U. was the “bad school” and Brigham Young University was the “good school.” But if that’s the case, then I still blame her for not doing her research before selecting a college.

Believe it or not, I applied to BYU way back in the days when I was trying to select a college. I got accepted, too. But along with the acceptance letter came a thick booklet that was mostly about the Y.’s infamous “honor code,” the rules by which BYU students are expected to live. I read through the booklet carefully and tried to imagine myself living on the campus it was describing. In the end, I decided that I wouldn’t be happy there. It wasn’t that the rules were all that repressive; the problem was that I didn’t like the idea of having rules. Not these kinds of rules, anyhow. I didn’t want to be told how often I had to shave or how long my shorts needed to be or that I needed to wear socks with my loafers. (It was the late ’80s and I was still in my Sonny Crockett phase.) I figured those decisions were mine to make, not my school administrator’s. I also questioned whether a school that was so concerned with making sure its students fit a certain physical profile would provide me with the intellectual experience I wanted. I wanted to encounter new and different ideas, diverse cultures, challenging concepts. That’s the point of college, to my way of thinking. But obviously some people don’t feel that way. People like Christina Axson-Flynn. She should’ve done her research and known that the U. wasn’t going to be the place for her, just as I knew the Y. wasn’t destined to be my school.

I’m not suggesting that she shouldn’t have gone to the U. because she’s Mormon. I think her charges of an anti-Mormon bias are ridiculous. The U. is my alma mater, and I knew plenty of Mormons during my time there. They are as welcome there as anyone else. But they have to understand that the U. doesn’t play by the rules that Mormons live by, and they have to find some way of living with that, just as I would have had to live with the culture of the Y. campus had I gone there. The problem is that some Mormons — not all, but some — are profoundly uncomfortable outside of the protective spiritual cocoons they build around themselves. They don’t like being exposed to diverse ideas and contrary opinions, but rather than find some way of dealing with their discomfort, they expect those other ideas and opinions to just go away, and I’ve got a huge problem with that. (I’m not bashing on Mormons, incidentally. I know this isn’t a purely Mormon phenomenon, and I’ve encountered plenty of evangelical Christians who are the same way.)

There’s another issue to address here as well, and that is Axson-Flynn’s (presumed) ambitions for an acting career. Surely she understood that, as a professional actress, she would be placed in positions of saying or doing things on stage or in front of a camera that she herself wouldn’t ever do. If her ambitions went no higher than doing community theater productions of Oklahoma and the occasional locally-produced “Mormon film,” that’s fine. Some people are perfectly content living in such a small pond. If that’s all she wanted, she could have trained at any number of “safe” institutions around the state. But if she wanted to do something more than that, something that would take her beyond Utah’s hothouse atmosphere to New York or LA, she wouldn’t have the option of doing “safe.” Not unless she was extremely picky about what roles she’d audition for, and most actors don’t have that option. Actors also don’t have the option of arbitrarily editing their lines, and those who try usually don’t get the job. It isn’t just because directors are sticklers, either. There are copyright issues involved, and playwrights who flat-out refuse to allow alteration of their words. Neil Simon recently shot down plans to do one of his plays here because the theater group wanted to tone down the language.

To be fair, the U. could have been more diplomatic in how they handled this affair in the very beginning. The professor could have found another text for her to perform. But that would hardly have prepared her for a career in this most cutthroat of businesses, would it? In my view, she was naïve and unrealistic, and she behaved like a spoiled child when she didn’t get her way.

Which is why it gripes me so badly that the U. essentially gave in to her demands. Granted, their policy of religious exemption will not be universally applied. As I understand it, the plan is to review, case-by-case, each complaint that assigned work is somehow antithetical to the student’s faith. But even that much is bullshit, in my humble opinion. The U. shouldn’t have given one inch on this issue. If something in the curriculum offends a student so terribly, that student should find another class. Or better yet, do a little research and have an idea of what they’re going to encounter before they register for that class. Seriously, Axson-Flynn should’ve read the line or dropped the class. I can guarantee you that’s the choice she’d have to make for a Broadway producer, assuming she was even given the chance to decide and not immediately fired. Chances are, if she was placed in that position, she’d be on the first Greyhound back to Utah. And that’s how it should be. It’s nothing personal, kid. It’s just business. You don’t want to read the line, we’ll find someone who will