So have you heard about the lastest taste innovations from the Jones Soda Company?

For those who don’t keep up on such things, Jones is kind of a second-tier contender in the Great Soft Drink Wars. Personally, I find their products way too sugary for my tastes, but I’ve long admired the company’s cool photographic labels. The standard product line consists of traditional soda varieties — root beer, vanilla cream, black cherry — as well as some exotic but not too-far-out flavors such as watermelon, chocolate fudge, and blue bubblegum. Now, however, the mad scientists at Jones have outdone themselves by creating limited-edition seasonal flavors that include turkey and gravy, mashed potato and butter, greenbean casserole, cranberry sauce, and fruitcake. Sound nauseating? You have no idea.

Personally, I suspect these holiday sodas were never intended for actual consumption. You’re just supposed to put them on the coffee table as a way of provoking laughter and remarks of good-natured disgust from your Christmas visitors, kind of like setting out a big tray of lutefisk. At least, I hope that’s what the intention is. If someone out there really thinks a greenbean-flavored beverage sounds good, then I’m afraid there’s nothing more modern medicine can do to help you…