Before I could fix a nice brunch for The Girlfriend yesterday morning, I had to make a quick run to the store for a couple of items. Grocery shopping early Sunday morning is always an interesting experience. There’s not much life yet — most people are home cooking breakfast for their own loved ones, or else in church, I guess — but the life you do encounter seems to embody so much despair, longing, resignation, and, sometimes, outright agony. It’s a peek into the torments of the suburban damned, I tell you. In just eight short minutes, I saw:

• A young single father with a four- or five-year-old child in his cart, probably on a weekend visitation, standing in the cereal aisle as if paralyzed by the vast range of possibilities, torn between visions of being the cool dad who gets the kid the cereal that turns the milk purple and contains a nifty prize, and the responsible dad who makes the child eat something that’s good for him. Or at least something that won’t cause the boy’s mother to throw another hissy fit and emasculate him in front of her parents yet again, as she’s done nearly every week since that disastrous prom night when she promised him everything would be all right because you can’t get pregnant on the first time.
• A visibly hungover guy, ashen-skinned behind very large, very dark sunglasses, pondering the selection of refrigerated fruit juices, wondering which would be least likely to make want to vomit again. Or would at least provide the least offensive visual effect when he inevitably went down on his knees before the Porcelain God for the sixth time in the past eight hours.
• A Latina woman with a cart completely filled with family-size bags of tortilla chips, on sale this week for the incredible price of $1.29 a bag. She knows she’s surrendering another little piece of her heritage to the behemoth consumerism that defines modern America, and she feels a minor pang of guilt at the way so many of her family’s traditions have already been cast onto the rubbish heap, but damn, that’s such a bargain! And anyway, who wants to spend all day bent over a hot oven, making tortillas and cutting them into quarters for baking?
• And finally, the grim-faced woman with the too-orange tan, the too-pale hair that comes from a bottle, the fine lines around her eyes that no amount of Oil of Olay seems to fill in, and last night’s sweat-stained blouse and nylons with a run in them, doing the Walk of Shame after waking up in a dilapidated single-wide with a paunchy guy who’d looked much better the night before. A fresh pack of smokes won’t make her 19 again, but she hopes it’ll at least take the stale tequila taste out of her mouth.

And just so you get the full effect, all this human drama was set to the tune of Fleetwood Mac’s “Sara,” as wistful and mournful as adult contempo shopping music has to offer.

Of course, my interpretation of things may have had something to do with being hungry and not having had any coffee yet. I tend to see things through a glass darkly in my pre-caffeinated state. But you have to admit that that state tends to produce better stories…