Karen pointed me to “The Blogadilla Swedish Furniture Name Generator,” from which I learned what I would be called if you could buy me at a certain well-known furniture store the size of your average housing development:

I look comfy, don’t I? Wouldn’t you just love to assemble me in your home today? If you buy now, I’ll even throw in an order of those yummy little meatballs they sell in the cafeteria…