“…the convergence of business and technology has fundamentally changed the way businesses and government are doing business.”
You know what that sentence needs? The word “business.” Really, I think it’s a vital concept that’s noticeably missing. Surely the writer could shoe-horn that in somewhere?
This illustrates a common problem in technical or academic writing: The writer uses a lot of extra wording (usually jargon) to conceal the fact that he/she isn’t saying anything. There are at least four distinct ideas here that need further development: What does “convergence of business and technology” mean? To whom does “business and government” refer? How did they work in the past? What’s fundamentally different now? Maybe this is all explained in the surrounding text, but I’ve seen too much of this kind of writing to hope for much.
Nope, no explanation in the surrounding text, and in fact, this comes from rather a short document. My suggestion to the overlords was to ditch this lame-o sentence altogether and just go to the product features.
Jason, I did not know that you have been dialing into our business meetings… 🙂
Like Elvis, I am everywhere! 😉