A gigantic new compendium of weird random stuff about me, courtesy of Puffbird:

1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink? No way… do you have any idea how expensive that would be?
2. Swam with wild dolphins? Nope, never had the chance.
3. Climbed a mountain? Not exactly, but I did hike up to Delicate Arch once. That felt like climbing a mountain.
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive? No. Sigh.
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid? Indiana Jones fantasies aside, no.
6. Held a tarantula? Ugh, hell no! (I don’t like spiders…)
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone? Sure. And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.
8. Said “I love you” and meant it? Of course.
9. Hugged a tree? …and got splinters? What? How would get splinters from hugging a tree? Unless it’d just been cut down or something… what a silly question. Anyway, no.
10. Bungee jumped? Nope.
11. Visited Paris? Nope, but it’s on my Master List of Stuff to Do and Places to Visit.
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea? No. Never been out at sea.
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise? Seems like I did once, but I can’t remember for sure. I can think of a couple of mornings where I got up very early, including a memorable one when I watched the sun rise from the cab of a big truck — I mean a highway rig, not a pick-up — being driven by my dad.
14. Seen the Northern Lights? Nope. I’d like to.
15. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa?No. It’s on the List.
16. Grown and eaten your own vegetables? No, although my parents dabbled in veggie-gardening when I was a kid.
17. Touched an iceberg? I once touched a simulated iceberg, i.e., a wall of real ice, at a Titanic museum exhibit.
18. Slept under the stars? Yep. I spent many summer nights sleeping out on my back lawn when I was a kid.
19. Changed a baby’s diaper? No. I’m an only child, so no younger siblings to have to help with. A number of years ago, The Girlfriend and I babysat for a friend, and I watched her change one. It traumatized me for reasons I won’t go into. I figure one story about somebody with messy trousers is enough for one day.
20. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon? No. On the List.
21. Watched a meteor shower? Yep, while I was sleeping out on the back lawn when I was a kid. Well, not while I was sleeping, but you get the idea.
22. Gotten drunk on champagne? Oh yeah. At a friend’s wedding. Jewish weddings… oy. Also on New Year’s Eve once…
23. Given more than you can afford to charity? I paid $400 to The Collings Foundation to take a ride in a vintage B-24 bomber. Does that count?
24. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope? Nope. I really should do that sometime… I’ll add it to the List.
25. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment? Not really, no. I’m not a giggler, as a rule.
26. Had a food fight? Nope.
27. Bet on a winning horse? Negatory.
28. Asked out a stranger? Yes. I crashed and burned, but yes. And again, that’s all I’m going to say about that.
29. Had a snowball fight? Sure.
30. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can? I can’t remember an occasion when I’ve done that, although I surely have at least once. When I was a kid, probably. Just before Dad asked me what the hell my problem was, most likely.
31. Held a lamb? No.
32. Seen a total eclipse? Yes, when I was in elementary school. I hated using the shoebox with the pinhole in it and wanted to look at the real thing. Fortunately, I had a very observant teacher to keep little fools like me from blinding ourselves.
33. Ridden a roller coaster? But of course. I especially love the old wooden coaster at Lagoon, Salt Lake’s local amusement park.
34. Hit a home run? No. I was always doing well to hit something other than a foul.
35. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking? Sure. That was what dancing was like in the Awesome ’80s.
36. Adopted an accent for an entire day? Nah. Seems like a silly thing to do.
37. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment? From time to time.
38. Had two hard drives for your computer? Um, no. Although I probably ought to.
39. Visited all 50 states? Nope. By my count, I’ve been in nine states: Utah (of course!), Nevada, California, Idaho, Wyoming, Colorado, Arizona, Florida, and New York. Technically speaking, I’ve been to 11 states, but that’s only if you count airport layovers in Illinois (Chicago O’Hare) and Kentucky (Cincinatti, which oddly enough is not in Ohio as one might expect).
40. Taken care of someone who was drunk? Yep.
41. Had amazing friends? Absolutely.
42. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country? Danced, no. Gone on a tour with, gotten drunk with, played darts with, sang oompah songs with, and talked philosophy and politics with, sure.
43. Watched wild whales? Nope. On the List, though.
44. Stolen a sign? Not exactly. I did “borrow” one of those flasher barricade thingies once for a scavenger hunt.
45. Backpacked in Europe? I’ve been in Europe with a backpack, but I haven’t “backpacked Europe” in the sense that most people would think of.
