I was in the art gallery, peering closely at a painting of Hobbiton as reflected in the brass doorknob of Bilbo Baggins’ home at Bag End, when a sniggering, adolescent voice intruded upon my thoughts. The owner of the voice was trying to sound Evil and Menacing, but he reminded me more of Beavis than Beelzebub.

What the would-be Dark Lord Beavis said, in melodramatic, B-movie fashion, was, “I will rule your world with fear and pain, heh heh heh.”

He paused for dramatic effect, then added, “Pull my finger.”

I didn’t think this remark was very funny, although the kid who uttered it cracked up himself and his companion. Nevertheless, I did smile. I smiled because that single moment had perfectly captured the yin and the yang of my weekend experience at CONduit, an annual science fiction convention here in Salt Lake City. Recorded in this one little vignette was both the reverent, sincere, occasionally profound study of a creative genre that has always struggled to gain mainstream respect, and the ridiculously juvenile behavior that seems to rise from the same material like steam from a generating plant.

If you’ve never been to a science-fiction-and-fantasy convention (or con, to use the appropriate lingo), you really ought to check one out sometime. Even if you don’t care for the genre, you will never find a better venue for people-watching. Attending a con makes you realize how everyone wants the same things from life: love, acceptance, a little bit of fun once in a while, and the reassurance of knowing that there is always someone out there who is even weirder than yourself…

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

First of all, for those who haven’t spent much (if any) time in the SF&F scene, you should know that there are different flavors of con. The type with which I have the most experience is what I call “meet ‘n’ greets.” These are one- or two-day events that exist for the sole purpose of selling souvenirs and letting fans gawk at some gen-u-wine TV actors in the flesh. The meet ‘n’ greets here in boring old Salt Lake usually focus on one specific property — Star Trek is the most common one — and they tend to feature only one or two guest actors. (By contrast, the annual Grand Slam con in Pasadena brings together dozens of guests from multiple “franchises,” including, on occasion, actors from the big screen.)

The format of these meet ‘n’ greet cons doesn’t vary much, at least not in my experience. The actors usually come out on a stage in front of the attending fans, relate a few anecdotes, take a few questions, then sit down at a table and sign autographs for an hour or two. If the fans are lucky, the line isn’t terribly long and they’re able to shake hands or exchange a few quick words with their heroes. More often, however, there is a huge crush of people, time is limited, and the whole thing takes on the cheerless air of the assembly line. This is the type of con that has been mocked in a number of movies, notably the very funny (and very true) Galaxy Quest. They’re all about getting an autograph and basking, if ever-so-briefly, in the glowing presence of celebrity. To be honest, they’re not much fun.

CONduit is different. There are no actors at this event (actually, there was one, but he wasn’t the main draw), and no favoritism is shown toward a particular franchise. Instead of dwelling on a single aspect of the genre, CONduit welcomes fans of everything science-fictiony, including movies, TV series, games, comic books, and even (gasp!) the printed word. The guests of honor are professional writers and illustrators, many of whom are local Utah residents, and much of the conversation you overhear is related to the business of science fiction — how do I get published, how can I improve my craft, how do I confront certain specific problems in my art or my writing? (The occasional “pull my finger” remark notwithstanding, of course.)

This was my first time attending CONduit. It’s something that Anne and I have threatened to do several times over the years, but we’ve never gotten around to it. We came close last year, but changed our minds at the last minute. Once we made the decision to go through with it, however, we threw ourselves into the experience with both feet. We spent all three days of our long weekend attending panel discussions, demonstrations, and social activities that were all themed around the SF&F genre. There is a lot to relate, so, instead of asking my three loyal readers to slog through a 5,000-word post, I’m going to break up this accounting over several days. In my next post, I will detail our first impressions and what we did on Friday night…