I’ve just learned that the Book of Mormon — the foundation of the predominant faith here in my home state of Utah, the document which is considered by the LDS to be “another testament of Jesus Christ,” and was once referred to by no less a personage than Mark Twain as “chloroform in print” * — has now been translated into more than 100 languages, including — are you ready for this? — Klingon. Yes, Klingon, a.k.a. Klingonese, the entirely made-up language of that swarthy-skinned or literally boneheaded (depending on which version of Star Trek you prefer) race of imaginary bad guys (or good guys, in some versions, and in some episodes of some versions, since they tend to shift allegiances from time to time; it’s all rather complicated, I’m afraid).

I’m rather gobsmacked by this news. Seriously. I’m one of the biggest Trekkies you’re likely to meet (well, at least when it comes to the old-school stuff… I haven’t seen Next Gen or Deep Space Nine in a very long time, and I didn’t care for Voyager or Enterprise), but I’ve never understood the whole artificial language thing. What’s the point of learning a fake language? Come on, people, isn’t French hard enough for you?

In any event, if there are any young men out there who are about 19 years old and want to begin preparing for their mission calls to Qo’noS, check out the selections from the Klingon BoM on this website. Q’apla!

(I found this tidbit here, along with the wise observation that “…you thought ward basketball was bad now.” Um, yeah… I certainly wouldn’t want to play against these guys.)

* Full disclosure: I’ve never read even a single page of the BoM, so I can’t speak as to its soporific qualities, and no disrespect was intended on my part. Sam Clemens is the one who said it, not me…