46. Taken a road-trip? Of course.
47. Gone rock climbing? Um, no. Not my thing.
48. Midnight walk on the beach? No. I’ve walked on the beach, but not at midnight.
49. Gone sky diving? Abso-freaking-lutely not! I see no reason to hurl my body out of a perfectly good airplane!
50. Visited Ireland? No. On the List.
51. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love? Sadly and pathetically, yes.
52. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them? Yes, at the Hofbrauhaus in Munich, Germany. I was traveling on my own and heard someone speaking English, so I asked if I could join them. Had a great time getting to know three awesome people from Minnesota. Their names escape me at the moment, but the dude’s wife was a big Bon Jovi fan, so we happily talked about old ’80s rock in the middle of a foreign country.
53. Visited Japan? On the List.
54. Milked a cow? Afraid not.
55. Alphabetized your CDs? Naturally. How else can you find the one you want?
56. Pretended to be a superhero? Not really, no, although once, when I was in college, I introduced myself to a cashier at KFC as “Bond, James Bond.”
57. Sung karaoke? No. Suffered while other people have, though.
58. Lounged around in bed all day? Food poisoning will do that to you.
59. Played touch football? No. That would be dangerously close to actual football, and I don’t do that.
60. Gone scuba diving? No. I used to think I’d like to, but recently I’ve had some claustrophobia issues. Not sure anymore how I’d do underwater…
61. Kissed in the rain? Yep.
62. Played in the mud? Yes, when I was a kid.
63. Played in the rain? Define “play.”
64. Gone to a drive-in theater? Sure. Went to one just last summer. Saw a double feature of Pirates 3 and Wild Hogs. Oy. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned drive-in movies? Sure, they were crap, but they were entertaining crap. Come back, Roger Corman, come back!
65. Visited the Great Wall of China? On the List.
66. Started a business? No.
67. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken? Yes.
68. Toured ancient sites? Yes. A ruined castle in southern Germany. I’ve also walked along a segment of the Roman wall in London.
69. Taken a martial arts class? Yes, I did tai-chi for a while. I still remember some of the moves after more than a decade, or perhaps I should say, my body still remembers. It’s kind of weird.
70. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight? Um, no. I’ll admit I’m a geek, but I’m not that geeky.
71. Gotten married? No.
72. Been in a movie? Yes, if you count amateur stuff made with a camcorder. And I do.
73. Crashed a party? Yes.
74. Gotten divorced? No. (Difficult without being married first.)
75. Gone without food for 5 days? Hell, no!
76. Made cookies from scratch? No, but I’ve observed. 🙂
77. Won first prize in a costume contest? No.
78. Ridden a gondola in Venice? List.
79. Gotten a tattoo? No. I’m not opposed to the idea, but I’ve never been able to think of anything I’d still want to look at in 10 or 20 years.
80. Rafted the Snake River? No.
81. Been on television news programs as an “expert”? No. The Girlfriend and I once appeared in a segment on the local news about a sci-fi convention, though.
82. Got flowers for no reason? Not that I can think of. I have gotten flowers before, but there’s always been a reason.
83. Performed on stage? Yes, in a high school play. (I played the narrow-minded Deacon Ball in The Night Thoreau Spent in Jail.)
84. Been to Las Vegas? Many times. It’s pretty near to Salt Lake, so it’s an easy road trip/weekend getaway.
85. Recorded music? If by “recorded music” you mean sung or played an instrument myself, no. I have, however, copied LPs, cassettes, CDs, etc. Hey, ask a vaguely worded question, you could get all kinds of answers.
86. Eaten shark? Not that I can think of.
87. Kissed on the first date? Yep. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.
88. Gone to Thailand? Nope. Curiously, this is one destination that does not appear on the List. I’ve never had much interest in visiting Thailand.
89. Bought a house? No.
90. Been in a combat zone? No.
91. Buried one/both of your parents? No.
92. Been on a cruise ship? No.
93. Spoken more than one language fluently? Not even.
94. Performed in Rocky Horror? No. That movie is so overrated…
95. Raised children? No, although I have watched The Girlfriend’s nieces grow up, which really kind of freaks me out.
96. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour? I haven’t exactly “followed” my fave, but I have flown to Vegas to see Rick Springfield in a stage show (EFX Alive), and also driven to Wendover, Nevada, a border town about two hours from Salt Lake, to see him. Also, I drove to Phoenix once to see Jimmy Buffett.
97. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country? I haven’t taken “an exotic bicycle tour,” whatever that means, but I did rent a bike when I was living in Cambridge, England, on a summer study-abroad program. It was a great way to get around and see the city, all except for that time I ended up going the wrong way on a one-way street late at night, and had some drunken louts call me a “bloody git.”
98. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over? Nope. I’m a definite homebody. Although I can see the appeal of wiping the slate clean like that.
99. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge? No, but I’ve driven across it.
100. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking? Sure. It’s even more fun when the top is down, so they can hear you!
101. Had plastic surgery? No. I’ve never been so insecure about anything that I’ve felt the need to go under the knife.
102. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived? No. Minor accidents only.
103. Wrote articles for a large publication? No. I’ve written technical white papers and some marketing copy, but none of that went into a “publication” (i.e., a magazine or journal).
104. Lost over 100 pounds? I wish.
105. Held someone while they were having a flashback? Yes. It wasn’t pretty.
106. Piloted an airplane? No.
107. Touched a stingray? Yes, at the aquarium in Sandy, Utah. Weird sensation, felt kind of like those chamois cloths you wipe your car with the first time you get them wet, slick but not slimy.
108. Broken someone’s heart? Yes, and I’m not proud of it. And that’s all I have to say about that.
109. Helped an animal give birth? Yes, a number of times when I was a kid. Horses, cats, and dogs. I didn’t live on a farm, per se, but my parents have always had animals around.
110. Won money on a T.V. game show? I won some passes on the radio once, for a sneak preview of the Sean Connery movie Medicine Man. Not much of a prize, really…
111. Broken a bone? No.
112. Gone on an African photo safari? On the List.
113. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears? No. I generally don’t like facial piercings on women, and I really really dislike them on guys.
114. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol? Yes, but it wasn’t very impressive, just a .22 pistol. Oh, and pellet guns when I was a kid… I know, I’m a wussy.
115. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild? No.
116. Ridden a horse? Yes, when I was a kid I used to ride with mom once in a while. I enjoyed it, but never enough to really get into it.
117. Had major surgery? No.
118. Had a snake as a pet? Snakes… why did it have to snakes? (That would be a “no.” Actually, that would be a “hell, no!”)
119. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon? No, although The Girlfriend and I have talked about adding it to the List.
120. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours? No way — too many things to do, man! Or I might miss something.
121. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states? No. I’ve only been to three other countries: Germany, Luxembourg (very briefly — I just popped across the border for gas and snacks, and then back into Germany), and the UK.
122. Visited all seven continents? It’s on the List. You probably figured that out already.
123. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than two days? No. Never even been in a canoe.
124. Eaten kangaroo meat? Only if those old rumors about McDonald’s were true.
125. Eaten sushi? Yes. I’m still a sushi neophyte, but I have had it.
126. Had your picture in the newspaper? Nope.
127. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about? Hm. I’d have to think about that one. Off the top of my head, I can’t think of anything.
128. Gone back to school? No, and at this point in my life, I don’t see much point to it. One of the realities of being an English major is that graduate studies aren’t much use unless you go into academia. Which I don’t ever anticipate.
129. Parasailed? No.
130. Touched a cockroach? Only with the bottom of my shoe.
131. Eaten fried green tomatoes? Nope. Fried zucchini, yes, but not green tomatoes.
132. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey? Yes, of course. Standard high school curriculum.
133. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read? No, not that I can think of. I have, however, gone back to authors I read in school and re-evaluated them with mature eyes.
134. Killed and prepared an animal for eating? No.
135. Skipped all your school reunions? No, I’ve been to every one. What can I say, I’m sentimental.
136. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language? Yes, in Germany. Most people I encountered spoke some English, but there was a cashier in this one shop who did not. I pantomimed and pointed at the things I wanted and somehow we made it through.
137. Been elected to public office? No. I can’t imagine ever wanting to subject myself to the crapstorm that politicians face in any election process.
138. Written your own computer language? No.
139. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream? No, but I’ve kind of brushed up against the threshold a couple of times.
140. Had to put someone you love into hospice care? No.
141. Built your own PC from parts? No.
142. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you? No.
143. Had a booth at a street fair? No.
144. Dyed your hair? Nope… I’m more concerned about the quantity of my hair than the color.
145. Been a DJ? Nope. Used to fantasize about working for WKRP in Cincinnati, though.
146. Shaved your head? No. Again, I’m more all about quantity. Actually, I’m just trying to hold on to what little I have left.
147. Caused a car accident? Not that I know of…
148. Saved someone’s life? Nope.